Post-assessment thoughts (finally got the result today).

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I've been bumped to Oct 7th! Excited . I am curious, you mentioned that they spread out the assessment over several days. Did you have to request this? I was left a voicemail specifying a single date, and it's a comprehensive assessment. Doing it in all one day sounds exhausting (and I don't think I'd have the stamina to test that much!). Do you think it's realistically doable in a single day? I'm gonna call tomorrow to see if I'm missing something, but that's got me a bit nervous already.

In effect, yes. How did she broach the topic, what was your reaction at the time, did you discuss any potential treatment options, etc.

It depends on how many assessments you're doing. I took mine in two-hour chunks, and was exhausted at the end every time. I hadn't anticipated how tiring just taking an IQ test would be, but afterward I felt like I'd run a marathon. Same thing with the WIAT the following week, and the ADOS the week after that. If it's not too inconvenient for you, I'd recommend spreading the tests out, to be sure that fatigue doesn't play a factor in your scores. Good luck Spectacles!

Congrats Rebbieh.
The disbelief can stay for a long time, but it wears out. I was dx´ed a year ago and I also thought, I was kidding myself, but at some point the identification becomes clear, and the questions become more factual.
Meetings in a club with discussions can be a gift.

Well, I knew that she was going to tell me the result of the assessment when I got there so I was expecting it. We sat down and she took out a bunch of documents that she's accumulated during these past six months that I've been assessed. She showed me the criteria for Asperger's Syndrome and she basically told me that she had met with her colleagues and that they had come to the conclusion that I meet the criteria. She proceeded to go through the criteria with me and explain why she thinks I meet them. When we were done with that she looked at me and asked me what I was thinking. I told her that I was trying to figure out how to feel but that I didn't have an answer to that. She said she understands that and that it's normal. She said that it'll probably take some time to process since it's a lot of information.

I don't know what I felt when I sat there since I didn't know what to feel. It's still like that.

We're not done discussing the result of the assessment (we're yet to go through all the test results etc) but she told me that we'll have a meeting when we're done with that to make some sort of "treatment plan". She mentioned that there are discussion groups that I could join (where people with AS plus one or two psychologists discuss life and stuff), that they have courses I could take, that I could get help with planning stuff etc. We're going to have a meeting with the psychologist I've been seeing for my depression/anxiety to discuss the best way forward. All I know for sure that I want is a therapist. Someone I can talk to about Asperger's and depression/anxiety. We'll see what happens.

Last edited by rebbieh on 12 Sep 2014, 10:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

October 7th. That's fairly soon. Are you nervous?

My assessment was spread out over a period of six months. Sometimes we met once or twice a week, sometimes three weeks apart and we didn't meet up during her summer vacation. That's how they do things here (not necessarily six months but a few months at least). At least most of the time. We could've been done sooner but we had to find times that worked with both her schedule and mine. I think I would've preferred meeting up once a week throughout the whole thing.

I liked having it spread out because some of the tests are exhausting. More exhausting than I thought. The only drawback with having such a long assessment is that you have to deal with the emotionally draining process longer than if you'd do it in a shorter period of time. I don't know if others here think they're assessments have been emotionally draining, but it sure was for me.



Thank you. It still feels really surreal. I wish I had someone in real life to talk to about this. I prefer being by myself a lot of the time and I find it difficult to express thoughts and feelings but when it comes to big important things like this, I'd like to be able to talk to someone about it.

Have you participated in group discussions? How was it?

Thank you for writing the criteria and what you fit and id not fit. This is really helpful for me to see. I am glad you are feeling better than you earlier about this whole thing. As far as school, if it were me I might let the profs know so that they can make arrangements for you as far as assignments and tests if you need them. As far as the students, that would be an individual case by case depending on if you want to be friends with them or not. But telling your family and boyfriend was good. How did they take the news?

Now I feel worse again but I don't know if that's because of all of this or because I'm generally depressed (which I am). I feel stuck in my head right now. Sorry for the pessimism.

