Why is eye contact hard for us?

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Yeah. Same here, I tend to look at a person's mouth, if I even look at their face that is. About 90% of the time I'm talking to anyone I'm staring into the distance. I have to consciously think about it to look at someone. I always have people asking me if I'm listening to them while they're talking because I'm not looking at them.

As for looking in people's eyes, it's basically an overwhelmed feeling when I try. I think it's because of what Dillogic said about it being too difficult to process all of the nonverbal cues, hence I freeze up and my thoughts get jumbled if I try to.

I feel like my brain is being burned through and I have to look away in order to focus.

I feel a sense of pressure outward if I have to do it a long time or if I have to do it any time when tired or stressed. While looking at eyes is hardest I get that from looking any part of a person long enough. Certain people will bring this on more then others.

I would not say that eye contact is really hard for me. I remember that when I was little I was told to look at people when they talked to me. But I do find that I often alternate between looking at people's eyes and looking at their mouths. Sometimes I can hold eye contact for longer than other times. But I also find that sometimes I can hear and listen better if I don't have to make eye contact. I also find that if I am talking about something that is very emotional or difficult to talk about, it's a lot easier if I don't have to maintain eye contact. So I guess it's a little bit hard for me but I know that it's harder for other people than it is for me and some people have even said it's painful for them.

Sometimes when someone's eyes are *not* focused on me, I can't stop looking at *them*. I am fascinated by eyes colors and other small details to these "windows to the soul", and it shows in my cartoons.

I never lock pupils with another person. waaaayyyy too painful. Instead, I look at there nose or mouth. I don't know why eye contact is such a pleasurable act and demanded by NT's, and yet so painful for an aspie to do.

2D image.

When I lock eyes with someone I can't explain how it feels. Most of the time when I look toward someone I'm looking everywhere but directly into the eyes. There nose, forehead, hair, ears, lips, teeth, tongue.
If they move there hands when talking all I can do is look at there hands. I also have a tendency to look at there chest area when I'm visualizing what there saying.
This can be awkward when it is another woman. I look away allot to think and visually understand what is being said. When eye contact is made I really don't like it. It is like an invasion has just occurred.
When I was a child my mother would force me to look into her eyes. It was like I was being made to put daggers in my eyes.
My best conversations are when neither I or the other person are looking at each other.

Same here. In fact, the first painting I ever sold (which happened recently) was of an abstract eye crying blood. Crying eyes like that are in a lot of my art. I also have central heterochromia (two colors in the same iris) and everyone always tells me my eyes are beautiful. It's odd since I can't stand looking in them, but I find them so interesting.

http://imgur.com/pbuW8p8

I suspect it may be something to do with either a processing overload or a particular area of the brain which in auties is different in either function or structure (or both).

My own strongest sense is hearing: it is acute, hypersensitive, can detect very high pitch sounds that most people don't hear,and so a lot of incoming information for me is processed aurally, whether consciously or not, and probably more than most NTs. My weakest sense is the visual: life long problems of myopia, astigmatism, blurring, later a detached retina, and now macular degeneration. So I am not good at processing visual information well, and especially so under conditions of stress (eg meeting a stranger, a job interview, seeing a doctor).

Processing the two together simultaneously in anything but mundane ways may (possibly) throw my neural balance out of phase; and this may be not just true for me but maybe others on the spectrum too.

Anyway, that's my speculative best guess.

Yeah, would much rather look around or at a persons mouth when they are talking. Looking at a person straight in the eyes tends to make me laugh which is probably just the anxiety, but then they think you are totally crazy or ask 'what's so funny', which then compounds the stress.

There are a bunch of videos exploring this topic. I found this video particularly interesting.

I do this as well.


I do this as well. It's equally awkward (for me) when it is another woman.


My best conversations occur when I am walking along side someone. This way, I can look straight forward and focus entirely on the words being said (by the other person) and the words I plan to say next.

I am curious about this since I don't feel physical pain from eye contact. What is the pain that you actually feel? Is it in your eyes that you feel it or is it like a headache?

I don't well if people move their hands too much. That exhausts me.

It hard to discribe but it's a lot like a headache. The whole inside of my head feels like it going to explode.