living on your own

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Pay your bills ontime, keep a clean house, have plently of healthy food in the fridge, do your laundry and the rest is really meaningless. Remember, living in a rats nest is a reflection on your being. In another words if you wanna feel good inside and out keep your home tidy.

I've been living on my own for about seven months. I have the following suggestions to make:

1) Money to move involves much more than just the monthly rent. You need money to move (renting a U-Haul or hiring movers). You need money to pay the deposit on utilities. You need money to pay a deposit to the landlord. If the apartment does not have washer/dryer hookups, you will need money to pay for the laundromat.

2) Do a lot of research BEFORE signing a lease. There are a lot of slumlords out there. Read the reviews online of past tenants. If possible, move to a place where you know plenty of current or past tenants. They will let you know what it is like to live there. When you first contact the property manager or landlord, ask plenty of questions. The most important questions to ask have to do with maintenance and problems with the unit. You will receive a tour before you are asked to sign the lease. Pay close attention. Make sure the apartment meets your needs. You might want to think about your needs beforehand and make a list of features your apartment must have. IT IS HARD TO GET OUT OF A LEASE ONCE YOU SIGN ONE, AND IT USUALLY COSTS YOU EXTRA MONEY. I learned this the hard way. My first apartment was run by a slumlord. They refused to do maintenance, and I spent months building a case against them before I was able to move. I am still out of $1000 because I haven't gotten back my security deposit back and other money I paid upfront to move in.

3) Document all contacts with the landlord if there are problems. Write down the date/time, who you talked to, what they said, and what they did. Keep copies of all the paperwork that you signed. Take photos of any damage to the property that was already there WHEN YOU DO THE TOUR ON THE DAY YOU MOVE-IN. Take pictures of any problems you have after moving in. You will need this evidence if you have to take your landlord to court later.

4) Leases are usually enforceable by a court, but there are exceptions. If the place is unlivable and you have proof or if parts of the lease are illegal, then the lease in not enforceable by law. You just have to take your landlord to small claims court, and you will win.

5) Don't get in a rush to move out. Wait until you find the place that you love and can afford. You will be spending a lot of time in your home and want it to feel like home.

Good luck!

What are your current life skills like cooking, cleaning, managing budget? If you feel they might not be good enough, practice to improve them. For me moving out was very pleasant. My personality clashed with everyone in my family. Living alone was very good for my mind. I did have all of the basic skills of living alone at the time. My parents were busy and at times completely absent when I was growing up. I knew how to take care of a household and managing finance. It was the best time of my life, living alone. So nice to not waste energy to argue with people and go anywhere any time. Of course I was a fearless young thing who never worried about dangers. Aren't most aspies like that?

Anyway my advice is sharpen your life skills, pick a good location (like if you don't have a car, get a place near transit), and enjoy your independence. Nothing to worry about. A high functioning aspie's biggest problem are social issues, and if you live alone you don't have that issue. You'll make some mistakes, everyone does, like missing bills, making the wrong kind of friend, being conned. But you'll learn from them and get wiser. I've lost my wallet more than once, it's not the end of the world by any means.

*OK I did get a bit lonely at first. Until I realized I can go out and see people any time. I didn't need much close social relationship, just interacting with some people would do. I went out a lot to libraries, malls and gardens, sometimes visiting my friends at the places they work. But then I'm a bit outgoing. An introvert would probably not have that problem at all.

...Well , it's been fairly inevitable for me .


te="Fnord"]Pay no attention to people who tell you that failure and homelessness are inevitable for an Aspie.

Yes, I was homeless, but only for as long as it took me to work my way out of it. It also helps to stay out of trouble with the Law - and no, it is not inevitable that being an Aspie automatically brings trouble from the police, either.

Stay out of trouble, work hard, learn as much useful information as you can, and never give up - those are the keys to a successfully independent life.[/quote]

There's some great advice in these replies. I agree that it's not as scary as it sounds. When I moved out when I was 23, I cried on my first night in my new home but I soon got used to it. I am an accountant so I'm going to mention a couple of things about money:-

If you're having difficulty living at home and budgeting, I think you need to learn to budget before you move out. Living on your own is expensive. What I used to do is keep meticulous records (and I mean meticulous ) of all my expenses. Then at the end of each month I'd categorize them and add them up to see what I was spending money on. eg you might think you're not spending much money on coffee from Starbucks, but it's amazing how fast it adds up. You might then be able to identify areas where you're spending too much and you can cut back. You will also be able to work out how much you can afford to spend on rent/utilities/groceries if you know how much you're spending on other things.

