Christian parenting of a child with ASD

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Taffykate, I will PM you.

I think there's a lot to be discussed that would work better in a conversation format.

I believe I have AS, but am undiagnosed.

I am a Christian (stick to the Bible, not to political stuff.) I was raised by Christian parents (my dad may have AS.) I have two kids, one at least which may have AS.

I have taught piano to a few kids with AS, at least one that came from a strong Christian family. There *IS* a big difference between AS kids based on the way they are raised, IMO.

I will summarize by saying that the Christian families I know will not allow AS kids to wallow in self-centeredness.

hi nerdygirl, Sorry for my ignorance, but what does PM me mean?

PM = Private Mail or Private Message... i.e. your Inbox on the forum

ASD is a medical condition at it's core and so I think best treated in the most current professional medical methods.

But since it is often one of the invisible conditions, people in society will come up with all sorts of interpretations and beliefs on what is best for the ASD individual.

I would recommend that church and medical treatment be kept separate. If a person with an ASD child intends to join a church for instance, they should look into church policy and be firm, if the issue comes up, that they will follow professional medical advice and treatments, and not church or member dictates.

But besides that, the church envirionment might be a positive experience for an ASD child as it may provide opportunity for socializing and participating in activities with other kids. It mostly depends on the individual church and congregation, that their heart is in the right place. If it is, it can be a more welcoming and supportive environment then most other places. The parent has to observe, watch and listen.

thanks kraftie.
some years ago when used to be sat in their house using wrongplanet,mum woud walk past and get offended saying its a devil worshipping cult and woud shout that it cant be done in her house, no amount of showing her threads helped her to understand what it was,she still hasnt got a clue about the concept of forums.

I will honestly admit, I was raised in a semi-Catholic household growing up, but from a young age I didn't really care much for Christian religious ceremonies, nor was I all that convinced about Biblical theories. I wanted to convert to Buddhism for a period of time, but my mother didn't allow it. Finally, when I was 12 I was like "screw it" and became an atheist. I was baptized Catholic, but I never went for my confirmation, though I almost did because *admittedly* I found the concept of getting to drink communion wine appealing. Clearly not a logical reason to take it up, though I was 9 at the time, and going through a bit of an anarchistic phase.

I guess what I'm trying to get at, is that a child's religion should be their choice, and not something forced on them. Now, that being said, I believe it's important to train children to be decent human beings, which I think is ultimately what this is all about. Some may work well with it being taught in a religious context, others in a non-religious context. Keep in mind that a lot of people on the spectrum don't really "get" religion, but don't take this as a wide-sweeping generalization, as there are plenty of religious aspies. Like I said, the goal of this ultimately boils down to teaching children to be decent human beings. Some people take religion well, others don't, and if you force it on the ones who don't, you may end up with unwanted results.

Many might but certainly not all will, and I think where they don't it is likely to cause them more problems that it would an NT child.

I was raised with old school "Christian" values in the 80s/90s which encouraged compliance, respect for elders, manners, Please, Thank you, adults never addressed by their first name etc. I also went to Catholic primary and convent secondary school which smoothed out some more rough edges, turn taking in conversation and activities, listening to stuff you have no interest in and responding when there's a pause, public speaking, more manners etc There were consequences at school and at home if rules weren't adhered to.
At the time I didn't appreciate how useful the upbringing was in terms of social interactions, but the lessons have stuck even though I'm not religious now and I think they definitely got me ready for the world.

I know that my Christian faith has helped me to be a more "well-adjusted" aspie than I would otherwise have been. All my life, it was not people at church who put me on the "outside", but people at school or in the neighborhood. At home and at church, I was taught to treat people how I would like to be treated. I was taught what it meant to love (and be loved.) Was/is church *perfect*? No, people are not perfect. But one can tell the difference between those who care and make mistakes and those who are hypocritical.

