Don't Wanna Grow Up Anymore

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Not really. Maybe somewhat, though. It's mostly based on a general perception.

I think many 19 year old people are in transition, and have a hard time. Things usually get better by 25.

Growing up to me means that I'd have to act my age and my birth gender. Yuck!

I'm 19. Legally I'm an adult, intelligence-wise I am much older, but emotionally and socially I'm really immature. I have a hard time regulating my emotions and impulses, and I guess I can be a bit naive, so that makes me look pretty childish. It doesn't help that physically I look more boyish than manly. My face looks almost exactly the same as it did when I was a kid, even a baby, people easily recognize me from toddler pictures and say, "You look exactly the same!" And all of my aunts, friends' moms, and really just mothers in general, STILL tell me how cute I am.
-_-

Anyway... I want to be an adult in the sense that I want to be financially independent and able to live on my own. But other than that, I don't care for society's idea of what an adult is.

The problem with growing up is that knowledge can be a very detrimental thing if not given enough context, it comes at a price becomes it tends to diminish that sense of wonder that you have as a kid, and then there are the cold hard truths of this world that we shield the children from, the things that tend to rear people towards cynicism.

The more you know the less wonder you tend to feel, when you're a kid there is just so much unknown in this world and it's a constant influx of discovery, as you become an adult most of that is done away with and that sense of grandiose wonder comes in smaller and yet smaller doses.You can take it to the next level in a trade or interest and become a vanguard there to explore where others left off, but that requires a lot of disciplined study in a dull room, something that doesn't carry that constant sense of wonder that you're addicted to as a child.

and then there's the fact that you have all of this in the context of being dependent on others, since you're not yet exposed to the stress of responsibility and independent living.

I often think that while I've been chronically depressed for a long time, my life wouldn't have been so bad if I died shortly around/before puberty.

I hated growing up when I was a pre teen and I had that fear of becoming an adult. But honestly I think being an adult is easier than being a child because I don't have to deal with any BS and having to conform or else I get bullied and picked on and at least no one cares what you wear or what you like because they leave you alone. I don't have to worry about what to wear or if I wore this outfit already or not and I have more freedom so I can decide what to buy and what things to have without having to ask for it and then hear the word no or being told I can't have this or that. I was in 6th grade when I realized all the adults had all the power and control and kids were dominated and told what to do and didn't have much freedom and were to be silent and not allowed to express themselves or else it's "disrespect." Then I really couldn't wait to be an adult lol.

I like earning my own money because it gives me freedom and money to spend on things I want and I can drive so that gives me freedom too but I still have to budget and there is the money anxiety.

I like to stay as a child, I don't mind the limitations and expectations because they're easy but annoying.
And advance to adult already. I don't mind the mature experiences and expectations because they're reasonable.

I never want to be a teen, ever. I wish I can skip the teen part, I hate being a teen. But I HAVE to, unfortunately. I just don't want the teenager's expectations. (Being treated like a kid and expect to act like an adult, the hormones that would I wish I can get rid of, and more people idled with hormones that would keep bothering me, and many more that would drive me insane like the typical BS from peer pressures) IMO, being a teen made me a slower learner even I tried so hard to resist it.

Aaanndd.. I might not wish to live as an incapable advanced senior. I don't know, I simply don't want to live long enough when I'm not able to walk or think anymore. I don't wanna live long enough to remain in a bed in a vegetative state for the rest of my years.

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