Wrong Planet Disorder
IAmTheCatalyst
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 15 Sep 2014
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 137
Location: The Known Universe
WOW! We both had the same experience around the same age. I wonder what it is? Why do/did we feel like that at such a young age, I mean, I didn't even have 'issues' or people being horrible to me back then so I had no reason to want to leave. I just seemed to instinctively know that I didn't belong here.
Yeah, I don't know. I honestly have no idea how I knew I was different. It was sort of just a sense.
_________________
Officially DXed: ASD. Un DXed: EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified).
ImAnAspie, yes!
Thank you for describing exactly how I feel. I agree with you whole heartedly. The human race is the meanest, selfish, and two faced, calculating race there is. We're worse than most predators. We abuse our own children.
I have a theory that God gave us brains to orginize the police otherwise we'd murder each other, and fear of consequences in case of murder is what kept the human race alive so far. Zebras also has a leader that has power and control, but it never turns on them. Instead, it'll give its life to protect its herd.
I have always felt as if everyone surrounding me were aliens. I remember the other first graders talking without me understanding what the hell they were saying. The words didnt make sense. They laughed at things i didnt find funny. They got mad/upset/happy, and I didn't understand why. They looked like robots sometimes, and I had no idea what they were thinking or feeling, or if they were capable of feelings at all.
I feel lost in space between planets, light years away from light and understanding. The feeling of being lost and confused is so complete that it's total, an everyday thing. Glad to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Thanks so much for posting this.
_________________
Blogging about childhood and adulthood with Asperger and my own personl experience with rage attacks, shutdowns, social phobias etc. https://aspergerlifeblog.wordpress.com/
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said
"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey."
I would add to this that I am a spiritual being on a human journey of which autism is an integral part.
I can often feel I don't belong on the 'Wrong Planet' or neurologically typical planet. Just floating around in liminal space.
Evil_Chuck
Velociraptor
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Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 494
Location: Lost in my thoughts.
Yes. I really do. At first I thought it might just be my town, my school, my state, etc. But then I went to other places and nothing changed. (Actually things got worse because I didn't have my family to fall back on anymore.)
I was not meant for this world. I don't understand why I had to be brought into it. It's too bright and too loud and too ugly. A lot of the people are thoughtless and mean, and everyone has an excuse. It's a world where the ones who work the hardest get paid the least, where they desperately compete for each others' attention, and they participate in mutually shared illusions (religions, institutions, whatever you want to call them) to put off the haunting truth of their own insignificance for one more day. And it's a place where "autistic," in most peoples' minds, is just another word for "whiner," "weirdo", or "that one ret*d kid."
It's a place where children are bombarded with empty, meaningless platitudes like "just be yourself" and "you can do anything if you just put your mind to it." Where, after struggling for 30 years to separate those lies from the reality of an existence where even punching a clock and holding down a job becomes unbearable, you must identify under the umbrella of "disabled" in order to receive help. Then you must have money in order to survive during a prolonged application process and a lawyer to force the government to take you seriously. Then you must attempt to sustain yourself on what little money they give you.
At every turn I am punished by society, for no crime other than failing to fit into this world others have created. Even though I recognize Earth as the only place where human life can naturally thrive, how can I ever feel that I belong here?
_________________
RAADS-R SCORE: 163.0
FUNNY DEATH METAL LYRICS OF THE WEEK: 'DEMON'S WIND' BY VADER
Clammy frog descends
Demon's wind, the stars answer your desire
Join the undead, that's the place you'll never leave
You wanna die... but death cannot do us apart...
ImAnAspie
Veteran
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Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
Thank you for describing exactly how I feel. I agree with you whole heartedly. The human race is the meanest, selfish, and two faced, calculating race there is. We're worse than most predators. We abuse our own children.
I have a theory that God gave us brains to orginize the police otherwise we'd murder each other, and fear of consequences in case of murder is what kept the human race alive so far. Zebras also has a leader that has power and control, but it never turns on them. Instead, it'll give its life to protect its herd.
