Do you ever feel restricted by who you are?

Post Reply New Topic

Not really, I have felt that way somewhat in the past though when I was younger. But currently for instance I am really into metal and consider myself a metalhead, and yeah I wear typical metalhead clothes a lot of the time but I don't feel like I have to stick to that. Sometimes I just wear interesting clothes I like....usually sorta vintage-like(some is some just looks like it could be) type stuff that people would not probably associate with metal.

When I was more just getting into metal I probably cared more about looking like a metalhead now sometimes I just want clothes I think look good on me. Also am a bit more open minded to music I really wasn't when I got into metal....for a while I only listened to metal and classic rock due to being sick of all the stuff that was popular than after a while found there is lots of good stuff aside from metal and classic rock and just have to look for it since it wont be on the radio.

I feel quite restricted by my limiting factors..

I have a lot of bad sensory problems that increase my stress level, and pain level to where I can't function well, and will need to have recovery time before I can return to normal functioning levels. Sensory overload causes torment and misery upon my life and takes time out of my days for the required recovery. And people just can't understand this at all because they don't have these sensitivities. They often think I am acting out and seeking attention.

I have learning differences and problems that set me back in educational progress. My learning problems, lack of awareness I was autistic most of my life, not being taught things in my learning style have set me back many years in education and career progress.

I have social awkwardness, and difficulty understanding social ques. Leads to difficulty in successfully communicating and interacting, reduces my likeliness of making friends or being liked by people, increases likeliness people will distrust me or dislike me etc. It is difficult to express myself, especially my thoughts and feelings, and talking about technical things is easier though it can be hard to succeed at because I usually go over people's heads there. I have had few friends or people that can understand or care about me. Lots of loneliness. I will probably never have a significant other. Also, I have no charisma. All this encourages low self esteem, feeling hopeless.

Personality wise I am fundamentally different from most people and don't think anything like others, so I feel quite alienated as there are almost no one around who are in the slightest way similar to myself in thinking or personality. No kindred spirit to hang out with, few people to experience life amongst without fear of them becoming hateful and disgusted in me expressing my thoughts and views and being my uncloseted weird self. I am usually guarded, trust very few people, and don't open up to many people.

My personality and thinking clashes with most norms. It puts me at odds with society in certain ways, mainly with conformity standards, gender norms, dress expectations, stereotypes of what normal is, sexuality norms, little nuances of body movements and locomotion. The way I take in and scan the world and compute things is different from how others do, and some people notice that and get alarmed by it (which they don't need to do) because they assume I am doing something I am not doing (they usually assume it is something bad or evil). All these attributes of myself bring down people's views of me and sometimes brings their hatred and punishment onto me. These also make having friends or getting employed more difficult. It would still be very difficult even if I always did my best to fit in. But I rebel a lot because I like to be who I am and not a conformed fake along with feeling miserable by doing some of the 'normal' things that I disagree with.

Also, pretending to be normal takes a lot of thought processing and hard work to try to imitate others and their standards, also interferes with my concentration, slows me down when I am working on tasks, and is also stressful and makes me need to have extra unwind recovery time when I get home or get a break that I otherwise would not need.

It is difficult to learn how to conform or look 'normal', and a lot of conformity offends me and I sometimes don't want to partake in certain forms of it. With some things I don't consider it worth it to conform because I get degraded and treated badly even when I do try my hardest to fit in.

I could go on about my other non autistic problems and disabilities that hold me back, but this reply is getting quite long to read. I doubt that I should list or explain them, even though they have profound affects on my life.