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Try truly living on the edges of society; no one to relate to, no dates or people to be close to, ever, no one ever interested in you - you are just a machine for work and achievement.

I have seen more examples on this site of people who simply feel that they don’t fit in, than examples of people of whom actually don’t fit in.

I must say that the vast majority who simply feel as though they don’t ‘fit in’ are females who find themselves to be a bit 'different' for one reason or another.

Looking at what and how they write, I find them to be highly social creatures by comparison, who have husbands and wear make-up; discussing shoes and other stereotypical woman’s things… These behaviours are too indicative of an understanding and interest in social concern to be Asperger's traits; they are in fact, quite opposite.
In theory it should be more difficult for women with Asperger's than men to get married or make friends because of the restrictive social constructs of gender identity which apply more strongly to women. (People do very much tend to be harsher judges upon the conduct of women with Asperger's than they do men with Asperger's.)

It seems to me that most women on this site (certainly not all) do not actually have Asperger’s - their expression shows more of a wanting to be different rather than actually being different.
This is an observation of mine and I am aware that there are women who find themselves in fortunate circumstances that do have Asperger's.

I simply find this a little tiresome when these women react in conversation in a such NT ways, especially on this site. It seems that it serves to isolate individuals like myself even more.

Wow I've had the exact same fantasy/idea. Sometimes I feel like when I'm around people I'm one of those zoologists taking notes on chimpanzees or something. Ship of fools. Ever read Foucalt?

I really feel like this world was made against me, to prevent me from succeeding in life, to destroy me even.

We all adapt in our own way.

Some can be very involved in the day to day world, take on most of it's traits, and still feel different.

Life within assigned gender roles varies. Women can wear a wider range of clothing, change their hair, paint their faces, behave as cheap hookers, workers, mothers, or saints, and still fit the female identity. When they evolve beyond sex roles, they are seen as a problem, something wrong. A woman in the Sciences, she should be baking cookies! When they are not filling sterotypes, they get negative feedback, from family, other women, people with white suits and locked doors.

Men have more restriction about appearance, and less about expected social roles. Men have little fashion range, more restrictive grooming norms, but a much wider range of behavior is permitted. As the highest social gathering of men is joining in large groups wearing identical outfits, and killing each other, they all have doubts about their manly worth, and when they find themselves attracted to another man, claim he has a problem. Their ideal job seems to be killing people they do not know for the government.

In the non-manly they tend to lump flames with college professors, and anyone who is smarter, not interested in football, that they can use to identify themselves as more manly than, and hence prove their worthyness to join with other men in mutual slaughter. They doubt their ability to compete upward on maleness. So they over react when they perceive a less combative man. The problems come from eggheads with a Black Belt Degree. Looking down on others is all they have to look forward to in life.

Those who are not of the game clash with social norms with no effort. They can wear the latest fashion, their hair like the supermarket books say, watch the right soaps, football for women, claim they are always seeking ten new ways to improve their sex life and drive men wild, and still not fit in. Just one thought expressed outside the offical tabloids and they are sudden outcasts. "Betty, did you hear, she said she wants to be an Engineer!"

On the male side a total geek can fit in if he mentions that his Death Ray is in the final testing stages. "Well, Bob may seem a little strange, but he spends his time thinking of mass slaughter."

AS is documented, as a range, it only takes a 70 to pass, and it is multiable choice, open book. I have been trying, and have still not matched a pair in this game. Only the young who have been subjected to standard psycobabble, drugged, and play the same video games, have much in common, and they will outgrow it.

Those in their thirties lament that everone they know has been married, and divorced, at least twice, will be paying child support till they are fifty, and they feel so left out.

By fourty they get over childhood, discover that most of the world is a lot more out of it than they are, and take better care of themselves. The joy of the decade is watching those that everyone said were superior and had it all, die of heart attacks.

By fifty most achive a comfortable isolation, and a few bad habits continued over the years. They justify it to themselves because it is only a felony in twenty-eight states, and they could move.

They concoct alien theorys to explain their behavior. Your Honor, This charge only applies to members of your species, and as I am not one, kindly dismiss it.

I agree with some of Dr_Mobius, some not a chance. Logic can be a form of Aspergers, it can affect women, but it is like removing a ton of salt from the ocean. The logic core still operates in a female mode. Do you like my hair this way? Do these jeans make me look fat? I do not know what is wrong with these people, I have been here for five minutes, and no one has hit on me. Do you think my breasts are too large? Everytime I talk to anyone they think I am coming on to them, I was just being friendly. Do you like my perfume, it's called Hot Sweaty Passion? I just want someone to understand me, put a roof over my head, support any children I might have from somewhere, I want a home and family that I can go out on dates from. To marry one, and have children by three seems to be their biology.