I have always felt as if everyone surrounding me were aliens. I remember the other first graders talking without me understanding what the hell they were saying. The words didnt make sense. They laughed at things i didnt find funny. They got mad/upset/happy, and I didn't understand why. They looked like robots sometimes, and I had no idea what they were thinking or feeling, or if they were capable of feelings at all.
I feel lost in space between planets, light years away from light and understanding. The feeling of being lost and confused is so complete that it's total, an everyday thing. Glad to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Thanks so much for posting this.
You're welcome. It took guts (and copious amounts of alcohol) to actually admit this but that's the way it is. I first saw and fell in love with the stars when I was about 4 - and I can still see myself somewhere around 6 years old looking out the back door up at the night sky thinking "Where are you? When are you coming for me?" I really felt abandoned.
Obviously, even back then I knew something was different with me. I just didn't know I was a super Aspie
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
ImAnAspie
Veteran
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Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
I was not meant for this world. I don't understand why I had to be brought into it. It's too bright and too loud and too ugly. A lot of the people are thoughtless and mean, and everyone has an excuse. It's a world where the ones who work the hardest get paid the least, where they desperately compete for each others' attention, and they participate in mutually shared illusions (religions, institutions, whatever you want to call them) to put off the haunting truth of their own insignificance for one more day. And it's a place where "autistic," in most peoples' minds, is just another word for "whiner," "weirdo", or "that one ret*d kid."
It's a place where children are bombarded with empty, meaningless platitudes like "just be yourself" and "you can do anything if you just put your mind to it." Where, after struggling for 30 years to separate those lies from the reality of an existence where even punching a clock and holding down a job becomes unbearable, you must identify under the umbrella of "disabled" in order to receive help. Then you must have money in order to survive during a prolonged application process and a lawyer to force the government to take you seriously. Then you must attempt to sustain yourself on what little money they give you.
At every turn I am punished by society, for no crime other than failing to fit into this world others have created. Even though I recognize Earth as the only place where human life can naturally thrive, how can I ever feel that I belong here?
I agree with you about this world being too bright and too loud. I get headaches from a too brighter day and sharp, loud sounds cause me physical pain.
The one thing I will disagree with you on is the "you can do anything if you just put your mind to it." bit! This is actually something I firmly believe in. I think anyone can learn anything, even brain surgery. It might take some more time than others and a lot of it comes down to aptitude and dedication but as I say, as long as you don't have some mental condition preventing you from learning, anyone can learn anything. It just takes some longer than others. My knowledge of my Special Interests over the years is a true testament to that! You just need to apply yourself and be interested in what you want to learn!
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
Evil_Chuck
Velociraptor
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=100081.jpg)
Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 494
Location: Lost in my thoughts.
The one thing I will disagree with you on is the "you can do anything if you just put your mind to it." bit! This is actually something I firmly believe in. I think anyone can learn anything, even brain surgery. It might take some more time than others and a lot of it comes down to aptitude and dedication but as I say, as long as you don't have some mental condition preventing you from learning, anyone can learn anything. It just takes some longer than others. My knowledge of my Special Interests over the years is a true testament to that! You just need to apply yourself and be interested in what you want to learn!
It's nice that you have found that saying to be true for you, but my experience has been different. If anything, this kind of talk demotivates me because I have heard it all my life from people who did not understand my problems. I can appreciate your good intentions, but hearing it from a fellow autistic person does not change that effect.
_________________
RAADS-R SCORE: 163.0
FUNNY DEATH METAL LYRICS OF THE WEEK: 'DEMON'S WIND' BY VADER
Clammy frog descends
Demon's wind, the stars answer your desire
Join the undead, that's the place you'll never leave
You wanna die... but death cannot do us apart...
Even if I don't fit in, at least then I would have the excuse of being a foreigner.
Yes, I can confirm that being a foreigner makes it easier not to fit in. I grew up in four different countries and since then have lived in three further countries.
I recommend settling down in a place that is enjoyable from a non-social perspective (climate, access to nature, good transportation, not overcrowded, etc.) so that not fitting in is enjoyable. I have never stressed out about trying to participate in the local culture.