I have set up all of my utilities on a direct debit, so I don't have to worry about forgetting to pay the phone bill or whatever. I keep track of my monthly expenses: at the start of the month, I write down how much money I have in my bank account and all the regular payments that are going to come out during the month so I know how much "disposable income" I've got left to spend.

I hope that helps!

It will be challenging as you have to mind things you may not enjoy like bills, washing dishes, your own laundry, etc.

Take someone with you to look at the apartments and go over the lease with you so there are no surprises. Definitely get help to move in. It sucks to do it on your own.

If you don't have any credit history you might have to get someone to co-sign your lease. Typically you need first and last month's rent so make sure you have that. Give yourself a week to get moved in so you can have your utilities, Internet connection, TV, etc. turned on.

Make sure you have the basic furnishings if you don't get a fully furnished apartment. If this is your first time try to find an effeciency apartment. It's a smaller space but lower in rent.

I assume you have a job so just make sure your income is enough to cover your expenses. Make sure you have an emergency savings.

Other than that, have fun! Remember, being an Aspie doesn't mean you are incapable of living.

I might have to move into a dorm (i'm a college student. i got excepted into a university the other day yay!)
My cleanliness is not great at all, i don't want to live with a roommate, and-if i move into a dorm- i have to leave my cat =(
That's stressful for me but i don't even know if i could qualify him as an emotional support animal. (Not officially diagnosed but pretty sure i am HFA, parents don't recognize it, would probably be frowned upon by my parents if i tried to register him)
If this is the case, however, i should be ok-ish when i apply for financial aid.

I don't know. This is stressful.

Shotgun

what?

3 locks on your doors to the outside; basic, deadbolt and chain

typical self-sufficient/survival supplies; medicine, medical kit, torches, batteries, matches, tools (hammer, wrench, screwdrivers and whatnot; plumbing stuff too)

The first time I lived alone I made sure all the utilities were included in the rent. That meant all I had to do is pay the landlord once a month. I had no phone, one less bill to pay. The one mistake I made was the location of the apartment. It was next to a very busy street. The sound of sirens, loud vehicles and the smell of exhaust made it to difficult to deal with. I moved back in with my parents in about 10 months. After that I tried again and again and again. The biggest problem I always have is the noise. Five years ago I bought the house I live in now and as I type this there are vehicles and loud wind chimes outside. I manage o.k but I do poorly with house keeping and paying my bills. I have a hard time with medical bills. I rarely pay outside of what the insurance pays. I don't understand why I should. There getting paid allot of money for a 5 to 30 minute doctors visit. They don't need to make such outrageous money. I see the doctor for 5 minutes and they get paid $75. Seriously, that is just wrong.

you don't need too many appliances; an oven and clothes washer are two of the common ones that make things easier. Vacuum is needed, IMO

tools for outside if you have an outside area/yard (in addition to the inside ones previously mentioned); axe, shovel, shears, gloves, pick/hoe and whatnot

cleaning supplies (even if you don't use them, it's good to have them around)

the previous suggestion, "shotgun"; good to have one around for protection -- there's a lot of stuff out there on what's the best defensive weapon, which is far too much to bother with for most people not interested in shooting -- a simple pump 20 or 12 gauge (20 if small female) with various types of ammunition, like birdshot, buckshot and some slugs on hand, is enough for all situations (a handgun takes too much practice to be proficient, and they're not legal everywhere -- some form of simple shotgun is available in most countries)

getting into a routine of when you do things can be good for those of us with executive dysfunction -- when you stick to it, you find that it's way easier than just doing something spontaneous. Say, washing the dishes the same time each day

you only really need one change of linen to begin with

you can accumulate most of the supplies that aren't needed right now over time, say, picking up one from the cleaning supplies pile when you go grocery shopping one day (another week, get something else)