I hate when people ask what I do for a living

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All that type of socialization is a "subtle" social competition.

It is a way of valuing your social status.

But I do think NTs are genuinely interested in knowing. They really want to get to know their "group-members". Both in case they needed your help, but also so that they know how to relate to you.


It is all extremely superficial if you ask me. I think I will cut down on that kind of social interaction.

It's standard small talk.

I also hate it. I hated being asked about school when I looked school-age and was not in school. I really isolated myself during those years and that question was the primary reason.

My mother encouraged me to be a "politician" about it and just not answer the question and share something interesting instead.

When I find myself in social situations I use, "what is new and interesting in your life right now?" instead because it opens up more possibilities. It could be work, personal/family life, interest, etc. I think it cuts more to the point of what you actually want to do: give the other person an opportunity to share something important in their life.

Most people define who they are by what they do (it's a big part of why some people kill themselves if they lose their job/career).

They likewise assume everyone else does the same.

It's also a social status thing. How they rank compared to others based on what they do. It's why so many misguided parents would rather have their kid become a doctor or a lawyer than a plumber or electrician (even though the latter often are happier and make more money).

If you are in a gathering of people who don't know each other, it's standard behavior for people to ask each other questions so that they can learn things about each other.

It is NOT always a competition, though it certainly is for some people, some of the time.

Sometimes people ask you questions like that because they are trying to be friendly. It's an opening in a sequence of questions that will map out what your typical experiences of life are and what you are interested in.

The person asking the questions will expect you to express a similar interest In the broad details of their life. You are then supposed to discuss shared experiences of various kinds and the extent to which you have common likes, dislikes and a sense of humor become the basis of a social bond between you.

I haven't really been asked that, so not sure if it would bother me or not....I suppose it would depend on how people react when I tell them i am not working.

I think this might be a case where we take it too literally, and really it's more like "How are you?" They're not necessarily looking for a literal answer to their question, they just want to make pleasant conversation.

But I agree, I have no good answer to that question, and I just end up saying "Um, I don't work" – and then they realize this conversation is going nowhere, and politely excuse themselves to go talk to someone else, and I breathe a sigh of relief that the interrogation is over with.

Complicated.
It is a lot like animal interaction like Ezra said, but it's hard to tell whether it is friendly competition, evaluation or some other undetectable thing.

I hate being asked anything about my life.

It's very rare that I will give a straight forward answer anyway.

I'm just an extremely private person.

However, I'm far too polite to tell people to mind their own business.

I have an awesome friend who was born in Russia but still has a reasonable grasp on English
who only talks to people he likes
he doesn't talk to teachers or other students
only me and some other people and it is like my cat
I won't presume to know why - but I think he's shy
and if people ask him questions he has three main responses:
*shrugs*
"I don't know" - repeated how many times it takes for the other person to shut up
*laugh and walk away*

I don't object to this question, as I too can be interested in what other people do for jobs etc. However, it can get really irritating. I've had far too many people ask me over the last few years, and I'm getting fed up of it. I've just spent two years as a student, and telling people 'I'm a student' wasn't much good because they'd just ask 'What are you going to do afterwards?'.

Only solution: socialize as little as possible.