I don't really want to tell the students because I don't really care about getting to know them. At least that's how I feel most of the time. There are a couple of people in my class I consider telling eventually but not now. I might end up not telling them at all. I don't know. You know, skibum, for some reason I'm worried the psychologist is going to take it all back. The diagnosis. That she's going to realize she was wrong or that I'm not doing as bad as she thinks or something. I know that's just anxiety but yeah, I worry.

Anyway, my boyfriend and family knew I was getting assessed so they haven't really said anything. I guess that means they took it relatively well?

EDIT: I was really close to telling my professor about AS today because there's this thing I have to do at university that makes me really anxious but I a) don't really think he wants to hear about it and b) don't want to blame AS for everything. How do you not blame AS for your problems? I've read about people here saying you shouldn't. How do you know you're blaming it? Do you understand what I'm trying to ask?

First, with one exception (which I will write about below), I don?t ever want to use AS as an excuse. Everyone has issues that they need to deal with. We all have our relative strengths and weaknesses. It is important for each of us (including neurotypicals) to find things that accentuate those strengths and minimize exposure to those areas of weakness.

Second, I am not certain if I can blame AS for my problems. Unless, I then also attribute AS to my successes. This starts to get silly.
- Oh, I cannot find a job, because I am terrible at interviewing and connecting with people, chalk that up to AS
- Oh, I was just complimented on writing a very precise/accurate software specification, thank goodness for AS

At some point, it?s just me. It?s who I am. I just have to accept me, good and bad.

The only time (at least so far) that I have used AS as an excuse was just recently. I was telling my wife about some ASD-related eye tracking experiments I had recently participated in. At one point, while I was talking, my wife interrupted me, got up and said, ?I guess our conversation is done, because you are talking to the bottle of ranch?. It was true. While I was talking, I was looking down at a bottle of ranch dressing (that was sitting on the kitchen table). This is what I do, when I am talking about something that requires deep thought. I was a bit hurt (because I was describing all the ?neat? parts of the experiment and wanted to share this with her and it seemed like she didn?t care). I then got a bit mad and blamed it (poor eye contact) on AS.

Rocket123, I don't want to blame AS. I really don't. I'm a bit confused though because I don't really know if it's okay to think "well, I have this problem because of AS". I mean, AS is causing certain big problems for me (but it probably also contributes to the things I'm good at) and sometimes I just wish I could explain to people why I find certain things so difficult. Would that be blaming Asperger's? I'm depressed and there are days when I just don't want to get out of bed. I could then think "well, I have this problem because of depression" and that would be ok because it's the truth. Is it different when it comes to Asperger's?

This is really difficult to explain and I can't really express my thoughts the way I want right now. I hope you understand what I mean though and I hope you understand I'd never use AS as an excuse to get out of things.

Thought #1: After I was diagnosed (a little over a year ago), I told several people about my diagnosis (including my wife, parents, siblings, an uncle, a cousin, a lifelong friend and 2 former work colleagues). The response was a big, ?who cares?. Before I was diagnosed, they just thought about me as ?Rocket, with quirks?. After I was diagnosed, they just thought about me as ?Rocket, with quirks?. The diagnosis did not change their perception of me, at all.

What the diagnosis did do, was help me understand myself a little bit better. And, give me some insight into why I found certain things difficult and, conversely, why I excelled at certain things. I still fairly regularly ?discover? (or realize) new things (both positive and negative) about myself, that I now realize were ?caused? by AS. I think, ?hmmm? and then write about it in my journal.

Thought #2: Generally, in my experience (which is limited, because I don?t interact with others a lot), people don?t want to hear about other people?s problems. More so, they don?t want to hear people blame their problems on things outside of their control.

As such, for me, I would prefer to say ?I find doing X difficult? rather than ?I find doing X difficult, because I have Aspergers?. Both are true. But is there really a reason to explain why? And, does anyone (but you) care? As I wrote, everyone has issues that they need to deal with.


Thought #3: I totally get it. I was really confused after being diagnosed. The Psychologist who diagnosed me suggested therapy not only to address sadness and worry, but also to understand, ?What does Aspergers mean to me and how do I move forward in the world?.

