If you could choose not to be Aspie would you?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't care much about my intellect because I don't think it would decrease if I chose to be NT. In fact I think it would increase, if anything. My mind might be able to store more useful information, instead of storing anxious and paranoid thoughts all the time, what often get me nowhere.

I've always wished I was NT from birth, because things would have been much better through school. I wouldn't have been as rejected as I was, and I probably would have fitted in quite nicely, and been invited to more parties and sleepovers. I know I would, because I come from a nice-natured family and I'm nice-natured myself as an Aspie, so probably that trait would have been in me if I was NT, and I probably would have just been socially better off at school. I know my Asperger's did stand in the way of being accepted, because I did often feel like the ''class idiot/class loner''. I wish I could re-live my childhood again as an NT child, and been more of a happier child with more friends, instead of having tantrums and spoiling things for others. Often that happened when my family all came round at the week-end with their kids (my cousins), and I would start to act like a spoiled brat and start grizzling instead of just joining in the games and having fun. My tantrums soon made my aunts and uncles want to go home, and I totally regret it now. I don't know what my neighbours thought when all they could hear was a 7 or 8-year-old crying and screaming non-stop in the garden.

This makes me think of a quote I heard once.

"If all of our troubles could be hung out on a line,
You would take yours and I would take mine."

But the question of choosing to be born again without Aspergers, is a lot more complicated than that. I don't know. The phrase just popped into my head.

I said no, because I have no idea how else to be. My entire life, I have lived with my body/ mind the way it is and I don't know how to be anyone else. I am fairly comfortable as an Aspie and have no desire to be NT.

I've mentioned on this forum that I'm an NT but half the time I'm not really sure. I have a childhood history that matches up the diagnostics for Aspie. Speech delay etc.

If I am Aspie, than yes of course I would prefer to be NT.

One can be both NT and intelligent.

Having social issues, strong reclusive tendencies, not having or forming very good attachment relationships..to me, these are the things that make life full of depth. I feel that my isolation and lack of attachment make things quite depressing for me. I'd absolutely rather be able to be to form close emotional attachments etc.

Trust me when I say that I have felt tempted by the idea of getting rid of my autism. It is a disability and it has been difficult to get where I am now. I know that I will continue to struggle throughout my life and I'm lucky to even have the independence I now have. However, I also know that my life would never be the same without it.

I don't think its wrong to assume that many of my better qualities are directly related to my aspergers. I am by no means a savant, but I know my obsessions, my drive and perfectionism, while they are burdensome, are also what have kept me going. My obsession with film and animation has fuelled my career path and only makes me more determined. Yes, even the narrow, rigid thinking in ASD has helped me out. Not because I'm closed minded (though I can be) but because I stand by my principles and I think you need a certain level of stubbornness and vision to be like that.

Yes, I may have had these qualities without AS, but AS augments them for me. And, no - aspergers isn't a blessing, but nor is it really a curse. To me, I am disordered, but not broken. Like I said, I am disabled and I accept that, but if not being an aspie means that I have to give up the things most pivotal in my identity, then no thanks - I'll pass.

Interesting thought experiment... I don't think I really have any basis for comparison on the issue. I think it would probably mean trading one set of strengths and weaknesses for an arbitrary other set of personality traits. Neither of these scenarios would give me an external reference frame.

Funny story, but only tangentially related so stop reading here if you don't want your attention diverted from the stated topic of this thread...

Thinking about this reminds me of the first fight I had with my last ex. We were discussing the philosophical debate "free will v. determinism". He had studied philosophy and had a whole arsenal of quotable academia "at the ready", in support of the free will side of things. I got stuck before even choosing a side and didn't see the point of debating the issue.... to me, free will seems like decision-based push through reality whereas determinism has us progressing toward a pulling fixed endpoint. Either way, push v pull, we end up plotting a single path through circumstance and describing how we get where we end up boils down to definitions. Like for example, I could say that the nature of my personality determined the outcome of my every decision along the way. So do my series of decisions "count" as free will?

The ex took my inability to distinguish the two positions as a rejection of free will and the debate quickly spun out of control and into "how could you possibly think we don't have free will" territory. Clearly only a heartless monster would think there is no such thing as free will. Looking back though, I might have guessed he would turn out to be a control freak, what with his irrational clinging to the idea of free will....

No, because my AS is part of why my personality and special interests are so unique and colourful, even here on WP. My AS is also part of what taught me to be considerate of the feelings and differences of others. I've learned not to be cruel and hurtful, because others have been that way towards me for nearly 40 years - even my own family. I like to be the wild, crazy one who's doing his own thing, so that's why I wouldn't choose to be NT in this point of my life.

I voted yes, but it's a relative yes.

Relative to how strong my symptoms were 2 years ago, absolutely I'd choose not to be Aspie.

But since I figured out how to GREATLY reduce my symptoms until they're now very minimal, I'm not so sure I'd want to completely eliminate every AS trait I have.. as there are certainly some perks to it in terms of memory, calculating things, seeing things differently etc.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Why take it away if I've been living with it for most of my life?

Just what kind of sense does that make? I'm happy with who I am.

I'm pretty much socially ret*d but I wouldn't give it up because with all my problems, I have awareness. I read about and feel for things happening to people all around the planet and I'm brightly sharply aware of my existence as not being the center of the universe. Most normals are so damn shallow and not terribly intellectual. I wouldn't want to trade the years of bullying I endured for becoming an idiot, ever.

Yes I would, even if it means losing years of my life. Even if the cure means i would die in a year, I would take it. Better to life for a year as an NT, than a life time an apsie.

It's a no from me. This is who I am. Ceasing to be ASD would be as self-alienating for me
as ceasing to be a woman, or having my long arms shortened, or getting Alzheimers. It's an intrinsic thread in the whole fabric of my identity, and without that thread, I would never be a whole person again.

Yes, it has brought tremendous challenges, suffering sometimes, heartbreak sometimes. It has also brought me unearned or unexpected blessings too. I am who I am. I don't want to be someone else.

It's a waste of time, energy and emotion to hate part of yourself that you can't change. I'm grateful to WP because it has helped me accept parts of myself I was ambivalent about before I joined the forum, and with greater self-acceptance, my life has become much happier.

Absolutely.

I know being NT is no guarantee of being "better," just "different," but I know what I'm missing out on that I wish I could have in my life. I think I'd overall be happier being NT and not being hamstrung by how autism affects my life.