The Biological Clock drowns out all other sound. I notice the young lady in her prime on the, find sexy singles, ad on this page, her eyes are oversized black holes, her hair color from a bottle, her face and lips painted on, she is in a park like setting, wearing a short blanket and her underwear. her haunches are extended and one leg is lifted. She is seeking a new car, several hundred dollars a day in cash, plastic surgery, and no questions about what she does when hubby is at work.

Barbie has everything, except a job. Youth is short, it is wrong to waste any of it. Women know two things, it is not cheating if you do not get caught, and anything with a diet drink reduces the calories by half. Women are incapable of lieing, only people who tell the truth can lie.

Sucess for a male comes from mastering ignoring everything. Everyone pays, and cash is the fastest way to get rid of them. There are eturnal conflicts, he works, she has boyfriends, but is always home after work. He would prefer her to to stay out till bed time. Only religious nuts want Poligamy. Most men would rather buy a one seventh interest, someone to clean the house, cook a real good meal, early to bed, and early to rise, and be going down the driveway till next week. It would be best if it were not the same one each week.

Rare is the man who is worth a woman's full attention, he has to have a huge amount of money and an iron clad prenup. Women have no problem with relationships, but fear voiding warentees. "I know I signed the agreement before two witnesses, but you could not really think I would stick to it?"

My point: Never fitting in I adapted, to males I mention my love of slaughter, the smell of blood in the air, and how daggers are superior to all other weapons, silent, no moving parts, no reloading, balistics, and the thrill of licking the blood off of a double edged razor. We get along just fine.

To women I say, "What is theis going to cost me?" They say I make them feel so cheap. My reply is, "A hundred dollars is not cheap." I know where I can find two for that price.

Some say I am socially defensive, but most of those have vanished without a trace.

Being alone on Earth, outside of "normal" relations, I looked within, History is the same story told over and over, Geology was more fun. Physics has a framework and truth not found elsewhere. After I had used up those diversions, there was nothing left but to devolve. We were not always like this, going back, all the Mammalia lines converge, we are but one expression of a large family, and it is all still in there.

Mammals come from birds who came from lizards, who came from amphibians, who were fish. We are 1/2% off of Great Apes, and maybe 10% off fish. Life is four billion years old, around here. It is only the original DNA mutated. The last cultural change was 65 million years ago, and I find it overrated. Everything since then represents 0.015% of our DNA development. I relate to the 99.985%.

This aspie thing is new, but confined on all sides, there are only up evolve, or down evolve, left. Aspie hand flapping is a strong bird trait. Denied a horizontal range, vertical is all that is left. Some reach beyond the top of the world, and I like to lay with my belly in the cool mud along a river bank, with the warm sun on my back, as I play log, and wait for something to come near. It gives me time to consider how Physics would change outside of the gravity well, floating between the stars.

It takes all kinds to make a world, because we do have to eat.

I've had thoughts like that, but 'cause my Dad is a lot like me I figured I must have just been born as an odd one out and not an alien. Doesn't mean they're not watching me.

I kinda like Babylon 5's "mundanes.

I have always believed that I should ascend.... or my kids should ... I am looking for a partner which is computing at my level so that my kids would ascend at the very least.

By analolgy, I am like a 1-way mirror; I can see outside but no one can see inside. I am observant beyond normal parameters which is entirely foreign to NTs. I see/hear/sense/feel my ambient surroundings at all times; I see the unseen. Always, I am aware of accoustical effects, shadows of light/dark, color intensity/shade, depth, perspective, ambience, etc. I am aware of echoes of sound vibrations always too. At my laboratory, I tune sonicators. When I sonicate (sound/sine waves to agitate w/ probes) I always see yellow. Recently, sonicator2 looked yellow-orange (by sound) to me but the tuning was correct @ < 20%. The outgoing amps though were too high and the sonicator in fact needed calibration and subsequent adjustment in addition to just tuning.

I have a hard time. I am nearly mute and carry pen and paper in case I need something. I am very shy. My realm is math/science, art/color, sleep/dreams, patterns/images, rthym, and pure thought. This is like unfolding a paper cut-out snowflake.

Mostly the NT world is unintelligile since they are seemingly guided by mystifying socio-cultural rules that are intrinsically novel and follow no discernable pattern I can memorize. I converse and interact, when necessary, my choreographed cues and mimicry. I am afraid of strangers. I am, as I always have been, mostly impassive to others. Everyday I use a digital metronome (or a timer) with a visual pendulum to pace myself. I orient myself with my senses. I am immaculately neat since I rely on order: Eidetic memory can be chaos. I try hard to translate but sometimes outsiders are mean to me - I do feel. I am autistic. I have green eyes.

Please, I do not like to reveal, but my paternal grandfather (a medical doctor and prolific writer) left behind some of his books/journals. I was taken with his insights. Incidentally, his son, my paternal uncle, was so profoundly autistic he was institutionalized his entire life and never spoke. I barely knew my grandfather but he was kind and was just trying to puzzle through autism in his own way. I will share with his what he wrote specifically about those of us afflicted with autism in my family (direct quote):

"Wicked yet enchanted creatures......The very judge that burns them is all the while charmed with their soporific ways. When you see them pass, well adorned, there is a dangerous fascination in their eyes, perilious for love no less for withery. Our women, pretty, bold-eyed and imaginative creatures, would pass the whole day transfixed in the yard."

