Social overture

Post Reply New Topic

I think Egghead Jr. was being a little "tongue-in-cheek"--in other words, he was joking a little bit.

My conception of a "social overture" is that it covers many potential social situations.

In general, it is an attempt to initiate some kind of positive social contact. Being cordial is an essential part of the definition. Trying to make the person feel good when he/she is overwhelmed socially is another.

In general: it's not that the person with an ASD cannot initiate "social overtures," it's that he might seem "awkward," from the standpoint of an "NT" in initiating and responding to "social overtures."

Tony Attwood even states that Aspies want to socialize, but they are awkward in conveying that desire.

Rather than all that technical jargon thay may get misinterpreted, I believe socially awkward may have been more fitting, instead of atypical, or unsuccessful responses to social overtures.

It makes me want to ask more questions. Like what is atypical social overtures? It just sounds weird? Unlike me kind of weird. Like there is some kind of under the table written dialog for NT's that autistics are not aware of?

Ooh well, you answered my question anyways. Thank you.

If one picks up something off the ground for an evidently healthy person, that would constitute an abnormal social overture. Usually, healthy people don't feel they need help with that. Paranoid people might view such an overture with suspicion

Social overtures are hard because people are a mystery.

I have difficulty with it that's for sure. It is probably why I don't understand it very well. I need social overture training.

Try to be social, and get the odd shoulder.

Try to be nice, and I get taken advantage of.

Not all the time, but lots.

When I stick to my special interests, that usually doesn't happen. People come to me to talk about cars, and stuff. Off topic discussions come easy, and end quickly. I do not often get taken advantage of, because it is about money. Seems like this website makes for good off topic conversations for me. It is a completely different way to communicate though. Like texting. I like that too. Except for those mad texters (if there is such a word), who want to do it 50 times a day. Those people drive me nutz!

My wife is very good at social overtures and making people comfortable - I've learnt a few things from her over the years.

- try to relax around people (humans can sense fear/discomfort a mile away)
- try to smile or a least look happy (just think of happy things)
- ask questions like "how are you", "whats new", "hey-is that new 2015 GMC pickup your new truck?"
- if at your place offer them a beverage "like a beer?" or a snack "I'm getting some chips - want some?"

and things like that.

Classic examples of social overtures.

I get it now.
My bad social overtures story.

I went to trader joes the day before yesterday.

Got really frustrated because the type of people who go there have difficulty parking parallel to the parking lines, and are not centered.
That is neither here nor there.

Go in and get some food. The nice happy good looking teller smiles and says, "hi!, how are you". I say "fine"(because everybody else does). The boy bagger who is about two feet away, and heard everything says "hi! How are you today." At this point I'm speechless, because all I can think about are the things that do not make sence, like for instance, the question itself, but I have heard it so many times, I can get around that one, however, why would someone say that when I just gave someone the answer, and he heard everything I said? Does he expect to hear a different answer? Is there a different point of view? Should I use more words? Make something else up that is attatched to a question that doesn't make any sence? At this point I just open my arms, and hands, and look confused. because I am. Cute girl says "something new today?". That really sent my head in a twirl. Of course thinking I am in a store, there is new stuff all over the place, in fact everything in the store is NEW, and I am buying new stuff, so the question is entirely self explanatory! I reamain speechless. Than she looks at some spinach dip and says "that looks like it might be good". I said "I hope so". Of course thinking to myself why would I buy something if It looks like it wouldn't be good, or look bad. Are we supposed to be having something in common? I am at the point where I really hope she will stop trying to talk to me. She gives me the total. I take my money out, and try to hand it to her. She doesn't notice. She is more interested in the next in line. I stand motionless with my money 2 feet from her head, until she finally realises that I am trying to pay her, even though she is already in motion to ring up the next person. I had a funny feeling I was supposed to do something for her to realise that I was still there, I just don't know what? I look around, and said "gee, I almost thought it was free, I could have just taken my stuff and bolted right out of here." The bag boy said. "You wouldn't have made it one step out the door before security would stop you." I looked, and looked, and said "I didn't notice any security in here." He said "I was just kidding". I kinda figured. I got my stuff, and walked out as fast as I could. Went to my car thinking "what the heck was that, and why can't people around here figure out how to park a car?".

It was exhausting. All I wanted was a salad, some chips, and dip, and a gala apple.

Yah - chit-chat with store folk can be a pain.

I've figured out a good response to when store staff say to me "how are you today?". I reply "I'm doing good, how're you doing?" They usually reply with something along the lines of "Good, thanks" or "I'll be glad when my shift is over" (to which I reply "I'm sure"). Usually I'm able to wing it long enough to get my groceries and go.

If I'm really stuck I smile and pretend I didn't hear them, like I'm distracted or deaf or something. Seems to work OK.

Good luck

I usually do very well. That one threw me for a loop.