I wish you good luck. Have confidence that the world will begin to make sense and that you fill find your place in it.

P.S. I apologize about this ramble. Your questions inspired me to write something, which is not overly organized. It?s just my stream of thoughts.

I don't believe in using AS or anything else as an excuse either but I do think it is important to know what AS traits affect us and be able to give reasons for things. For example, I can't eat in Red Robin. They are some of my favorite burgers but I have to have the girl bring me my burger in the parking lot. I have to take a menu, take it outside, read it, go back in, place my order as quickly as possible or call from the parking lot and have them bring the burger out to me where I can eat it.

When I was at Dick's Sporting Goods the other day getting a launch permit, I had to sit outside and have them bring the paperwork out to me. In both of those situations I could not be inside of the places because of sensory overload, Red Robin with the noise and all the stuff they have to decorate the place and all the TVs that were on, and Dick's because of the music they were playing.

If Red Robin had been quiet, I could have been able to deal with the visual stimuli because at least I could just focus on looking at my food but with the sounds it was way too much. So I said, " I have Asperger's and I cannot be in your place because the sensory overload will cause me to have a meltdown. I need you to accommodate me and bring things out to me to the parking lot." Once I said that they were able to accommodate me. This is not using AS as an excuse but as a reason so that I could have help with some things that I needed. There is a big difference between excuses and actual things you need help with. I think it is fine to use AS if you need help. If a person in a wheelchair needed help, he would not deny being in a wheelchair because it looked like an excuse to get help. But by the same token he should not abuse of that either. So as long as you use it to explain help you might need like if you need help with exams or assignments, I don't see anything wrong with that. If I had been able to say that when I was at university I might have been able to graduate rather than drop out.

I was diagnosed in June and I still feel self-doubt and...weirdness (?) about the whole thing. I get exactly what you mean when you say it's "paradoxical." I feel the same way.

Also, everyone I've met seems to have taken long, extensive tests, but mine took about two hours and two separate interviews. It took a loooong time for me to finally get diagnosed, but the diagnosis process took about a month

Spectacles: Hey, that's my birthday! xD

Yeah, and that's why I almost told the professor yesterday (but I didn't). I don't know who I should tell about this whole thing. I'm yet to figure these things out.



Has it gotten better at all? The self-doubt (etc.) that is.

Well congratulations. You got this results of course because this is who you are. That is obvious. What is not obvious is this confirmation is a result of a hard work you did by taking a difficult look inside yourself and navigating then convincing a system that is very much in denial about adult women being on the spectrum. While the support you received here and elsewhere I am sure was very helpful, it was you and you only that had to take the lengthy and difficult journey involved to get this result you deserved.

We do have our emotions getting overwhelmed sometimes and this is a big big thing so the confusion is natural. Your autistic brain will process this based on your needs. My advice is don't fight whatever emotions come by just let them do what they to need to do. Just make the best of this special time in your life. Having to deal with this knowledge in real life will come soon enough.

Yes, I did - and I do. This is a long process.

First period: In disbelief: "Wauw! Do I belong to A GROUP? (I thought I was a unique idiot). How do I recognize, what I experience?

Period 2: Emphasizing it to realize: If I´m a freak, I shall bloody well BE a freak.

These two phases took a year. Now I am in period 3: Analytical-factual:
OK, I am, what I allways was. How did I feel earlier? Why? What brought me, where I am? How do I differ from the majority, and how do I explain to them? What can I change/better, and what not?

The group is a very good help, because you get past the stereotypes and meet more or less ordinary people with different personalities like everywhere else. The others are in the same process and have similar problems to solve and the same need to meet others like them.
If the leader is good, he/she manages to de-dramatize the handicap, AS is considered to be (only because working speed and social skills are in still higher demand) and provide a good, stuctured discussion. Our charismatic leader is a professional lecturer in autism circles and an aspie himself, so he knows how to be concrete.

Observe! I guess, that most groups consists predominantly of men. Try to find females as well. We´re different in many ways.