"Normal" Sexuality

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That sounds similar to what she was saying about Pavarotti. It made me really uncomfortable - I guess because I'm not pretty by anyone's standards. I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of that. And it's exactly what I'm talking about - is everything about JUST THAT? Even if it's someone you'll never have sex with anyway so there is no reason for it even to come into play, someone who is DEAD even. I don't get it.

I might be wrong, but it seems she just misunderstood what you meant by "swoon". I think I understand what you are talking about tho, it happens to me as well, especially with classical music, and sometimes music in a movie, like (just as an example) during the ending scene of The Da Vinci Code (its a mix of Tom Hanks talent, the music, and the scene itself), and once in a while a voice too, and I can see why you would feel this way while listening to Pavarotti. And none of this has anything to do with sex at all. I feel this with some of the music from the LOTR and The Hobbit movies as well (my favorite movies!), and other music in other movies. I think that's the idea too, the ones who write these musical pieces are indeed trying to convey a certain emotion and/or feeling, and some of them are very talented at this. I would guess that "neurotypical" (non-autistic) people have those feelings as well.

Here is the scene I was talking about

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5rIx4VQhhM[/youtube]

if the OP means swoon the way I think she does, maybe she is referring to stendahl's syndrome? I know I have that and I DO swoon over certain pieces of music or behaviors of animals/humans.

Ha, well they know that I'm not interested in men, they think it makes me weird.
They know that I've been talking about opera music and listening to it at work for about a month now (thanks to my mentors in the music section)!
They know I just got opera tickets. I would think she would have understood what I meant! Whatever.

the people with stendahl's syndrome are almost never properly understood by anybody else.

Had to look that one up, auntblabby!

That's pretty cool!



I don't know that I've ever actually fainted over it though. It puts me in a trance where my mind wanders off - not that it takes much to make my mind wander off! I wonder if that qualifies.

I am positive that it does btw I first learned about stendahl's syndrome about a decade back when I was watching "who wants to be a millionaire" and it was [I think] a $500 question.

I've wondered if people normally swoon much at all, and if the closest normal experience is sex.

I get extreme reactions to music like that, sometimes to where it's emotionally exhausting. I've assumed it's an "intense world" thing.

I get the reaction from things as varied as watching the movie "AI-Artificial Intelligence" or "the snow monkeys of mozu" - and listening to the fritz reiner/cso performance of "scheherezade" [that absolutely floors me]. watching a Cantonese master musician play the er hu also does it.

NTs swoon, and I'm pretty sure she understood what you meant. It's not an uncommon term to use, and your context was clear. I really do think that she was making an observation about the difference between his voice and his appearance. Given what you've shared, wozeree, she might have felt even more comfortable doing so because she knows that you're not into men. I'm sorry that made you uncomfortable. On a happier note, if she didn't think you were attractive (generally attractive, not necessarily sexually attracted to you) she probably would not have said it. People don't normally make fun of someone else in front of someone who "suffers from the same condition".

I agree that this is possible as well.

Personally I don't think he was a bad looking man at all, but I don't understand what his appearance has to do with anything in this context, or at least not as a comparison as in: how can he be so "ugly" (which he was not) and have such a great voice.

We don't really know what wozeree's friend said exactly, apart from a reference to Pavarotti's appearance, maybe it had nothing to do at all with anything sexual, or even with wozeree's comment, and she just wanted to express her feelings about his appearance.

I don't think she's all that crazy about his voice, she probably just lumps him in with "opera," which bores her. So I doubt it was about that.

Anyway, part of the reason that I am so curious about this is because I seem to be in an almost constant state of friction with people. And by friction, I don't mean arguments or hard feelings. This right here is a good example, we often end up having two different conversations. THe one I'm talking about and the one they're talking about. Oy. Maybe if I approach everything through SEX, things will improve.

you are right that many people filter everything through sex, or at least through a mercenarily Darwinian lens.

Being attracted to someone needn't be romantic, even for people who aren't asexual. The term "girl crush" comes to mind--a straight girl feels attracted to another (probably straight) girl, and there's nothing sexual in it--she just thinks a whole lot of the other girl and wants to be her friend, spend a lot of time with her, hang out, be part of her group. The phenomenon of being "instant best friends" with somebody happens when that kind of attraction is reciprocated. I'm sure it happens for guys, too.

And of course people are perfectly capable of seeing people they're not sexually attracted to, and perceiving that they are beautiful. Artists who capture the beauty of a human figure in their work needn't be attracted to the gender of the person they are portraying.

The focus on romance is largely cultural, I think. We worship it, think it's a lot more important than friendship. But that's not always been the case. In the past, the ideal relationship would've reminded you more of a buddy cop movie than a romance film--two people in a platonic relationship, taking on the world, and probably their enemies, together. Women were just the people they came back to after the adventure was over (of course these protagonists were usually men, an oversight if you ask me). Friendship was celebrated a good deal more then than it is now.

I don't think it's an autistic/NT thing at all; it's more of a sign of our cultural preoccupation with romantic relationships. Most NTs know what it's like to want to be friends with someone, or to have a close friend--they just don't think much about it. Friendships just exist, largely unexamined, while romance is endlessly talked about.

Are you sure she was referring to sex and/or your comment tho, and not just to her own feelings about him, i.e. that she didn't think he looked good? That's one of the parts I don't understand, is why she started talking about his appearance. And I know what you mean about having 2 different conversations, also maybe it was difficult for her to understand your feelings about him/his voice, if she is not interested in opera, so she talked about something else about him.

Very true. It happened to me with a girl at work, when we met it was like we had always known each other eventho we had never met before (and I know she felt the same because she mentioned it first), and neither of us is gay, nor did we feel any sexual attraction for each other. It was a very neat thing lol I haven't seen her in years tho, we lost track of each other, just like I lose track of everyone else (and its mainly my own fault, I'm not good at staying in touch with people, even when I like them).