I am sorry many of you have had bad experiences with church and religious zealots who really do not know what they are talking about. My faith comes from a place of logic. I do not claim to know everything, but I am satisfied with enough through logical thinking that I can put up with the gaps in "faith."

I wish you all could come to my church. It is full of loving people, where I am accepted and anyone else who is "different" is accepted. We have a mix of all kinds of people from different socioeconomic and educational backgrounds. There is one little girl who had brain damage from a cyst in her brain when she was a toddler. She is LOVED. There are even a couple of people who are morbidly obese, but they are accepted. Of course, people are concerned about their health, but they are NEVER PUT DOWN. NEVER. Not to their face, not behind their backs. Everyone gets along, everyone is treated with respect, no one backbites, we all talk to one another. I am not making this up. That doesn't mean we are all best buddies. I can't "relate" to everyone on that special level, but I can enjoy conversations after church or at fellowship meals. I am not close friends with anyone, but I am accepted, and I know that if I was in need anyone there would do whatever they could to help. Actually, last year we were GIVEN a minivan because our other car broke down. There is no "group think" where I am, as if we are all expected to be exactly the same. We are not. We accept each other and learn from one another, realizing we ALL have something to offer.

It's real.

Please don't let the actions of hypocritical, uninformed, and ignorant people turn you off to Christianity. Read the canonical Gospels, look at how Jesus actually lived and treated people, and then go find the Christians who do likewise. You will see what I am talking about.

Don't be like my parents and not be willing to listen to your kid when it's their disability, not yours. When it concerns big decisions, I feel as though my parents would like to shut me out of that process (typical Asian parents). They've already determined the college I have to go to and what I'm supposed to be and everything. That includes not being myself. They say that you can't let other people think you're weird. But I say to them, "That's exactly what I want, because those people are scum and the people who approach me are the real friends."

I find Christians to be very unaccepting of anyone that is a little different. I avoid their gatherings at all costs.

I love your All Cats have Aspergers book.

Very good point. On a different, but related, topic, let me tell you about a friend of mine:

He and his twin brother were born with glaucoma. Surgery worked on his twin, but not him. He was legally blind his entire life, which sadly ended this past January due to complications from leukemia.

Their mom is very religious--born-again, almost "fanatical" levels. As a result, they were/are both agnostic. On many occasions, he was told (or it was at least implied), by their mother and other "well-meaning" Christians, that his condition (blindness) was in some way "his fault", and that things might get better if he just "accepted God." He had to put up with the same crap during his illness.

My point: please, never, ever, EVER make your kids think that it is somehow "their fault", for any "reason" (religious or otherwise). That will not convert them--it will send them in the opposite direction. Furthermore, they will be left feeling that they are somehow "wrong" or "defective", when what they need is YOUR unconditional love no matter what.

Religion can help in some cases, but the moment it does more harm than good, lay it aside.

Demon possession was the only way they could describe autism back in those days whether it was true or not.

I agree, and good churches would point people to medical professionals, if treatment is needed.

Some years ago, I had a friend who was prone to outbursts of rage and verbal abuse. Two churches competed, both trying to cast out his demon. Then a doctor found he had an intolerance to sugar. A change in diet changed his life.

When I was 11 I learned about evolution for the first time in science classes and found the religious studies I was being taught in another class to be totally illogical and nothing but mythology and make believe. At that point I decided I didn't believe in any gods. However, the headmaster of the school thought differently and I was repeatedly beaten with a cane and forced to sing hymns and pray aloud to Jesus and to God between the ages of 11 and 15. As far as I'm concerned, Christianity is a disease. It is sick and barbaric and it most certainly has nothing to do with ASD's.

TallyMan, that is a terribly sad story. I am so sorry you had to go through that. So much harm has been done in the name of Christianity. For myself, I am inclined not to say I am a Christian, but rather I say I am a follower of Jesus and Jesus would be appalled by what was done to you in his name. This is one thing I want to touch on in my book - never punishing a child for questioning his faith and never forcing a child to join in church activities he dislikes.