Just Diagnosed at 29. So Confused.

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Wow, what a crazy coincidence. I also spent a number of years with psychs. Nobody really looked into Aspergers or Autism for a while until nothing they tried was fixing depression or anxiety. It was only when they probed deeper into the root causes of the depression and the anxiety that they started questioning. My depression and anxiety was caused by the Aspergers. They looked at Autism at first, but I didn't fit the bill, and then they looked at Aspergers. Everything started clicking into place.

I've always wondered why I could never approach people, and how social situations were very awkward. I could never fit into social groups. I could never join a conversation. If I was questioned in social situations about the conversation topic I'd never know what to say, and usually what came out of my mouth left the the conversation awkward. I just thought it was me for a long time.

People always commented on my lack of humour. They'd banter around me, as normal people do from what I've observed. But when the banter was on me I'd take it serious. I'd not know how to respond to banter. I see others bantering back with each other, laughing, and joking. I can never do that. And when it's done to me I either go bright red in the face and laugh because I don't know what to do, or walk away feeling upset and angry.

That's one of the real difficulties for me. These social situations. If I know the people really well, I can usually scrape by without anybody noticing anything different about me, but inside my head it a battle. They can't see that battle and how difficult it really is for me.

And this is why I'm an introvert and always have been. The not knowing how to act in social situations has left me not wanting to be in them in the first place and avoid them at all measures.

I wish I could be normal like everyone else. But there's certain traits such as hyperfocus that I actually enjoy

It's complex, which is why at first I though no, it can't be me. And I'm still wrapping my head around things. Such as why can I talk to the lady at the dentist to book in for my appointment without feeling mentally challenged, but I can't sit next to, and have a conversation, with the guy in the dentist waiting for his appointment. But then I can talk to my next door neighbour with some normality, or argue about the origins of life with the Christians who knock my door, yet when my partner brings her friend around I have to muster up the courage to say hello. See what I mean? It confuses me.

Of course I'm only talking about one of my difficulties here. I have so many.

Ha ha...I'm 29 too and was diagnosed about a month ago.
I'm also trying to figure out what this is going to mean for me. I swing from excitement and relief, to "Crap I'm never going to accomplish anything in life, especially not what I really want to do!! !"

As other posters have already said, 29 isn't all that old. It just FEELS old. Sometimes I look back and wonder, "So many people had to know that something was probably wrong with me as I grew up, and nobody did anything! Why didn't anyone step in??" But if someone had interfered with me earlier, maybe I would have gotten the wrong kind of treatment, and I might have turned out worse, who knows? Also, I strongly suspect that I might not have been willing to be helped back then.

You're finding out more about who (and why) you are, and, however difficult it may be, that sounds like a success to me.

I remember the year you 29er's were born. Autism Spectrum was not known at that time. It was until that year, in 1985, that people, as in the general public, started to learn about Autism on a little wider scale when Sylvester Stallone's second son Seargeoh was diagnosed and it made national headlines. It was the very first time I had ever heard of Autism and there was no Spectrum then. I remember reading the article about him in I think it was People Magazine or some magazine like that. He was six years old. I even remember where I was and what I was wearing when I read it. I was a huge Rocky/Sly fan and I was so interested by this article.

Then in 1988 with the movie Rainman, which I saw in the theaters, thank you very much , Autism became more of a household name. But Asperger's and Autism Spectrum were not really known publicly yet so if you were mild in your symptoms or if you were a girl and did not present like a classic boy, you would have most likely been missed. I don't know when the Autism Spectrum came into play or when Asperger's started to get more widely known and more readily diagnosed but it was not until pretty recently. So the fact that your parents did not know or you were not found out when you little is not really that surprising. And when I was little all of our Aspie and Misophonic symptoms, I have Misophonia also, were basically just treated as bad behavior.

James, you found out earlier than later; look, I was officially diagnosed at around age 19, but that was back in '01, and as you know there was very little information out there about it at the time.

I didn't really come to learn more about it until almost age 26.

You know now, and that's what's important.

We're here to offer you any guidance and support you might need; we've been where you are; and we actually have somewhat of a "roadmap", if you will

Cheers buddy I hope to acquire one of these "roadmaps" :p

Well, whattaya want to know?

