High functioning autism and empathy

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I still don't understand what empathy really means, and I never will know for as long as I live. If someone says that empathy means understanding, then that's inaccurate for a start, because a lot of NTs do not understand people on the spectrum and that is why a lot of us be emotionally mistreated. I try to understand everybody of every neurotype, and can imagine myself in their shoes, and try to be supportive, not ridiculing. Ohh, doesn't anyone get it? Why do you Aspies put yourselves down so much by saying you don't have empathy? I see a lot of support, empathy and sympathy going on on this site, sometimes more than on sites like Yahoo Answers. When somebody is crying out for help on Yahoo Answers, most replies seem to just be stupid unhelpful jokes and bigoting, or telling the OP that he/she is stupid or weird for feeling that way, which makes the OP feel humiliated.

It is suspected that some people on the spectrum are overly empathic and try shut the world in order to cope.

While I have indeed met empaths on all parts of the spectrum.. I have also met sociopaths on the spectrum. The problem with this is they do actually qualify as being ASD.. but, unlike those who are just overwhelmed by the feelings of others, sociopaths have little connection to the feelings of others, no emotional investment yet are able to read them well and can take advantage of that powert if so inclined. I have noticed this has been a huge problem within the ASD community and the consequence is wolves in sheeps clothing and "what big eyes you have Grandma".

Sociopaths are attracted to empaths.

I don't subscribe to hyperempathy as an autistic trait.

I was about to reply with about how sure I was of my own empathetic abilities (meaning: the ability to correctly identify how someone is feeling most of the time), and how that this is one of the reasons I'm putting off asking my doctor about ASD because it casts doubt on the whole thing. Then I did the empathy test someone linked to and I got a much, much lower score than I assumed I would (half the empathy of a neuro-typical, but higher than average for someone on the spectrum).

I think neuro-typicals are overconfident in their empathetic abilities. Have you seen them on debate shows? As I said above, I don't even know if I am on the spectrum but I do have several other physical disabilities. It is very hard hold onto friendships with able-bodied people because they just don't get it, and what makes it even harder is that they insist that they do get it. Every disabled person I know has dozens of stories of situations where they have been trying to explain what their life is like to an able-bodied or healthy friend, and that friend will not only be incapable of empathy but they will be totally unaware of their incapabilities and insist that it is the disabled person who has got it wrong about what it is like to be disabled. Either that or the healthy person will begin to tune out.

Furthermore, I have several friends with autistic spectrum diagnoses and they tend to have a much greater understanding and empathy than the NTs do. Neuro-typicals take for granted their empathetic abilities and forget that, actually, empathy develops with what you learn and with the effort you are willing to put in. They are good at empathising in general day-to-day situations, but take them out of their comfort zones and they struggle (but often don't realise it and blame the other person for being wrong or difficult or whatever).

I watched a YouTube video the other day of an aspie talking about how she feels she can empathise very well with other people on the spectrum but not with neuro-typicals. She said that neuro-typicals also seem to have trouble empathising with neuro-diverse people but not with each other. She wondered if, as NTs are the majority, aspies are wrongly told that they wrongly struggle with empathy when what they actually struggle with are neuro-typicals.

I don't know if that is true but it's interesting.

For me life is back and white. I tend not to show a lot of emotions if a person's dog passed I may not physically show that I am upset but I feel it inside or if a family member had some good news about whatever is going on in their lives I don't normally smile even tho I am happy to hear the news on the inside.

It's not that I don't care about what happens it's just black and white good or bad I dunno why I don't show physical emotion or why I have to force my self to crack a smile at a co-worker or have an upset look on my face if somebody shares some bad news with me or see a bum on the street and go eh? is it apart of the Autism? I dunno

My friends freak out about me showing affection to others.

One time, I gave my sister a hug and one of my friends gave me a blank stare and said "That's the first time I've seen you doing something affectionate." But I replied in protest "She's my sister; why can't I?"

The only time I can really remember feeling strong emotions was when my dog died. I truly loved that dog and cried uncontrollably and Ive never really got over it. it was the only dog Ive had and have never felt able to replace it. But Ive never really felt much with people even when family members or friends die or get ill or whatever. I saw my sister for the first time in about 15 years about a year ago and she came running up to me hugging me but I didn't know what to do or feel, I find I have to pretend to show affection even though I do feel it but I just can't express it very well.