Not wanting to socialise

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It's completely normal for people on the spectrum to not want to socialize. I myself only socialize with a select group of people at my school. And I do still often like to spend time alone with my thoughts. I'm a little bit of a pariah, but I'm okay with that. It really isn't a big deal. Sometimes people come up to me and talk and get to know me because I intrigue them (often because I am a metalhead and because of my unique sense of humor). Just try not to worry about it too much and take it a bit at a time.

It depends on who I'm socializing with. I'm obviously going to enjoy socializing with my friends more than with people I barely know. Even then, I will tire out after a few hours and need to isolate myself.

I fail to see the problem.

I don't like socializing in big groups.

One-on-one socialization or small groups of people I know well is much more preferable for me.

It depends. Like eggheadjr said, I don't like to socialize in big groups or with randoms (or as my doctor said "bidirectional communcation with new people") but people I consider friends I like to talk to, as long as it isn't excessive. Good example: when I was 15, my friend Tegan would spend the night all the time. We'd have a blast the first day but by the second night, we were always fighting. Why? Because after the first day of socializing and playing games, I just wanted to do my thing and he would call me out on it.

But I don't enjoy socializing with new people or in large groups. I think they just mean that, unlike pure Autism, people with ASD try to initiate conversations.

There are exceptions, but overall, I hate socializing. My presentation with that is much closer to classic autism than Asperger's. In fact, looking back at my dismal self-help/adaptive skills development, I'm starting to suspect that maybe I do have classic autism, just with very early speech. Anyway, the labels don't matter anymore now that it's all Autism Spectrum Disorder.

A lot of articles, blogs, etc. very much overemphasize how social autistic people are. It comes from stereotypes in the past that all autistic people had no interest in socializing, more specifically backlash against that. People who said, "Hey, I'm not like that! That doesn't mean I'm not autistic!" spoke out against it. Now, it's gone a little too far in the opposite direction with people wondering if they're not social enough to be autistic--- when to the average stereotyper of the past, the only people they'd consider not social enough to be autistic would be the dead!

Depends on what you mean by socialising. I don't enjoy hanging out with people just for the sake of doing it, going to social gatherings like parties or club meetings, or chit chatting with people I don't know very well. I don't enjoy interacting with people just because circumstances compel me to. I like to be with 1 or 2 people I'm close to, not having to think of things to talk about the whole but being able to just enjoy each other's company even in silence. I love that feeling of being deeply connected to someone and feeling like they know me inside and out. I don't enjoy being around people in a more casual way.

I concur with Dianthus.

I'm comfortable in the company of people I feel close to.

I'm not a party-goer. I can't speak above the noise, frequently--and I can't hear what's being said to me. I don't find this sort of social discourse useful.

My ideal conversation occurs within the beginning of Thomas More's "Utopia," where More, Peter, and the sailor guy are speaking about the social concerns of 16th century England, as well as the sailor guy's voyages.

Because of severe anxiety and stuttering it is difficult to enjoy social interaction of any kind. This isn't to say I hate people or there aren't great moments here and there. But the world basically operates on a "talking is communication" level that almost entirely excludes me. Not to mention I have anxiety with any kind of observed activity. Pretty much I am a social disaster.

Whoa.. deja vu.. it's like I've seen this thread before, from this poster, about once every couple of months.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I have AS. Officially Diagnosed. I don't like socializing. It drains all of my energy. Also, I don't like 99.9% of people that I meet. I just don't connect with them. I interact with people only when I need to. I feel much, much better when I am alone.

Let me elaborate on why socializing drains me of all my energy and why this is related to Asperger's. I have to consciously monitor my body language, interpret the other person's body language and what they said and figure out how they want me to respond and come up with the correct words. Using the correct body language alone is too much to concentrate on. I have to use correct eye contact, facial expression, volume of voice. I don't think normal people have to think about all of these things when interacting socially. I think they do it without thinking, without effort. Interacting socially is painful for me and never gets easier. I am always anxious when I am around people, trying so hard not to make a mistake. Why would I want to subject myself to all of that when I am calm by myself and perfectly content to engage in solitary activities?


P.S. I like your new avatar, bumble.

