wp getting annoying

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I like repetition. If a topic interests me I don't mind it popping up again and again.
I don't like NT bashing. In the real world, I don't know other peoples' neurology, so I really can't say if someone is neurologically typical or if they have some kind or disorder or life experience that has affected them in a negative way.
People like to find a sense of community here and people they can relate to. That means a lot to people who are isolated in the real world.
There is a high turnover here, a lot of young people joining every day, so naturally the same topics come up again and again.
Some people stay for a while and lose interest.
I like it that there are old-timers here who never tire of giving their knowledge and insight. It gives a sense of continuity to the site.

Yes, because lacking empathy was actually dumped on people diagnosed by the general population believe it or not. Read some books and you find that naturally, men are the ones that lack empathy while women are more empathetic.



Self-defeating behaviour is my current research topic in a book I am writing. I also took note that pride and humility actually does play a role in the self-defeating behaviours.



I've noticed it, probably even played a role in it at some point. Later on would realize that a lot of the topics aren't aspie exclusive.



Planting the seed that someone is autistic can actually be a dangerous thing, especially when it turns out the person is not. I know that the three primary reasons I was diagnosed when I was a kid was: Anxiety, Depression, Low frustration tolerance (fancy way of saying anger management issues). I notice those three things are pretty common among those diagnosed with Aspergers or autism.

when people come here lonely or depressed I want to help them, but what bothers me is when they are feeling so and blame everyone else for it, despite the fact that they don't do any effort themselves.
for instance, a person complains that no one wants to be their friend, and after closer look I want to ask:" how is it you expect to suddenly have friends if you spend all day playing video games and don't even leave your room?"
I like your answers a lot, you are so kind.

Anyone can join the site and post something useless. You could go and found a site where people have to pay to join.

You have to make your own threads here (hopefully not too many) and/.or consciously pick and choose the threads you comment on so as to engage with others in intelligent enquiry.

The thing that alarms me as an older person who has raised two children, one of them autistic and the other with a very unusual mind, is that young people come here and are encouraged to think in the way you have mentioned and build upon this kind of thinking Yes, it can be comforting to find a group, but the mental approach they are bonding to like glue because of the substance of the comfort can ret*d their own future development and greatly limit their chances to have lives that are happy. This is of great concern to me. I do acknowledge that bonding in this way and feeling this comfort can give a suffering person a reason to live, but a different quality of idea content that is much more generative can be consciously associated with the bonding, and it can be encouraged to do that here.

Imo it is the responsibility of people like yourself to speak up and try to shape this into a different kind of community that will be more functional in terms of actually helping people, so thank you so much for making this thread..

To those reading, do not believe all of these teenagers will grow out of some of these self-centered tendencies of not taking responsibility and blaming others for their own lack of initiative. Some will, as they mature, probably because they already have some kind of beginning developmental foundation, but others who are in some ways weaker and wavering on the edge will develop even more faulty data-processing patterns here that could last a lifetime. Teens are still very impressionable and can become set and formed, crystallized into certain behavior patterns, especially as their hormones begin raging at this age and also radical separation from the parents is occurring.

Imo this community IS changing since I have been here. It is in flux, and people should not be afraid to speak up and shape it into the kind of community that is more functional. I have observed dysfunctional families, and what holds them together is some kind of actual comfort people are getting from these relationships. There is a physical connection, but people can get stuck there as oxytocin and other hormones are released and the resulting bond which is unfortunately also associated with some wrong ideas and reinforced by pain and pleasure can be very difficult to break.

yes I agree. This us vs. them thing is very annoying. That's what I meant in point 1, but you explained it better. Also many people here seem to think of "nt's" as an homogeneous group despite the fact that they are nearly the entire human population.

yeah! And funnily, there is a sentence I heard from my professor which is: "if you don't know who to blame, blame the government, or the media, or the church, or the United States" exactly how things work in here where I live! Those are like 90% of alleged causes when s*** happens.