ImAnAspie
Veteran
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Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
The one thing I will disagree with you on is the "you can do anything if you just put your mind to it." bit! This is actually something I firmly believe in. I think anyone can learn anything, even brain surgery. It might take some more time than others and a lot of it comes down to aptitude and dedication but as I say, as long as you don't have some mental condition preventing you from learning, anyone can learn anything. It just takes some longer than others. My knowledge of my Special Interests over the years is a true testament to that! You just need to apply yourself and be interested in what you want to learn!
It's nice that you have found that saying to be true for you, but my experience has been different. If anything, this kind of talk demotivates me because I have heard it all my life from people who did not understand my problems. I can appreciate your good intentions, but hearing it from a fellow autistic person does not change that effect.
I understand but this isn't something I've learned from NT's. This is one of my thoughts. All of my thoughts are mine. I'm not shaped by society, their cliché expressions or their way of thinking. My thinking is extremely different to theirs and I form my own opinions, judgements, ideas etc. on my own but this one I do wholeheartedly believe in. I've said this to myself for many years now. It helped when I first started programming in C for Sun Microsystems UNIX. I thought, "This is too much." and then I remembered how I felt about learning and did it. And did it well.
Another thing I like to say to myself when I'm tackling a difficult task is, "How hard can it be? I mean, it's not rocket surgery!"
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_smile.gif)
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
Yes, Iamanaspy, There Is A Wrong Planet : The Classic Edition by Francis Pharcellus Church
“iamanaspy, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Iamanaspy, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
_________________
Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb
ImAnAspie
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Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
“iamanaspy, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Iamanaspy, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
I tend to agree with you. Another one of my original thoughts is that humans are too taken by themselves. Being the (self declared) smartest animal in a pool of dumb creatures doesn't make you smart. It just means you're the smartest of all the dumb animals that exist.
I've never viewed the human race as any different or better than cockroaches or bacteria. Life is life!
![Heart :heart:](./images/smilies/icon_heart.gif)
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
I've never viewed the human race as any different or better than cockroaches or bacteria. Life is life!
![Heart :heart:](./images/smilies/icon_heart.gif)
and I disagree with you!
If you've never viewed the human race, as any different than cockroaches or bacteria, I wonder,
through what eyes are you looking at this realm through?
I can't even begin to imagine how to begin explain how awesome and unexplainable and amazing mere existance is!
_________________
Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb
ImAnAspie
Veteran
![User avatar](./download/file.php?avatar=91641.jpg)
Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
I've never viewed the human race as any different or better than cockroaches or bacteria. Life is life!
![Heart :heart:](./images/smilies/icon_heart.gif)
and I disagree with you!
If you've never viewed the human race, as any different than cockroaches or bacteria, I wonder,
through what eyes are you looking at this realm through?
I can't even begin to imagine how to begin explain how awesome and unexplainable and amazing mere existance is!
My stance on the subject is simply this. Life is life. Whether we're better, worse, smarter than anything else that exists on this rock is simply a judgement. An opinion. I often wonder how you can get all of those guts into a little insect and still have it all work well.
Cats! Now there's a magnificent animal. In your opinion, they may not be as smart as humans but I'd much rather pat a cat than pat you. I think cats are better. Aren't dolphins supposed to be as smart as us? I don't care about how smart my (mum's) cat is. She's smart enough for me. I know she loves me and that's all I care about!
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
When I was younger, I was like this. When I was eleven, though, I started to believe some things just because the rest of society believed them. However, after experiencing the logical extreme of doing that, I went back to simply relying on my own judgement.
I haven't crossed over to the realm of psychosis and as a result, I really do know I'm human but I do remember when I was about 6 years old, looking up at the stars at night and thinking "When are they coming back to pick me up?" I didn't know if I was left here for safety, punishment or to learn a lesson but I've got to admit, if I was left here to learn a lesson, the only lesson I've learned so far is that these humans can be the cruelest, coldest bastards you don't ever want to meet and I really don't want to be amongst them. That's why I choose solitude!
Do any of you REALLY feel like you're living on the wrong planet?
Yes, just like you said.
...not just the wrong place, but also the wrong time. See signature.
_________________
Anachronism: an object misplaced in time.
"It's true we are immune, when fact is fiction and TV reality"
"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards"
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