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Some of your experiences on meltdowns. Advice, please :)

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16 Jun 2014, 6:26 am

Everyone I'd think has their own ideas of what they want/need during a "meltdown" - for me personally, I want to be left alone in every form. I don't want to be touched, talked to, or really acknowledged in any way shape or form until it's over and done with. Then, said person is more than welcome to comfort me.


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16 Jun 2014, 9:07 am

MrGrumpy wrote:
Nadakan - meltdowns can take many forms. It has taken many years for me to understand that my meltdowns are an escape mechanism. Relationships impose unbearable demands, and I usually respond with some kind of rage attack, but when the red mist evaporates, I am filled with regret. But it is not reasonable for somebody like me to expect somebody else to 'be there' whenever I need them.

Your girlfriend is lucky to have found you. Life with an Aspie will always be a challenge, and it will take you to unexpected places. Enjoy!


That first paragraph pretty much summed up my experiences with meltdowns. I've had maybe half a dozen, all caused by immediate family or their partners. Since removing myself from close contact with my family several years ago I haven't had one.



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16 Jun 2014, 6:45 pm

Nadakan wrote:
I feel annoyed with myself that it's sort of too late to make amends because I've come at her with my emotions without understanding Aspergers. It's taken a while to digest everything to the point where I can now see exactly what she is going through and what I have done to frustrate everything.


I understand how you feel. I've been in a similar position more than once where I unknowingly did the wrong thing or complicated things somehow. You did the best you could and you can't fault yourself for not knowing better than you did. Sometimes trying to fix things makes it worse and it's best to just take a step back and give it some space.



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18 Jun 2014, 1:43 am

Indeed giving space is the only thing that I can do.

What is most difficult is that along with the emotional confusion she goes through, she has the theory of mind thing. But she goes through that to a large extreme. She virtually cannot see things from other people's perspectives, even if it is made glaringly obvious to her. And the problem is that she also gets angry and upset if she is told or shown that how she saw things was wrong. That in itself can trigger anger and anxiety in her which makes her prone to a meltdown. She then cuts off for however long she feels she needs to.

She even finds it difficult to comprehend that I have different feelings to hers sometimes. And she projects pretty much everything she feels onto situations that we have had. It was very confusing when I didn't know what was going on. I actually thought she had something like Narcissistic Personality Disorder with how her anger came about when she refused to compromise with some things.

So, with emotional confusion she goes through each day and the mindblindedness, I'm realizing that I love her to bits and I'll be patient and there for her, but it is up to her to listen and try to understand that other people have opinions and ideas of things as well.