Anyone assume that you'd have more friends later in life?

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A few years ago I moved into a new community and for a while I felt like I could be a different person; I panicked a little bit when I realized that "It" was happening again - I was nearly silent and disappearing, only this time I had more social anxiety. Each time I've registered for something (like a book club...assuming its interesting), I thought, "Okay, I'm going to start making friends for real this time," and I end up making acquaintances who don't speak to me (or me to them) after the study ends. I might have four friends now. For me, that's a lot.

(I did actually make two friends by the "book club" route over the years, so its not a total failure.)

I thought I would have more friends because as a child I would often hear adults say "children can be so cruel", and they would shake their heads and make clucking sounds. So, I don't know if it was so much that I thought I would change, [ though the ugly duckling was the story I always read to reignite my hope] as I thought that adults would be kinder and less shallow. I truly believed that character and kindness were the most desired traits among adults.

Boy howdy, was I ever wrong.

I hope I will have more friends when I get older. I think I am still at a difficult age, as I have read somewhere that Asperger's is most difficult in the teens and 20's. Obviously this depends on the individual, but in my case this is quite accurate. I am hoping that I will change as I get older, and that this social anxiety I have got won't be the same forever and that I might start caring less about what people think of me as I get older. I don't mean not caring at all, but just caring to an extent but not too much, because I believe caring too much makes it just as difficult to find friends as it does not caring at all.

Although things look bleak at the moment because my life seems to be going nowhere and nothing seems to be changing, but I still say to myself ''you never know what's around the corner''. You really don't. My life may look bleak right now, and who knows? Tomorrow a new guy could start at my work who happens to become my long life partner, or I could buy a lottery ticket this summer and find it was the right one and me and my family become millionaires, or somewhere I might meet a girl who is just as lonely as me and is looking for a best friend and then we could become best friends. All these possibilities (the lottery one being the least of course) could open doors for me and lead to me meeting new people and becoming more confident.

I'm only 24 this month and so who knows what the next 10 years could bring? If it doesn't get better in the next 10 years, who knows what might become of my in the next 20 years? It doesn't always have to be negative.

In the meantime, *sigh* I am lonely....