How do I tell my friend I think he has autism?

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No-one ever told me, and if they had, I think I would have been offended, however gently they intimated it. And I don't think I would have believed them. I knew very little about ASD then: only media depictions of extremely violent out of control adolescents and children, who wrecked their parents' houses, and films like Rainman - neither of which I related to in the slightest. That was 20 years ago.

So it is hard for me to put myself in his shoes. There is far more realistic information now, though the stigmatisation of ASD people as a group is perhaps greater now than it was then.

I do know a "3 question rule" about whether to tell someone negative information about themselves:

"Is it true?" (Yes)
"Is it kind?" (I don't know, in the long run possibly)
"Is it necessary?" (In relation to what/which outcome? I am confused about this)

Sigh

I think that whether or not you should tell him is based off of what type of person he is and how well he is functioning without a diagnosis.

There are many people who don't really need to know that they have anything. Although they are different from other people, they have adjusted for that and are perfectly happy living there lives without a label. If you think that your friend is one of these people, then you can tell him or not but it probably wont make a big difference,

Others seem to fall apart when they are diagnosed, unable to be happy once a doctor has labeled them as something that they feel makes them less. If you think your friend would be like this, then it is probably best to leave well enough alone and not tell him at all.

There is a third group that I know of, of which I was originally part of, who already know that there is something off about them and would like to finally have a name for it. If this describes the type of person you think your friend is, then definitely tell him your idea that he's Autistic, explain why you think that and let him look into it for himself, perhaps providing a few sites where he can get information about Autism just to get started and let him take it from there.

I hope this helps give you some ideas for how to approach this situation.

I appreciate your very thoughtful reply.

He is a very sensitive person, acutely so - but then, so am I. Very frequently he marvels at how alike we are (and we are), which he celebrates, as (like most of us) he has been lonely within himself for a long time, and as we got to know each other, it was a meeting of minds, preferences, and quirks, as well as hearts. I have known him for nearly 7 months.

I took inspiration from what you wrote: I would raise the topic by saying, "You know how we are so very much alike, in so many ways? Well, I think there may be another way in which we are alike...have you ever wondered if I am on the autistic spectrum? Actually, I am, though I was surprised when I first discovered that. I'd like to tell you about my experience, and sometimes I have wondered if that might be true for you too?"

I think his initial response will be: "No, I don't think that's true for me" then he will go away and read everything he can find. I hope (if I do it) that he will come back again afterward. I guess my biggest fear is that he won't come back. Not sure I can face that at this stage though.