At the moment I'm just browsing the forums. I've gotten a lot of information from the forums today from some very helpful members. I'm just happy I've found a great place to talk and get information. Could never do this IRL. So, for now nothing, but tomorrow I''ll likely have some more questions

and we're ready to offer you answers when you do

Adjusting is difficult when you are an "Aspie". Getting diagnosed involves adjusting to the way you think of yourself.

You probably going to want find out everything there is to know about Aspergers all at once. There is so much to learn and we do poorly when overwhelmed with a lot of information all at once. Take it in a little bit at a time. If you feel overwhelmed walk away for a few minutes and come back to it.

I was diagnosed at age 55.

+1

Learned about AS when I was 40. Still don't have a formal Dx (cost and availability of qualified evaluators). At this point, it would only be worth it to get on disability.

It does suck to learn of it late in life....lots of wasted opportunity to emotionally deal with.

Absolutely, this is what I am finding difficult at the moment.

Sorry if I sound a little stupid, forgive me, but what does this statement actually mean?

I read this as struggling to deal with missed opportunities in the past because of issues related to undiagnosed Aspergers. Those opportunities could have been possible if the right help and support was provided at an earlier time.

I thought it was all in my head for a very long time. And I thought I was the failure. Had I know I had Aspergers, I could have pursued support on dealing with certain situations. Such as dealing with University. I quit because I couldn't cope, but if I'd know I had Aspergers the University could have provided the help and support for me to continue with my degree. Which emotionally is a bit upsetting because I will never get the chance to repeat University due to financial issues.

But, much of what was said in this thread yesterday has helped me deal with such emotional issues. Or at least see the past negative in a more positive light.

Oh, I see now. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing the other day. What had me thinking about it is a reason I actually wrote about on another thread. I called my insurance company to see if they could cover the cost of a diagnosis. They said that if you are between the ages of 2 and 6 years old it is completely covered 100% no questions asked. If you are not between those ages the claim is automatically denied and they cover nothing. And we all know that a diagnosis in the United States can add up, some have even paid $2000.00. But they said the way it works is that you get diagnosed, they deny the claim sticking you with the bill, and then after that you have the right to write a letter of appeal to try to convince them and prove to them why you are worthy of having help to pay for your diagnosis. If they feel that you deserve to be helped with the cost they will cover it 100% with a ten dollar copay. Of course they can deny that letter too. There is no guarantee that If you appeal you will get help. And rather than write a letter before you get diagnosed to see if they find you worthy of help they won't read it unless you send it after you already have the bill. They said you can try but they won't guarantee to even read it if you have not been billed.

I was thinking of trying to write a letter in advance and take my chances that way but if they don't read it and cover the cost I won't be able to get an official diagnosis. But when I was thinking of what to write to them other than the fact that this policy is nothing but pure unadulterated age discrimination, I was thinking about how I had to drop of university with only four classes left to graduate with honors because of my sensory and executive function issues and perhaps if I had known then I could have gotten help. I also thought of the countless number of jobs that I had to leave or that I got fired from because of Autism related issues that if I had known in the past or had been able to have been diagnosed and had a record of that it would have been impossible for them to fire me or bully me into leaving for the reasons they did. And the jobs I ended up leaving, I might have been able to get help with them too. I also wonder if I had been found out before 18 if I would have been able to have been protected under disability.

So now when I write the letter I am going to talk about how since I have not been able to hold a job for 26 years, I don't have $2000.00 set aside for a diagnosis and if I can get one I might be able to have the help I need to keep a job and if I have a job maybe I can buy more of their stupid insurance which apparently does not cover much. But if for whatever reason my husband ends up losing his job then we can't pay for insurance at all and then they lose the hundreds of dollars a month that we are paying them and never cashing in.

But I see what you mean for sure.

Last edited by skibum on 17 Apr 2014, 10:23 am, edited 4 times in total.

Have you gone back to college to get the 4 credits?

No, it's not worth it. And credits only last for 9 years so I would have to start all over from the beginning and there is no way that I would go through college again without help and without an official diagnosis they won't give me help. And even if I had an official diagnosis now I am over 18 so they are not obligated to give me any help because of my age so they could refuse to.

I told my doctor's secretary that in the UK things are a lot different and her smart @$$ answer was, "Well just move over there then!" Gee thanks for your support and sensitivity.

Last edited by skibum on 17 Apr 2014, 10:28 am, edited 1 time in total.