And, I have no Sylvian Fissure in my brain (extraneous tissue anyway). Do you understand? I am the Lab Pet.

Separate thought: Evolutionarily, why do our kind exist (I do not mean to be too esoteric)? Why am I locked in a far away place? I cannot wake up. Respond.

Inventor, I liked not only what you wrote but how you wrote. I will think......thank you.

The closest I can come to describing my sense of alienation are the dreams I have, all variations on the same theme.

The iconic dream: I am in an institution where I am being studied. I am speaking again after many times to another clinician, and people are watching through a two-way mirror, taking notes.

I am explaining in as clear a fashion as possible what I am feeling, and why I am troubled. The woman who is questioning me is in a lab coat, and she is looking at me with what seems to be incomprehension. If I knew what that looked like.

I'm speaking English. She's speaking English. Yet she doesn't understand me. She asks me the question again.

I am now frustrated. I speak slower. I use simpler words, shorter sentences. I make sure I am as clear as water.

She shakes her head, and now she is suspicious. She looks towards the mirror.

I am watching over their shoulders, listening to their comments. They have no idea what I am saying either, and one makes the comment maybe I am faking it. I'm a malinger. I am trying to get attention with this nonsense. Their notes express the same thing, and I realize this is going into my file.

I am back in the room with the woman interrogator, and she is putting her pen in her pocket. She's disgusted.

I lose it, and start screaming. I don't know how to make it any clearer.

I wake up at this point.

Rjaye.

Starting with the subject of this thread... I have always felt that I was doing some "Field Research" on this planet. I would see, compile, analyze and take notes, without interfering with the subject of my observations. I would normally dream that I was from a planet where the knowledge was extremely important and that I would have to spend some time in here, taking notes until the moment when I had to go back.
Let's call it a "Long Term ET movie"

Now, to Dr_Mobius comments:

Well, in regards to the first comment (more examples on this site... ); I do agree with you; and elaborating a little, I have read many more posts talking about how hard is to communicate with the rest of the world that doesn't understand us and licking the wounds they got when trying to reach out to them, than posts dealing with the development of our skills and acceptance of their/our-very-own differences. We are not the same, "they" are different, "we" are different, We are in a planet where them are majority. Let's face it! and let's move on. Let's not spend hours thinking on how misserables our lives are because the NT's or the NT's "nt-thingies". Maybe, it is easier for me to say this because, while I want to have friends, I have a good resistance to frustration... because I worked a lot for many years on it. Or simply my position in the spectrum helps me. Or maybe, my grandfather's lessons really are in me <Don't blame others for what you do to yourself; it's easier, but will get you nowhere>

About the second paragraph I am quoting (women that feel they don't fit in)... Not at all! While some cases can be found that could support your opinion, I don't think they are representative.

And in regards to the third (your isolation because women react is such "NT-way"...); I am afraid that I will refer you to my first response. From my experience, I need to isolate myself and be alone quite often. Doesn't have anything to do with girls, since I don't have that tendency; but believe me, homosexual men TEND to be more into what you call "NT ways" than women (at least, in my experience and with the numbers I know of both). Is it really that the NT-ways put you off or only that you like to isolate yourself?

Feibel, when I was finally diagnosed, I finally got to the position you described. I am different, and I respond differently, and I give off different signals, and if people don't get it, well, that's part of the hand I'm dealt.

Everyone has crap thrust upon them. Everyone is a part of some small group that has to learn to adapt to existence. Our situation involves being on the spectrum. Just being human involves suffering of some kind, and there are people who have it way worse than we do.

I sometimes wonder what my life would've been like had I been diagnosed in my childhood, or would that have set me up with an identity completely different and less scrappy than I am? The bonus of having been diagnosed in my forties is that it's an "aha" moment, and not an "oh, sh**" moment. I am relieved to find out and I don't feel sorry for myself. I can truly give myself a break and concentrate on what I can do.

Metta, Rjaye

NT ways really do put me off. The giggling, frivolous conversation, lack of insight and general intelligence...(oh hello wall...)

I can say from experience that females with Asperger's have a much harder time that males.

[I try to avoid terms such as ‘depersonalization disorder’- for one thing, I disagree that it is a disorder, for another, I believe that explaining oneself is more conducive to being understood.]

Giggling? Frivolous conversation?

These are all part of fun. I have many times enjoyed misunderstandings
to the point of being unable to stop laughing. Playing with words is nothing
but frivolous conversation. Don't disparage the fun that they have, just because
you can't understand it.

Females have a harder time? Logic, my experience, posts here, and your other post seem to dispute that.

Steve