Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

My Son's Behavior is Infuriating, and Embarrasing

Page 2 of 5 [ 77 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

lostonearth35
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,739
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?

25 Aug 2014, 3:18 pm

My mother and I went out for lunch today. Kids and infants were squealing, shrieking, talking at the top of their voices and being just generally obnoxious. I'm pretty sure they were all NT. I have a problem with sudden loud noises, it can be very jarring when I'm trying to eat and have a pleasant two-way conversation with someone else, the latter of which was something I wasn't always good at. I wish we had some places I could go to that are "brat-free".



Marybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,818

25 Aug 2014, 3:18 pm

CLMANSF wrote:
Marybird wrote:
You need to start being proud of your son with the different neurology. He deserves that.


I am proud of how handsome he is, I am proud of his smile, his laughter, his sense of humor. And his intelligence. I am not proud of the stimming and shrieking and scratching and the pinching.

The autism embarrasses you?



The_Walrus
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,845
Location: London

25 Aug 2014, 3:18 pm

Your feelings are understandable. I'm glad you recognise that he's not being "naughty" and that you should try and empathise with him, but don't beat yourself up because you find looking after him challenging. It is challenging!



CLMANSF
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

25 Aug 2014, 3:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I think, if you model for him, and the ABA therapist models for him, that he will acquire the proper grammar. Kids have a way of catching up if allowed to flourish.

He doesn't sound like he confuses pronouns. This means he is self-aware.

My mother was very hard at me at times. This has affected our relationship to this day.

I believe, if you don't offer a reason to rebel, that he'll continue to make progress.


We are all modeling for him. All day and night. I am sorry your mom was hard on you. I don't want to be that kind of parent, I want to do better.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

25 Aug 2014, 3:19 pm

It's good that you're listening to other perspectives, and are not stuck on your own.



nerdygirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,645
Location: In the land of abstractions and ideas.

25 Aug 2014, 3:21 pm

CLMANSF wrote:
loner1984 wrote:
Let me get this straight, he is 3 years old, and he can disassemble the vacuum cleaner ?. Sounds like a freaking MacGyver genius, if this is the case. :P


He take the canister apart, takes the hose apart, then puts the whole thing back, again and again and again and again...

He turns the ipad on, finds his app, and then does his games (mostly educational, like seeing an object and dragging the letters to name the object. (Example, the app shows a house and he drags H-O-U-S-E to the proper slots.

He turns on my electronic drums and fiddles constantly with the plugs and knobs and dials.

He loves toilet plunges and toilet bowl cleaners and mops.

He sees a sign or letters and will say "T goes Tuh!"

And so on.


Your son sounds smart. Have you considered the possibility that he is bored?

Can he put together puzzles? If so, you might want to stock up on those.

And, no parent makes friends with other parents at the pool, especially when our kids are young. We are all too focused on making sure our kids don't slip under the water for too long.



CLMANSF
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

25 Aug 2014, 3:25 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
My mother and I went out for lunch today. Kids and infants were squealing, shrieking, talking at the top of their voices and being just generally obnoxious. I'm pretty sure they were all NT. I have a problem with sudden loud noises, it can be very jarring when I'm trying to eat and have a pleasant two-way conversation with someone else, the latter of which was something I wasn't always good at. I wish we had some places I could go to that are "brat-free".


I know it's wrong for me to compare. Other little kids were saying "daddy watch me!" My son was squealing. Probably with joy and excitement at being in the pool. That makes me a jerk (or worse) for being embarrassed of his inability to express himself in the NT way.



YippySkippy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,986

25 Aug 2014, 3:25 pm

I think it's pretty normal to be embarrassed, actually. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. You love your son, you're trying to give him the best upbringing you can, but it's embarrassing when he acts weird in public. I hear you, believe me.
What I can tell you is that things are going to get better and worse in time. Better, because you will acclimate to being the parent of a child with ASD and things that used to embarrass you will cease to do so. You will stop caring what a bunch of (mostly ignorant) other people think of your family. And worse, because a lot of behaviors that are cute or excusable at 3 are no longer cute OR excusable at 9. As your son gets older, his differences will become more obvious, not less.



