repeat a grade in school. or not?

Post Reply New Topic

I had to repeat 2nd grade ( I'd get my work done & wander around with nothing to do.... ) and then repeat 8th grade ( didn't understand a lot of things, really struggled...and failed summer school ). Of course, I wasn't diagnosed until my sophomore year of high school at age 18 ( and wasn't even considered as having any sort of disability until about halfway through that 2nd year of 8th grade )....repeating a grade might be beneficial if already diagnosed, but it might also cause inadequacy issues and generally feeling "stupid" so be ready for that if you decide your child should repeat a grade.

I would wonder if your son 'shuts down' in school, because of discomfort from the lights, noise, close proximity to others (sensory discomfort)?

He may be going through 'social conditioning', and learning that other kids laugh at public stimming, so he does his best to hide it (further discomfort).

Lastly, in his mind, he may sense that he is 'different' , yet not understand why (further discomfort).

Can't read? Bunch of BS. Clearly he isn't stupid, if he excels at reading non fiction. A lot of children can't focus on that for 5 seconds. so there's no reason to humiliate him and make him repeat a grade.

People don't seem to get that "Aspergers" doesn't mean "special needs".

For a kid, especially a kid prone to social problems.. being seperated from your friends is a big deal. I am not saying that lightly. It's a BIG DEAL. It will likely cause him more distress than anything else in regards to being held back because of the ignorant opinion of some foolish teacher who sounds like he/she needs a slap.

Is your son bored or is he challenged by schoolwork? If you aren't sure you could ask to observe him.

Being bored is painful, if you see any signs of that, I would object strenuously to his being held back. Versus if he finds the academics globally challenging and may catch up some with extra time.

As others are saying, if he reads what he likes well, there is no reading problem. And it is unlikely that rigidity will go away in a year.

It's also VERY hard for so many people with ASD to connect or find acceptance, I'm not saying all. If your child can move on academically, becoming connected to a whole new group all at once will be tough. I would not hold him back unless I really believed he would catch up next year.

Your son will be an 8 year old in 1st grade next year--it isn't petty to consider that unless he is very small for his age, he will be bigger than peers if he stays back. And that parents of the cute little 1st graders may be less welcoming of your child on play dates now that he's bigger, making it all that much harder for him to find acceptance. Or you. And his social life may depend on yours, so these are factors.

Our school does not hold kids back. They would promote him to second, and he would receive extra help to catch up to grade level.

The only grade they do hold back is kindergarten.

Does he have an IEP? Public or private school? Private schools can more or less do what they want.

I would not hold back because of the good social group. The school can do pull outs and differentiate the work for him so he is still making gains.

Based on what you previously wrote. No way in hell would I hold him back.

This sounds like a private school, who wants to to as little work as possible. Dump it on the teacher, and hoping it sorts out next year.

Remember, (I live in the US), kids can legally drop out of school at age 16. That can be around 10-11 grade for a kid that doesn't repeat. If he has no IEP, he can be out of there as early as 9th grade.

You don't want a 16 year old with on a 9th grade education sitting at home.

I know this subject well. I was functionally illiterate until I was 23, due to several disorders. But, I worked my butt off and made it. The trick is, don't slow down or hold him back, but don't pour on the pressure. I was able to make it through high school and college. In fact, I have a BS and MS in computer science and I have worked for many Fortune 100 companies.

Many children with learning disabilities develop their own compensations - I did. That is not something schools usually help with and holding him back is likely going to be just a delay. While I don't know your child, my intuition and experience tell me he should not be held back.

And, don't expect a lot of real help or functional concern from educators. Generally speaking, they like to categorize ASD people as dead-ended, which is often not true. I was ridiculed by my sixth-grade teacher because of my poor reading. I was generally treated with disgust regarding my class performance throughout primary and secondary grades. However, I educationally went farther than most of my teachers. Keep the positive challenges and toss the unnecessary obstructions.

Devil Kisses: Why are you considering dropping out?

You've got good intelligence--why waste your life?

We held back our ASD daughter in 3rd grade and now our ASD son is in 3rd grade. Different school district and they do not hold kids back with an IEP. He had a few boys in class that he is friends with so I really did not want to hold him back, but academically he is falling behind. For our daughter it was the right decision to hold her back. She was on the young end but as a girl we decided to start her in kindergarten at 4. She really was too immature at 4 but was academically ready. She fell behind as the years past and by 3rd grade she could not pay attention. She is in 6th grade now and gets some resource time as well as therapy. She is in a modified class for science and maybe for math next year. Otherwise she goes to the other classes with the rest of the kids.

It is a hard decision to make. I was held back in 3rd grade because of 'day dreaming' and never forgave my mother. I spent the next few years trying to get back to my grade. It solved my day dreaming problem though in school. It took a lot of effort and many re-readings of what I read, but I graduated with scholarships. If my mom did not hold me back I may have not done as well.

If he's supported by his peers, that's huge for someone with a disability. I struggled in early grades, but caught up and even excelled later. If things get worse in a couple years, you can always hold him back then