Manipulative aspies?

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My mom told me I was very good at it as a baby and toddler and then stopped at age three. I don't know if I succeeded in it but she said I was so good and I made crocodile tears. Now I can't make myself have them anymore so I wonder if we all lose our abilities as we get older.

I remember trying to make others feel guilty when I was older or feel sorry for me. I don't think that ever worked though. It did sometimes but not everyone cares how they made you feel or if they hurt you unless they knew it was an act or knew my agenda.

lol very cute

what do you mean by manipulative? what are the people actually doing?

to me, manipulative is a few different types of behavior, the main thing i think of is playing two or more people against each other to get what you want. i don't do that and it feels wrong to even attempt to do, although i can't articulate why, but it's not even really something anyone would admit or you might even notice to if they are a "good" manipulator!

or manipulative could be lying in order to get some need met or to get out of trouble and yeah i've done that, like as a kid i found you don't get bullied if you play dumb, or i'd say my homework was done, even learning not to ask questions in school because i'd get picked on for being "too interested".

i find that a lot of times people lie because they are worried about hurting the other person's feelings and again that is something that feels wrong to do, i think mainly because i find it confusing and leads to more misunderstandings and miscommunication.

although i just read that the "average" person gets angry when people don't express agreement with them and it doesn't matter how tactful you are in expressing that you have a different point of view. that was news to me! i still have a hard time believing it. i like different points of view and learning new things and opinions as long as the person isn't being dogmatic about it or framing it as black and white.

or sometimes people lie because they are worried about being too open and getting hurt themselves.

those are really hard to determine if other people are doing, to call it manipulation, a lot of it comes down to a value judgement about whether you feel their intentions were good or bad.

i've known some ASD people that said they couldn't do something because of sensory issues and i felt like they probably just didn't want to do it, but i know that i've said the same thing and some people don't believe me either.

if i was feeling manipulated, i think i would just tell the person i was feeling manipulated and explain why it felt that way, what actions were they doing, without accusing them. i think if they get defensive, angry and don't make an effort to work towards an understanding with you it likely means they were being manipulative or it means they don't really care about how you feel and that's good to know too because it means you should probably avoid them either way.

That's a really interesting point. People always go on about social skills being a good thing, but lying and manipulation are also part of that.

I sometimes consider myself to be a little manipulative, but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily a bad person.