Meltdown or tantrum?

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The last meltdown you had was when Ponyo came out? That movie came out when you were 19. If you haven't had a meltdown for 6 years and 3 months it sounds like you've it under control now.

You say it's not normal for a 26 year old but you've only been 26 for a few days. You haven't had a meltdown as a 26 year old so you shouldn't worry about whether or not it's normal for your age.

It wasn't the last meltdown I had. I had one not long ago at the hotel we were staying it. I didn't mean to say that it was the last meltdown I had during the time Ponyo came out. D: I just mean that they don't happen frequently. Some days, I get the anxiety triggers when my 'needs' or 'wants' aren't met, but I can go about my day or night without them getting any worse. It's just something I've noticed though, and I want to get some answers on.

Also, I'm 26 now. I don't see the difference in whether or not I've just turned 26 and haven't had meltdowns yet or not. It doesn't mean anything. That's the age I am now, and it's just easier referring to myself as being 26,

I think it depends.

Would your screaming and crying stop if you were given what you wanted? Or would you continue to scream and cry and freak out despite getting what you wanted -- possibly throwing the object across the room or at whoever gave it to you (if you wanted an object) or refusing to do whatever it is you had wanted to do?

If it were a tantrum, then getting what you wanted should stop it. If it were a meltdown, getting what you wanted doesn't matter.

It could also just be what I would call an "outburst" -- which is basically just a normal thing everybody has (some people a lot more often than others, depending on how well they self-regulate), where you lose your temper and yell or throw things or otherwise have angry/upset/acting-out behaviors, but can regain control fairly quickly (as in, you don't have to collapse from exhaustion for the angry/upset behavior to stop -- you are able to calm down). Outbursts aren't manipulative, they are just the inability to regulate behaviors and emotions -- regaining control to end the outburst doesn't depend on getting what you want nor is like "giving up" when it becomes clear you aren't going to get what you want (which is what happens with tantrums where you aren't given what you want)....if it's an outburst, then you've already accepted right away that you aren't getting what you want.

A person can sometimes cry in anger or cry with or from anger, also. My meltdowns tend to be mostly without an audience and are filled with released stress and anger, but I also begin to cry with anger because the meltdown is distressing and I'm upset. Crying isn't always just a tantrum-category thing.

I don't understand. What makes you say this?

I have crying meltdowns.

Just curious, how long must a meltdown last, to be considered a meltdown? Is there such thing as a mini-meltdown which lasts less than a minute or two? Or would that simply be considered an outburst?

Because angry behaviors turn people against you, and crying gains their sympathy.
Meltdowns are out of control emotional responses with no purpose regarding others, but tantrums are a form of manipulation of others.
Even if someone doesn't think they are manipulating others, they may doing so implicitly.
Much of our behavior is based on implicit processes, and we might eggsplain them differently after the fact.

Whenever I have a headbang meltdown, it's usually a minute or two. A crying meltdown can last a couple of hours. I don't know if my headbangs are outbursts because they are a response to an overload. They are not meant to be directed at anyone in particular, they are literally a clearing and resetting mechanism just like the crying meltdowns.

Thanks skibum. So, how does one distinguish an outburst from a meltdown?

I remember several years back, I was at the kitchen table with my wife and kids. I forgot exactly what happened, but I wanted everyone to sit down. No one way paying attention to me. If I recall correctly, first I yelled. Then, I took a bottle of mustard and threw it at the sink (it went all over the sink and counter). Then, I stormed out of the room. My wife followed me and probably said something like, ?What the hell?s wrong with you?. Anyhow, after several minutes, I calmed down and returned to the table.

As my wife always taught my kids, I should have used my words. But I couldn?t control my emotions.

Anyway, is that a meltdown? Or, just a normal outburst?

You're welcome.
I just looked up the word outburst. All the definitions say that an outburst is a sudden violent expression of emotion. All the definitions of meltdowns talk about nuclear reactors. I think it has to do with intent really. A lot of the definitions of outburst mention anger as the most common cause. When I have a meltdown, it's never about anger, it's always about inability to process and overload. It can be coupled with frustration but anger is not the main cause. And my meltdowns are rarely violent. Even thought the headbang is an violent act, it's not with the intent of being violent. I bang to clear the emotional overload. The physical pain of the bang is just an unfortunate effect. In your case, you threw the mustard to get their attention. Your act was out of the frustration and anger that you needed them to do something. When I have a headbang meltdown, it's not that I need the other person to do something for me, it's that I can't process what the person is saying properly so it causes my head to implode and I have to clear it. I always do it in private as well so the other person can't see it. With what happened with you, I think it was important for them to actually witness you throwing the mustard because your act was because you needed a specific response from them that you were not getting.

This is different from my experience. At least as an adult, I have found crying seems to lead a lot of people to attack. And that anger seems to gain people power. I agree we can manipulate others with or without intending to do so, but I feel much more manipulated by other people's anger than their tears. Maybe as a result, I usually think of angry behavior as intentional and planned. So it's interesting to read you have the opposite experience and see crying as more manipulative. I wonder why the difference?

It's not a matter of personal eggsperience, so whether one person feels manipulated more by anger or crying isn't important.
What is importnat is what most people are manipulated by, because that is how the social behavior develops to influence the majority of people rather than one.

I was thinking about this more as i woke up. I think an outburst, like a tantrum, is more response driven where a meltdown is not.

Inability to process things and being overloaded can cause or involve emotions like anger and fear -- they are protective emotions, a huge part of fight or flight or freeze response that is involved in meltdowns.

Different people feel different emotions in response to stressful and overwhelming situations, just as people differ in terms of how stress comes out when it has gotten too big for them to manage (some people laugh, some people cry, some people scream and hit things).

I personally think neither fear nor anger nor any other emotion is automatically linked to any particular intention.

That makes sense.