Don't be ____!

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It's not only often just rude and thoughtless but a tactic of a control freak into (no surprise) controlling.

There was a great book called "Scripts People Live" in the 70s by Claude Steiner, and he looked at the whys and wherefores and impacts of the Don't messages, especially from parents to children, - don't be you, don't think, don't trust yourself, don't feel, don't bother me... I think there is some stuff of his online that may be useful if you were met with a barrage of don'ts like machine gun fire in any setting in the past.

Those punches would be curative, perhaps, for both parties... however I am not a violence advocate. The "calm down" thing is a put down; you are being trivialised, not cared for or about. People who have good will and want to help alleviate your distress can ask "are you ok? is there something I can do for you right now?"

There's tank fillers and tank emptiers. They both identify themselves by what they say, and use that as an early warning system!! !

I agree with the OP DevilsKisses. Anger is just as much a legitimate emotion as happiness.

Usually the best thing you can do for someone who is angry (and the anger is justified) is listen to them and let them talk it out. If you understand their point of view, let them know that you feel the same way. This is a time for solidarity and emotional support, not a time for solutions. Solutions to the problem should be discussed later when they are feeling better.

If you feel their anger isn't justified or is misdirected/ displaced (scapegoating) then it's usually a better idea to distance yourself from them until they are in a calmer state. People who are susceptible to the defense mechanisms of displacement and projection are unlikely to learn and correct the problem while in highly emotional states.

One exception is if their anger is caused by a blatant misunderstanding, and you are confident that communication will sort out the issue. In that case, explain, but be sure there is sufficient evidence to back up your words.