Is trial&error the only way to learn if something's rude

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I learned in the same way that the use of the comparative of an adjective suggests that someone/something is already whatever that adjective means. About that person becoming "fatter", I think it's ok because she was obviously in really good shape. Calling someone like that fat is silly and can usually only be taken as a joke. Being able to talking about someone's weight openly implies that he/she is in good shape because otherwise it would be a touchy subject although each case is different. Now if someone could realistically be seen as even slightly fat, it's a totally different story. Calling someone like that fat could realistically be taken seriously and offend. I usually avoid talking about someone's appearance or anything personal altogether whether it's about a man or a woman. That's the surest way to avoid being inappropriate.

You can learn whether saying something is inappropriate or not by listening to other people's conversations, watching TV dramas and so on, too. It doesn't have to be you that try and make mistakes. I also do sometimes ask some people if saying something is considered inappropriate.

Not just trial and error, observing people goes a long way I think, at least it did for me.

i agree with all on not wanting to be rude to NT's, even inadvertently, especially to those i've just met. and when it does happen, i for sure hear about it. (there are a few individuals who have come to earn my ire, however)

i just wish it was reciprocal. through the years, so many humans have been so rude to me, both inadvertently and intentionally - but apparently that's ok. at least none of them ever seems to get called out on it, and my reactions to it are always challenged.

A combination of manners, trial and error, and observation was how I learned. However, I learned most unspoken social rules through trial and error, which brings up all sorts of embarrassing memories, but are effective reminders to never do them again.

Yeah, watching TV shows can be good, however watching movies is not really my thing. I prefer TV shows more.

I learned trial and error. I would say things I learned in school only to get in trouble for it at home and I learned it was a bad thing to say. I realize now that wasn't the case, I think it was me saying it at the wrong time and I thought it was the phrase itself that was bad. It's like how I used to say "cool" about anything to mean "wow" and shocking but then to say "cool" when I saw a car on fire and my mom corrected me than getting mad at me because if she had gotten mad at me, I would have thought cool was a bad thing to say and think it's bad to say every time. By then my mom understood me more so she started to educate me and correct me than get mad.

Anything I did or say and be told that was rude, I would just add that to list of rude behavior so I would knot to not ever do that again. I was so literal I didn't even think rules change and it depended on the situation and I always mimicked people. If I saw them doing something and got no consequence for it, that would tell me it's an okay thing to do and do it too. I was a follower. I still find it confusing for when it's okay to do certain things so I don't do them at all and no stress.

I still learn but by reading posts and I learn from that so it's not really trial and error, more like learning from others experience. I had to learn the hard way that "claim" implies it's a lie someone makes up so when I said my old friend claims to have three kids instead of two, that offended a bunch of moms on babycenter but I never said my friend couldn't say she has three kids. I just said she says she has three kids even though she only has two. I had no idea people consider themselves as having a certain number of kids even though one has died or one died through miscarriage or stillborn. But women took offense to that because they saw it as them being accused of lying about how many kids they have because of what "claim" implies. I think it was more of my ignorance of not understanding the word. If we don't understand a meaning of a word, it will cause misunderstandings. But yet I seemed to have used it right according to the dictionary definition. Or the time I said my aunt and uncle were cheap and everyone laughed and I didn't understand the word really. I used it the way I was taught and I also found out my dad had been insulting me all along because he is always calling me cheap and my mom has called me cheap and she has called herself cheap because she was being frugal or thrifty. So I call my aunt and uncle cheap but said it as a backhanded compliment unintentionally. I said it in a joking way even though I was serious and everyone laughed and I misinterpreted the situation. Now I think I said something wrong every time someone laughs and if I do something and someone laughs, I always think I did something wrong. My mom tells me to not worry about it when people laugh and she thinks it's not a big deal and told me it is confusing so just let it go and not worry about it and I asked her if she has that same issue too and she said "I don't have Asperger's" so I figured she doesn't have that issue and she meant it's confusing for me, not confusing for everyone. Now I try to avoid using the word because I don't want to offend anyone but yet I get told it's okay to still say it but I just have to be careful and for me that is confusing so I would rather not say it at all. Maybe it's fine in my family but with everyone else, no. I also said the word dump once to a parent and it was online luckily because at least I didn't say it at work where there are a bunch of working moms or say it in a playgroup and my dad is always saying he will dump me off at home or at work or at the mall or bookstore so I said it to a mom online about a POS daycare she checked out and it was totally dangerous because of so many safety issues and I said to her good thing she checked the place out before dumping her kids off there. I had no idea what dump implied and even aspies knew what it implied and why it's offensive so they poked fun at me about it and I ignored it. Then again, maybe it was just my ignorance and I was echoing the word because it's been said to me so many times so I said it to someone else. Trial and error.