Other aspies and the types of people on this forum

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I would be considered successful, like several others posting here. However, I do hang around with people from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds, and I am a long way from thinking that brains or ambition or salary are what makes a person worthwhile.

I have spent more years enrolled at universities since the age of eighteen than I spent in total at all schools (K-12) before I turned eighteen. I have a BA and a Master's degree (also spent time doing both a PhD and a Master's Honours degree, but eventually dropped out - enjoyed them both and learned a lot though).

I am the most senior staff member in my section and supervise most of the others there (they are practically all NTs, and everyone has a degree or two).

I am well paid (6 digit salary) and have travelled overseas for work several times.

I am married (recently passed my 30 anniversary) with grown up children (all have university education).

I own my home outright (i.e. with no mortgage).

I travel overseas for holidays about every second year.

I am the published author of a couple of (very minor) technical works in connection with my work.

But I was depressed and anxious during high school, and if I hadn't had help (my "intervention" I call it) during my twenties, I would probably still be struggling (provided I were still alive...). I was only diagnosed recently as the name "Asperger's syndrome" didn't even exist when I was growing up. I never even suspected I was on the autism spectrum until 2009, when I did an online test by pure chance and then the pennies started dropping ("Ah! So that's why I ..."). I still have significant sensory sensitivity, and I am still learning to manage my emotions, organise myself, etc. And I still find unstructured social interaction difficult, and still have obsessive interests that I enjoy and hardly anyone else I know would care about.

Considering where I could have been, I am very grateful for the way my life has turned out. In fact, looking at my extended family, I would say that the Aspie members of the family have often succeeded more than the NTs, at least in the sense of career achievements and salary. Aspie gifts really exist, but many people on the spectrum with successful lives won't bother getting a diagnosis or hanging out at a web site forum dedicated to the spectrum. They just carry on their lives and their special interests while thinking that the rest of the world is a bit odd (except for other people who share their special interests).

As for me, I like hanging around WP. It isn't the only forum on the web that I frequent, but it is where I get my best Aspie "fix".

Nah, I wouldn't say so.

I bet most, if not all, of the people posting in this thread will have the same response as you provided - that they measure their success by happiness. It just happens that different things make different people happy.

For you, it may be a leisurely life of video games. For me, I do enjoy relaxed leisure time, but never play video games. Working on the goals I've set makes me happy. Learning things I want to know makes me happy. Gaining skills at work, getting out to partake in sports I enjoy & getting better at them (intending on getting back out to the ocean to go kiteboarding again this Summer), and yes, making more money in order to eventually lead a more abundant lifestyle makes me happy.

And I couldn't care less what others think or don't think of the goals I set & achieve. They're for me and my happiness. More of a Maslow's hierarchy "self actualization," thing.

Just because you're happy playing video games doesn't mean others are pretentious for working on & achieving different things. Tehy're just different from you and different things make them tick.

That's why successful Aspies often don't post about their successes when it is relevant. They get this kind of comment.

I only post about my successes when someone says "Aspies don't seem to have any success". Other than that, I don't think it really matters. "Success" is not the measure of a good person, not in my experience anyway.

You all seem to function well and above anything that could be considered clinically significant or life impairing.

Lol...

I am really starting to believe people with ASD don't even post on these forums and I'm just talking to puppets.

Last edited by Dreycrux on 26 May 2014, 11:30 am, edited 8 times in total.

I have no desire to associate with you, OP, so it works out.

Unpleasant responses aside, I like hearing success stories. I often wonder what the payoff for my efforts is going to be, and if I'm destined by nature to fail and be haunted by past failures. If I really do have any control or if all I have now is all I'll ever have.

People upset by hearing about it are possibly not as happy with their own choices as they claim. Better to change your own path if you're unsatisfied than try to silence people who aren't walking the same one.

For me, "success" is getting out of the bed. When I do get out of bed, a lot of my time is spent playing video games. As long as you don't harm others, seek out your "real world success" in any way you see fit.

In all honesty OP, I'm not sure what section of the forums you're reading but I've seen a lot of positivity here in this community since I got here. Sure, there's some negativity as well, but I've noticed a lot of people helping each other out, interacting well, warmly greeting each other, making newcomers feel welcome and the like. It's there to find if you're willing to look for it (which shouldn't take long at all). And since I've joined, I've been treated well, made a few friends and feel very comfortable with the people here in the community, which I am very very thankful for (seriously, as someone who spend 95% of their life in solitude, I never would have thought being part of a group could be so great).

And honestly, the negativity does come a lot from what Rascal77s mentioned: a lot of Aspies have depression from never really fitting in, especially those like me who never got the diagnosis until their adult life. From having expectations from the community you can't live up to and don't know why (unless you were lucky enough to get diagnosed early enough to help work out your problems before they become integrated with who you are) to no one really understanding or connecting with you, it's easy to see how people could fall depression. And they post here looking for help, which, unless you simply read the OP and not the replies, you'll find people attempting to help.

But to sum it up, I'd have to agree with the squid and say that I bet 80% or more of Aspies have set life goals for themselves and are working towards them (and have to agree that a lot of NTs I know are lazy and are content with living life as a couch weight).

Exactly who is to judge my stress free life of freedom and zero responsibility...Not tied down with a woman or children, not a slave to a full time job, don't have bills coming out of my arse, not wasting time studying things I will forget to get a job that will allow me to buy stuff I don't need. These are all things you must do to "get ahead" in life...whatever that means.