I also have AS (diagnosed) and I LOATHE socializing. To me it is an incredible waste of time and mostly boring unless someone shares the same interests I do. I can fake it generally well enough, but I find it tiresome and it drains me of my energy. If it is a long affair as in like someone getting married and then the reception afterwards, I find myself running for the exit quite often. I used the excuse I was going out for a smoke, but in reality it was to get away from the over-stimulation of the event. I have an extremely difficult time picking out a voice in all the madness and I miss the majority of what someone is saying due to the distractions. I can't filter it out for all the other conversations, music, etc.

I was FORCED into retail when I had lost my engineering position back in 2001. Had offers right up until the attack and even a plane ticket and hotel booked to go for interview in another state. All the offers dried up and no one was hiring after 9/11. Well I took a retail job as I needed to pay bills and eat and started out at minimum wage. Worked in that industry (automotive retail parts) for over 6 years got ASE certification, etc. I was an assistant manager and one day came into work and was pulled off to the side. I was accused of something I had not done by someone I caught stealing and had terminated. He accused me of this and I had LP (loss prevention) and my DM (district manager) grilling me for almost 3 hours. I was a total wreck. I then took my lunch and had a major meltdown. When I went back I handed my store manager my keys and said I can't do this anymore!! Dealing with the public was bad enough and I dreaded the job. But I ALWAYS prided myself on my honesty and work ethic and this drove me totally over the edge.

Well 2 months went by looking for work and wouldn't you know only thing I could find is the same as the last job. With the exception that after training I was to have my own store. Against my better judgement, I took the position. I lasted just over 2 years until they sent me to a "bad" store to clean it up. Personnel problems galore and most conspiring against me. I did generally well enough as when I started there was ranked 14 out of 16 in sales for district. When I left as consistently 2 or 3 out of 16 in sales. What happened? Why a meltdown of course. I totally lost it as one of the s**ts sent back a part (3rd time ordering it) for a commercial customer I was attempting to woo back they had lost some time before. I tore him to shreds verbally F-bomb and all. I had quite the audience. I totally melted down throwing stuff and making calls it was quite the scene. Yes in front of customers and staff. Within a week they let me go said went to ethics board and they couldn't tolerate my actions.

Sorry for so long winded but point being an aspie I can't handle crowds, people, and interacting with them in general. Especially when it is the typical NT maliciousness and politics that come into play. I am not dissing NTs, but there are politics and a** kissing you name it involved. Why I became an engineer in the first place. If a machine pisses me off I can curse at it, kick it, abuse it, and nearly get away with machineicide so to speak. I just need to make sure no one is watching!!

Back to the socialization aspect I just don't have it in me. And according to my doctor, this is all part of aspieness I am told. Believe it or not I did qualify for unemployment after all that above. My final job I was having meltdowns as well and they tried to fight unemployment but admitted into making NO accommodations for me. Actually admitted to pushing me over the edge or trying to at least get me to quit. Not a pretty sight that day when I got up in the morning and read the morning paper and my current job had an advert to fill the position. I lasted till lunch when I had to ask the owner a question about a project . I had waited as long as I could to see if they'd say anything to me. I asked him if that advert was for my position, he cowered his head down staring at the desk and quietly said yes. They didn't even have the decency to tell me to my face!! I finished the day out battling the meltdown and got my final project done. When I left I was screaming at them outside as I pulled away!!

So NO I HATE socializing. I HATE the games that are played and the nonsense chatter that ensues. And a good portion of the clientele I had in auto parts well lets just say for many intelligence isn't a feature for most of them. NO, not all are that way but vast majority are. I live in BFE (do a google if you don't know lol) and I really think half of them are severely inbred or something. Why I ever moved out here escapes me, something about green spaces and peace and quiet. If I had only known what else lies hidden I would have known better. Similar issues to what you experience Bumble! I can relate.

Ok I rambled enough but this touched a nerve for me. I now know to avoid jobs that deal with people very much. Engineering I was ok with save the occasional meetings. But I honestly don't know how a person could make a career out of retail or something similar like fast food. Not at least someone on the spectrum. Perhaps some of you like it, I DO NOT however!

I know, tl;dnr