Referring to people by name

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I usually don't refer to people by their names unless I'm in a group with more than one person, or if I'm trying to get their attention.

Even when I do, I usually drag out syllables or mispronounce them to be funny. Saying people's names normally is weird to me, now that I think about it.

I'm kind of the opposite, I have to use their full name. I have many friends that go by Matt not Matthew or Jas not Jasmine, but I have to call them Matthew and Jasmine for some reason

It can take me a while to learn someone's name, especially in a new setting with lots of people, for example a new job.
Then I'm too worried about asking for their name, in case they think I should already know it, so their name will forever be "heya"

Once I do know someone's name though, it's not really a problem.

Interesting that you mention this, as I had a test that was just like this during my assessment. I was shown photographs of some random kids, told their names three times each (and had to repeat the names each time), then told each one's hobby. After we went through the list, I had to remember the names and the hobbies. I bombed it big-time. Could barely remember any of it, but I was slightly better at remembering the hobbies than the names.

I think a question about forgetting names would be a good addition to rdos' Aspie Quiz.

Yeah, apparently I have an aversion to it, as well, cuz I RARELY use someone's first name, and I've been called on it, too. I have no idea why I do it----usually, I have SOME theory as to why I do "whatever".

I don't like when people use MY first name, either. When waitressing, I don't like wearing a name tag, and if someone DARES to use my name, I feel like PUNCHING them. I have a friend on this site, whom I often text with, and she uses my name----and I keep forgetting to ask her to please stop----and, every time she does, I think to myself: "GOD, why does she keep DOING that?"

I dunno..... The closest I've come to figuring it out, is like what someone else said: It's too personal----but, then, when does it ever become NOT too personal? Like, I was with "the love of my life" for NINE years, and STILL didn't call him by his name----and, when I DID, I called him a "scramble" of his REAL name (his name, spelled backwards, was an actual word), and that was only when there were several people in the room, and I needed to get HIS attention, singularly.

I would LOVE to know what it is----ESPECIALLY, since so many of us, do it!

yeah I am really uncomfortable using peoples names, I just start talking in a persons direction, if I have to use it to get their attention it is really awkward 'um, hi *name*, sorry um'

I never ever call people by their names, even my boyfriend. If I need to get his attention I just say what I have to say and assume he will know I'm talking to him. Or I will poke the person then talk. I don't know why but I can't say people's names, I guess it does feel intense. So does when someone calls me by my name, I hate it!
I can use nicknames though that I make up for people....

Hey, THAT'S a good word, for it: "intense"----that's, maybe, better than "too personal". Also, I do like you do, in that I make-up names for people, and call them that. I've always said it was cuz I can't always remember names, (cuz I didn't know how, else, to explain it) but that's totally NOT it----and, now I see it's quite common----to "us", anyway.

This is, so very, interesting to me.....

I generally do not say names unless I am trying to get someone's attention.

I first noticed it when I was taking piano lessons in high school. I would *never* address my teacher by name. I could have used either his first name or Mr. ______________, but I couldn't bring myself to do either.

The greeting was a meek, "Hi" or "hello" if I even got that out.

I don't mind if someone says my name. In greetings, I like to be greeted but I can't stand having to initiate the greeting.

I do find saying someone's name very intimate/personal/intense. It is like that if I say someone's first name, I have the "privilege" to have that connection with them. That is why I sometimes don't like to say other people's names when I am talking about them with people I know, because it feels like I might be claiming a level of intimate connection that I don't have or shouldn't have.

There are a very few people whose name I have *wanted* to say, but then it seems like saying it in person is really weird so I don't.

I also don't use terms of endearment. And I really don't like being called a term of endearment.

I never use names either.

i don't even use titles such as 'dad' etc. if i can get away with it

Yesterday, I had an incident where I was meeting someone, and that person saw me first and enthusiastically called hello to me, using my name. I really wanted to return the greeting in a similar fashion, but the words just wouldn't come out.

I wondered then if I was communicating all the things I don't want to communicate, particularly disinterest. I wondered if I set our meeting off on the wrong tone.

My mom is allowed to call me "sweetie", and my sister can call me "doofus" (like she does sometimes in a playful teasing way.) My husband doesn't call me anything but my name. He would call me "babe" if I let him, but I nixed that one a LOOONNG time ago! That's it.

Up where I am, if people get called anything other than their name's, it's often derogatory. I don't get into that stuff.

I'm kind of on-and-off with using names. One time when someone says "hi" to me I might say "hi" to them with their name, but the next time I will just say "hi" and forget to use their name until it's too late.

I also feel uncomfortable referring to a person by his/her name. Like many others, it seems, I often take a long time to remember names. One way I have learned to deal with this at work is to look ahead as I walk down a hall, so I can start trying to think of the name of each person I see before I pass them, just in case they say my name as we pass.

Aside from difficulty remembering the name, it also just feels kind of strange to refer to someone by name. I think part of it is that in my mind I don't represent the person primarily by name. My mental files are not labeled by name. It is more like I remember the essence of the person in terms of things I know about them and things I have seen them do, and the name is just attached to the file somewhere.

But also, I know how much importance people (NT?) seem to attach to using names. That causes me a little anxiety, because I don't really understand it. Usually in the past, when there is a behavior that NTs attach a lot of weight to, and I don't see why they do, that behavior is an interpersonal landmine field. Enter the familiar experience of seeing a table full of seemingly angry faces, and having the thought, "uh-oh, what did I do this time?"