Have you always had meltdowns?

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Yes! usually i would pull my own hair, bite myself, scream, hit my head on walls and when i went into puberty i started hitting, bitting and screaming at others.

Well, my ability to speak and process information is very limited during shutdown and I am really lacking energy but I can force myself to move and speak basic words or even simple sentences. I am also aware where I am. Just... I am not 100% there. My body is like a puppet. I can control it but my mind is not connected to my body. I'm receiving only basic signals and I can use only limited set of autopilot commands. I usually just make my body sit down and answer: "I'm just tired." if anybody asks what's going on. I can also answer simple "Yes" and "No" questions as long as the answer is obvious (my thinking is limited as too much thinking would break my shutdown state). For more complicated questions my autopilot has a set answer: "I don't know".

The worst thing is if someone forces me to return to my body for example by asking too much "Yes", "No" questions that require thinking. If I get sucked back to my 100% awareness during shutdown I easily get into a meltdown because I can't stand the overwhelming feeling my body is experiencing. So I blow up. The one who caused it should escape as soon as possible or else he might hear some hurtful words, watch a lot of tears and even get hit if I totally lose control (I learned to stop myself from being aggressive towards people or myself, I hit air or throw stuffs at wall instead).

That's a great analogy! It makes perfect sense to me. I try not to hurt others too- I flail mostly. Hopefully not hitting anything but air and occasionally my thigh by accident.

I think I understand better. Maybe what I call shutdowns are not so different from yours.

I don't feel like my mind is not connected to my body during shutdowns, though.... my mind itself isn't working properly. When I go from shutdown to meltdown, all it really means for me is that the shutdown reaches its worst possible point and a fight or flight response is added on.

For me, my meltdowns always involve the same cognitive and processing problems as shutdowns. My meltdowns always involve my brain being in the worst possible state of shutdown.

If someone i don't know / care about, insults me or hinders me i might get upset or angry about it but i will still be able to function and have some control over my brain and body, and altho it might play on my mind for a while afterwards (esp if onlookers take sides against me 'becoz' i got upset +/ stood up for myself) i will probably be recovered in a day or two. However, if a service provider that i can't just walk away from (or someone i really care about) behaves in a very antagonistic way it shocks me and i lose access to my memory / vocabulary, so if they then force me into responding to their BS my whole body starts to stammer and then my brain completely shuts me out ...i become an utter wreck. I know that if i'm then expected to respond to those unreasonable people my brain is likely to resort to swear words, so i then make myself more of a wreck by holding it in ...till i can get outside, where i can release the curses to the wind without fear of reprisals. I have been banned from a couple of council buildings (after being ganged up on by service providers) becoz i couldn't get away in time / 'becoz' (as i was once told in a letter) "tourettes is not allowed". The fact that people have threatened me in some way, and the fact that i have not threatened anyone in any way, has been deemed irrelevant by those i've complained to about these things. ^^^^^ Having severe metabolic problems i have had to remove lots of foods from my diet, and during that elimination process it was confirmed that fructose, refined sugar, and yeast exacerbate my tourettes (and sensory problems) ~ gluten also causes my brain to seize up under a variety of stressful conditions (included sensory) and can therefore also 'cause' a tourettes episode ~ unfortunately, even regular amounts of carbs put me at risk of seizing up under extremely stressful conditions ...altho control over my brain is not compromised for such long periods. ^^^^^ When an environmental ( / 'social') stress is extremely bad, it can take hours to regain complete control of my brain, and several days to physically recover well enough to function 'normally', but i've been told that i should be able to control myself / that i'm not going to get medicine for the tourettes, and that i'm simply paranoid with regards the extent to which foods hinder me (both mentally and physically ...tho i personally think of my brain as a physical thing) / that i'm not going to be referred to a specialist. Therefore, my biggest problems at the moment are: figuring out what to eat (especially as many 'veg' are fruit and eg root veg cause painfully stiff joints +/ anaphylaxia, and i can't live on just lettuce and cabbage), and which service provider/s to trust. ^^^^^ I get through the day by focusing on poetry projects, or my music, dvds or puzzle books (and, now, this forum), but every time i get ready to go shopping the problem of what to eat, & people's spiteful behaviour, makes me remember that i'm in a no win position ...makes me hate my 'life', so i now hate shopping more than ever!
It's just all too unbelievable to get my head around


Possible meltdowns from 4-5 years of age. I did not have aggressive behavior.

I don't remember when did I start meltdowns but I never stopped my meltdowns I only got ashamed of getting them so I wouldn't have them in front of anyone I would just go into my room if I felt I'm on the edge of getting a meltdown and keep hitting my head or cry there or in school(put my head on desk and cry or go to the bathroom and cry) -if I couldn't control myself in school

I used to have frequent, really bad meltdowns as a kid; they're very rare now, my last major meltdown was about 18 months ago, when I was under a lot of stress from uni exams and the death of my grandmother. The shutdowns have been getting really bad, which I attribute to a full-time work, a masters degree and a 2-hour commute between them.