Not that I didn't have dreams and ambitions...I've learned you can put a hand through your dreams and they disappear completely. I don't need anyone telling me I "can do anything" cause I sure as hell wasted alot of time chasing dreams and stressing myself out over things I just couldn't do.

Now I don't really want anything. I've discovered happiness. Happiness is what everyone strives for and most people search for it in a very convoluted way that seems to last their lifetime.

success is a individual thing,one persons success is unobtainable to another person;and their success may mean nothing to another person.

wrong planet is also not just a ASD community, its a support forum so is a sanctuary for people who are experiencing difficulties or issues because of their ASD.

also,wrong planet is home to those of us all over the spectrum and some of us here are LFA [at least speaking for self,as one with ID],we have many aspies who are severe HFA; quite a few of these have full time support and struggle to access things a lot of people take for granted because of their ASD traits clashing with a non adaptable society.

its wrong to impose a one size fits all standard on WP members; regardless of people being aspie it doesnt make all equal in level of autism.

am LFA and attend a special college PT called the david lewis center,am a special olympics athlete,am a RL activist in autism and intelectual disability and sometimes work for two NHS intelectual disability teams as a member of the service user panels for choosing good staff to come onto the team.
have also worked alongside mencap for improving hospital services for those of us with ID.
this is massive success for self and are huge interests in life to.

I play video games tons, that's never gonna change! But its the truth of the matter we can adapt but this world is built for one group of people for instance even those who are disabled as in a wheelchair etc face constant problems as allot of places are still nit easily accessible to them. Also I as I mentioned do have goals, dreams and aspirations but I did doubt and still do tend to doubt that I will achieve them which is why I'm trying to change my life around.

I was given a scholarship to attend a university two hours from home. Did I take it? No. Why? I would have to have left home and live on campus. I could not bring myself to do that. Instead, I chose the local community college where I could drive each day and still live at home.

How many people would have run with the opportunity when offered a part in a feature motion picture run by MGM? Did I? No. It was too scary for me. If an acting career had panned out, then I would have had to leave my home and live far away. So I chose something that would leave me in my comfort zone. I took a teaching job less than a half hour from my parents' house. What would you have done?

I am an Aspie. I require routine and things that leave me in my comfort zone. I believe my choices are different than what an average NT young adult would have done. But my Asperger's led me down a different path, one paved in routine and a comfort zone. Teaching? Yes. The routine of the school day was familiar to me, therefore teaching would be as close to a continuation of that routine as I could get. And after marriage, I bought a house a half mile away from my parents' home.

Is this success? For me, yes. How about for an NT, given the opportunities I had? How about for you?

I am a highly rated teacher. I have done an excellent job in teaching over the past 26 years. But I can say that every day of my career has had me on the edge of my seat due to sensory issues involved in my job and other concerns. I have been driven to high blood pressure and unhealthy anxiety due to my career. But yet I plow on, maintaining high levels of teaching (according to my evaluations). But I feel I am coming to the end of my ropes in how long I can maintain teaching. Had I taken another kind of job would have placed me out of my comfort zone, and I probably would not have been happy there. My ultimate goal is to become a successful author and earn my living that way.

Am I pretentious? Definitely not. The previous post of my successes are accurate. But why have I not run with them? I have had many opportunities that I have shelved because to have pursued them would have removed me from my routine and comfort zone. I have instead taught in the same school system for 26 years and not pursued those things that were considered promising for me.

You are full of wisdom KingdomOfRats

I know that for me, it is the only "online place" where I feel at home. I tell everyone that WP is the best website ever.

To me success is having a roof of my own over my head.

You can't judge who's autistic and who isn't over the Internet. You have to meet somebody in person in order to judge how autistic they really are. Yes, we all have different ideas of success. I was raised in a collectivist environment so I do crave more conventional success which does make me happier. However, we are all different as to the people we've been surrounded with and the kinds of supports we have received throughout our lives. I see autism as both a disability and a difference. Any disability is a difference, really. I don't have depression nor social anxiety, which is maybe why I find life much easier in some respects than other people on the spectrum. Honestly, I know exactly how I got to where I am now. I can explain it but others actually often doubt that the things I have done for myself to succeed would transfer to others because they attribute my suceess solely to my unique life circumstances (and I can't disprove this!). I have no fears and I feel free and unconstrained while following certain "rules of the game". I also have a brain that simply filters out negativity and focuses on positives. That's just my personality but I think it has helped me cope emotionally a lot.

If that makes you happy, then that's okay. I like making a difference in the lives of other people, which is a huge motivator for me. Another one, which I've learned from video games, is building myself up (increasing levels, getting better armor, weapons, etc.). The idea of success in the real world is the same thing.

Now, with relationships, I feel like I've almost lived in a parallel universe for the past few years. I have surrounded myself with people on the spectrum. I don't get along with everyone in the autism community, of course, but this has allowed me to develop a strong identity and to develop unconditional acceptance of other people. Somehow, relationships and friendships within just happened to me, like they do for NTs. The difference is, I barely had any friends before I started associating with others on the spectrum. Most people don't get the opportunity to do this because of where they live, how they live, etc. I am very lucky.

I've also developed strong self-advocacy skills and have public speaking training, which I think also helped me a lot in communicating with others. Practice helps, too, but, again, you need an accepting and conducive environment for an opportunity to practice your communication skills.

It's always nice to see a pleasant face