How Asperger's are you- is it even a legit question

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I try to order the same things all the time as well. I just like what I like and it is comforting to me to just have what I like. I have always done that ever since I was a little kid. Every restaurant my parents took us to I had the dish I liked every time. Now there is one restaurant that my husband and I love that I am actually trying different things because it is such a good restaurant and we are able to know the chefs and watch them since the kitchen is set up so that customers can see the entire kitchen and talk to the chefs while they work and since we go there a lot the chefs are getting to know us and they let us sample things they make. And everything they make there is excellent. But normally in any other restaurant I usually order the exact same thing every time. If I eat out with my brother he tries to gently and lovingly get me to try other things and every now and then I do when I am with him. But even if I order my regular dish, usually a burger, he will have me taste whatever he gets. But to tell someone that they have to order something other than what they want is wrong unless it's too expensive and you or she just can't afford it or unless it's something she knows you are allergic to or something like that and it could cause you harm to eat it. But even then you are an adult and you are responsible for the consequences of your own actions and if you get yourself into a jam by ordering you can't afford that is your business and you have to deal with the consequences. But if you are paying for your own meal especially, you need to order whatever you like. You are not her child. She can't tell you what to order. She can do like my brother and lovingly tease you or encourage you to try other things but she can't force you to.

Last edited by skibum on 27 Aug 2014, 11:00 am, edited 2 times in total.

My friend is not a professional, but she runs support groups for people with social anxiety.

My comfort zone used to be me, never talking to people, avoiding attempts at friendship, seldom leaving the house, never going to parties. I'm glad my comfort zone has completely changed; I have something resembling a social life now.

I am really glad that your comfort zone is expanding. That is great. Even little things can help with that. I remember my husband and I went out to eat at one of our regular spots and he had me sit at the table facing the opposite way that I usually face. I was surprised at at hard it was for me to do that but I did it. It was very uneasy for me but it helped me see that I could do it. Even tiny efforts like that can be difficult and can make me a little anxious but it helped. I still usually sit my regular way though but at least I pushed myself that day. But I think that when you want to help people expand their comfort zones, especially with things that are not important like what meal you order or which seat you sit in, and it's good to do that with things that don't matter because that helps with the things that do matter later on, you need to do it gently and in a very lighthearted way like my husband and brother would do it with me. If you try to force someone harshly or by saying stupid things that don't make sense, you will only cause more anxiety.

And if she is running support groups for people with social anxiety, she really needs to educate herself on how these neurological and mental conditions work. There is no excuse for being that ignorant if you are running support groups. You owe it to the people you are trying to help to have some understanding of who they are and the conditions they have. If you are that ignorant, your clients can't take you seriously and I would personally have a very hard time trusting her.

I had once worked with a person who was running a program for disabled people, mentally disabled and people on the Spectrum as well as physically disabled and who advertised that his program was to help all disabled people. It was an official and accredited program but it was disturbingly shocking how little he and his staff knew about people on the Spectrum. I even think that some of the things in that environment were hurtful to people on the Spectrum as well. I know I was affected negatively and I had to leave the program.

It is unacceptable to "pigeon-hole" Autism Spectrum Disorders through numerical measurements. I had long learned to be wary of such thinking and comments.

How well the individual is able to function despite Aspergers is the only things that matters!

Before High-Functioning Autism was acknowledged, some of the professionals who were "ahead of the curve" in understanding learning disorders I've seen described my condition as 'depersonalized' 'viewing people like an abstraction' and even Autism like mannerisms. This was understandable in a clinical context, and amongst trusted people experienced with learning disabilities.

Red-flags immediately rose when descriptions such as 'strange', 'in their own world,' and worst of all "will never be able to function independently" showed-up. How about the pervasive labeling with Acronyms, and long-word clinical descriptions? Such professionals who were anything but "supposedly in the know!"

Thank-you

Last edited by Here on 27 Aug 2014, 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I also disagree with my friend, but i know she meant absolutely no harm

I think the biggest problem here is not her recognition that you're not as impaired as others on the spectrum, it's that she likely uses that as a justification to minimize your problems rather than correct her own mistaken understanding of what autism is and how it effects you.

I would also classify myself as "mildly impaired" when it comes to certain social situations. But the thing is, only I know what areas I'm totally fine with, what areas I have to expend a great deal of effort to cope with, and what areas present real challenges to me. When someone who doesn't know or understand what's happening in my head tries to pigeon hole me as "only a little autistic", they don't do so with the proper understanding of the nuances of my own condition, and thus minimize a lot of areas where I face real struggles.

Your example of her insisting on you ordering different foods is a good one. I can understand that some social pressure to step outside of my comfort zone has been helpful for my personal growth in the past. However, there's a fine line to walk there. If you welcome some pressure to try new things, by all means let her know that. But also make it clear that you have hurdles that she can't understand, and that there comes a point where she's going to need to back off. She needs to learn how to read your signals to discern when you're just a little uncomfortable and when you truly have a problem, because they're likely to be different from the signals that most NTs tend to expect.

If you're anything like me, that threshold is probably a lot lower than it is for NTs too. A lot of NTs will assume that if you're not putting up a major emphatic struggle about something, you've changed your mind and decided to go along with them. But for me it more often means that I've now come to view the discussion about this thing more stressful than actually doing said thing. So I'll acquiesce, but I don't do so gladly, and it damages my relationship with that person long term.

...hr...

I don't know what that means

Moderately Severe as per my diagnostic report.

I still sometimes get confused by the functioning vs severity descriptions. I guess the more severely affected person has more difficulty obtaining the exact same level of functioning then the less severely affected person. But functioning is highly affected by how different you are then the outside world you deal with. So I guess that would make "severity" partially if not totally an ablest concept. The DSM never mentioned function and now goes by severity, so it is an important concept to master.