I think you are being rather unfair with #2 I don't think I have encountered anyone that quite fits that description...sure plenty of people talk about their problems and how perhaps their experiences in school/society have damaged them and caused them pain, social anxiety and depression but I haven't met anyone that says they have never tried to get out of their comfort zone...plenty who have ventured out of their comfort zone only to experience disastrous results. I haven't seen anyone say they expect opportunities or friends are supposed to fall in their lap. Perhaps you're not considering how disabling things like anxiety and depression can be, or even the difficulties autism itself causes.

That said I can understand sometimes people don't want to read a bunch of gloomy stuff about peoples crappy lives....and at those times its best to avoid The Haven....If you're up for some sometimes heated debate there is always the politics and religion forum, but it seems much of the time the same topics just get debated over and over till well past the time there's nothing left to debate over. I myself sometimes have to just take a break from the site...sometimes there's just nothing of intrest or anything I can relate to but at other times there is a lot of stuff I find intresting.

Yes some things here annoy me too like NT bashing and acting like we're a different species, the arrogance I see and the superior attitudes.

This is an ordered list from the OP that should help clarify things.

1. arrogance
2. Co-morbids
3. perseverance

I tend to look at these things in this order, what are they doing (usually complaining), why they are doing it (normally an incorrect assumption that they have been jaded somehow), what is the behavior (a lot of times I imagine a kid stomping his feet) and finally do I want to get involved in it. (The answer is usually is no).

I like to discuss lots of times things I find interesting, but what I mean is not an insisted discussion but sheer repetition: for instance in topic 1 person says A->B because B=C. then there is discussion and we come to the conclusion that this is actually false and that the B=C information is actually from a non reliable source. Then the next day a person goes and says F->G because B=C and we have to explain it all again and for me having to do this so many times gets annoying. It's like fighting a dragon when everytime we cut a head other two appear. That's how I feel at least. And many times those non reliable information or false ideas are really harmful.

As a "veteran." I deal with it the exactly the same way I "deal" with everything else involving groups: I'm just not that emotionally invested in group dynamics.

I use WP when it suits me, and, when it doesn't, I steer clear. It also helps that I don't really care if I "really" have an ASD or not. I experience impairments in certain areas of daily functioning, and the doctors decided that "autism" was the closest thing they could come up with. In actuality, I'm closer to NVLD than autism. I couldn't care less what they call it, as long as I can keep getting the support I need and medications that make life a little more bearable.

My pet peeve is when people keep insisting that autism is "just a personality type." Autism is defined as an impairment/disability, and if you're not impaired/disabled, you're not autistic. Period. There's a huge difference between being socially awkward/shy/introverted/geeky and being autistic. Autistic = impaired.

Totally agree, I wanted to say this myself but didn't.

I hear what you are saying, but this kind of detailing misses the general point she is making.

linatet wrote:
Obviously this is not literally true about everyone but a kind of metaphor that describes a general attitude that connects to afeeling. This is in no way to discount the feeling, whatever it is. However, thinking is working with this kind of feeling to create a self-defeating attitude. Yes, sure, it is understandable why a person may be caught in such a thinking/feeling pattern, but it does not mean it is to their own advantage to think in this way or that they should be encouraged to do so. I see a lot of enabling on here. Let's be clear. Enabling makes people weaker and even is a form of using them to buffer up oneself and ones own clinging to the comfort of bonding. In many ways people from dysfunctional families are trying to continue their own experience around being in such a family and cling to whatever comfort they did derive from it, which even though minimal was life-sustaining. That is understandable, but does not mean it is the best way or that it should be encouraged?.

+3

I've recently decided that I need to STOP pushing myself outside of my comfort zone and finally settle on something that suits my skills and abilities.

So far, pushing myself out of my comfort zone has resulted in disaster after disaster. I'm officially giving up on trying to "fight" my autism. My sanity depends on it.

Yes reality checks....

In the real world all aspies are not 'supposed' to be good at science and engineering, that is an inaccurate stereotype...some aspies are good at that and have a special intrest in such topics...many aren't and don't.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 08 Mar 2014, 1:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.