Ashamed of being Autistic

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I've always been ashamed of being on the spectrum, which is why I hate telling people that I have it. I've always wanted to be like the other children, and although I was a typical child in some ways, there was still that struggle to make friends as good as the average kid, and my emotions were all over the place for a child. Usually children are pretty happy when living in a secure home with descent parents and getting along OK at school, but I acted like a grizzly spoilt brat, not when I was a toddler but when I got older. When I was a toddler there was nothing different about me at all. It all came on to the surface when I started school.

I remember shortly after I was diagnosed (when I was about 8-9) I sometimes had to have a day off school to go to one of those clinic places to have meetings (my parents as well) to talk about my ''insanity'' (as I called it), and I really wanted to just be at school with the other kids. I didn't want to be taken out of school to go to a clinic because I felt like I was mad, and I kept calling myself brain-damaged and problem-child and put myself down in various other ways.

The trouble is, I'm too self-aware to be an Aspie, so the two just clash. I feel like I'm half NT and half Autistic. It's horrible really.

I can understand where you are currently at, however be aware that there is no shame where there is no choice, think about this until you can come to terms with it, it's a new beginning point.

The media is powerful, especially when they have a lot of influence of what people think.

I hide my autism too, but I reveal it selectively. A few of my friends are autistic and some of other friends are allegedly NT, but they have personality problems, Tourettes, or suicidal tendencies, most of which, I have.

Break the stereotype, even if it means sacrificing the life you already have. Don't be discouraged.

For me, I'm fighting the good fight as well. Don't give up. I don't pass as NT either, but I things to compensate like always being dressed well, having my nails and hair done etc. But here's the deal.

A lot of minority groups do things to fight stereotypes. For example black people are often racially profiled. What a lot of black guys who live in cities do is whistle classical music such as Vivaldi when cops come by. This prevents cops from profiling them. The cop might see a black guy, but he gets soothed by the classical music and thinks "this black guy is not a thug". Same reason I'm really into makeup / dressing nice, and being ultra responsible especially financially and the designated driver.

Also many Hispanic and Asian immigrants, particularly if they're from a stigmatized group such as a Muslim faith background, work hard at speaking English as perfect as they can and putting up US flags and being super patriotic.

The thing is that when you are part of a minority group such as being gay, disabled, or a different color you have to try twice as hard. But, don't give up the good fight. Remember that you're in a place where we're all in this together. One tip on making friends is to cultivate the same interests as them (Sports, celebrities etc) and also chat with them about autism, be open and stuff like that. Get a fact sheet that's an intro to autism and confide in some closer friends. They may be more receptive than you think.

Also if you want to be an artist, get a good portfolio together. If you don't really have much studio space, grab online programs like Adobe Painter and create some stuff on your computer. Scan your stuff. Upload it. As long as you have a great portfolio, you can just submit it to people online looking for illustrators and graphic artists. You have to prove that you know your stuff.