CLMANSF
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

25 Aug 2014, 3:26 pm

Marybird wrote:
CLMANSF wrote:
Marybird wrote:
You need to start being proud of your son with the different neurology. He deserves that.


I am proud of how handsome he is, I am proud of his smile, his laughter, his sense of humor. And his intelligence. I am not proud of the stimming and shrieking and scratching and the pinching.

The autism embarrasses you?


I don't know. Maybe not the autism, per se, but the shrieking and the stimming, etc. Maybe he can be autistic, but not turn the light switch on and off over and over again at Christmas.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

25 Aug 2014, 3:27 pm

I didn't read all the sentences. There are complex sentences in that list, which "normal" three year olds produce. He's getting there. He's producing complex sentences, beyond "telegraphic" speech.



CLMANSF
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

25 Aug 2014, 3:28 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
Your feelings are understandable. I'm glad you recognise that he's not being "naughty" and that you should try and empathise with him, but don't beat yourself up because you find looking after him challenging. It is challenging!


I believe he's expressing himself and his joy and frustration in the only way he knows how to. Thank you for understanding.



CLMANSF
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

25 Aug 2014, 3:31 pm

nerdygirl wrote:
CLMANSF wrote:
loner1984 wrote:
Let me get this straight, he is 3 years old, and he can disassemble the vacuum cleaner ?. Sounds like a freaking MacGyver genius, if this is the case. :P


He take the canister apart, takes the hose apart, then puts the whole thing back, again and again and again and again...

He turns the ipad on, finds his app, and then does his games (mostly educational, like seeing an object and dragging the letters to name the object. (Example, the app shows a house and he drags H-O-U-S-E to the proper slots.

He turns on my electronic drums and fiddles constantly with the plugs and knobs and dials.

He loves toilet plunges and toilet bowl cleaners and mops.

He sees a sign or letters and will say "T goes Tuh!"

And so on.


Your son sounds smart. Have you considered the possibility that he is bored?

Can he put together puzzles? If so, you might want to stock up on those.

And, no parent makes friends with other parents at the pool, especially when our kids are young. We are all too focused on making sure our kids don't slip under the water for too long.


I think he's bored and wants to be outside, go to pool...etc. We are constantly taking him out. Oh, he loves the iphone puzzle app for body parts. He does have some puzzles too. Our therapists tell us he's smart. But my wife thinks they may be "just saying that."



CLMANSF
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

25 Aug 2014, 3:33 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
I think it's pretty normal to be embarrassed, actually. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. You love your son, you're trying to give him the best upbringing you can, but it's embarrassing when he acts weird in public. I hear you, believe me.
What I can tell you is that things are going to get better and worse in time. Better, because you will acclimate to being the parent of a child with ASD and things that used to embarrass you will cease to do so. You will stop caring what a bunch of (mostly ignorant) other people think of your family. And worse, because a lot of behaviors that are cute or excusable at 3 are no longer cute OR excusable at 9. As your son gets older, his differences will become more obvious, not less.


Thank you so much for understanding.

I know...the older he gets the more this will stick out. It already is...



YippySkippy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,986

25 Aug 2014, 3:35 pm

He sounds hyperlexic, which is a form of "smart". :wink:



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

25 Aug 2014, 3:40 pm

There's no doubt in my mind that he has a high intellect.



Marybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,818

25 Aug 2014, 3:40 pm

CLMANSF wrote:
Marybird wrote:
CLMANSF wrote:
Marybird wrote:
You need to start being proud of your son with the different neurology. He deserves that.


I am proud of how handsome he is, I am proud of his smile, his laughter, his sense of humor. And his intelligence. I am not proud of the stimming and shrieking and scratching and the pinching.

The autism embarrasses you?


I don't know. Maybe not the autism, per se, but the shrieking and the stimming, etc. Maybe he can be autistic, but not turn the light switch on and off over and over again at Christmas.

He can be autistic as long as he acts normal?
Seriously, you need to accept his autism and be proud of your autistic boy.