"Don't label yourself"?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, Especialy psychologists have a problem with labels as people may let themselved be "locked" by them. Especially the existentialistic psychologists have a had time with it, but I believe that their concerns are exaggerated. Most of us will go: "Wow! Really?" when we get the label, and it becomes a mirror for a time, while we search our lives for signs and explanations - and one day, when all that is done, we return to our usual selves: "Yeah! Got the explanation, feel better, got the manual - now, get on with it". The label can be of help in social cases. The label is a bit of a help in a world, that gravely misunderstands ASD and tries to deny it and "talk you out of that belief", because it is " a HANDICAP!" and "not you at all".

If you re confused you should ask for clarification, if no matter what you do you are getting more and more confused you should stop seeing that therapist.

Another possibility - though if it is what is happening, your therapist has failed to make it clear - is tagging ourselves with global negatives when we are experiencing discouragement or despair. For example: you have a series of adverse events one after another within a short time: you bake a cake, it comes out like cracked concrete; you enrol in a course that you hate and it doesn't go well; you ask someone out and they decline; you decide to do some exercises and put your back out.. temporarily overloaded with a sense of failure, you then turn the feelings of frustration and hurt into negative labelling: "I am useless" "I am a loser" "I never do anything right" "nothing works for me". This is the classic scenario of confusing feelings for facts. The fact is, you have had a bad run - it happens to everyone sooner or later, and there is curious truth in the old saying sometimes that "it never rains, it pours". The realist position is fact: "Ok, that was a bad patch. Thank goodness that's over. One day I'll look back on it and laugh". The most common confusion is when temporary feelings of despair are mislabelled as personal inadequacy. Telling yourself that you are inadequate frequently can actually set up neural patterns in the brain (we didn't know this 20 years ago) - clusters of neurons learn to form a pattern associated with a repetitive belief, even if it is totally false.

So maybe that's what he/she means. However your confusion suggests that communication is not well established with this therapist and maybe it is time to move on.

First understand these therapists are psychologists, not medical doctors or medical professionals. They provide two essential services i) assessment and ii) talk therapy

In the case of assessment their training involves being careful to ensure the client (you) is not stressed by the potential impact of "labeling". Thus they are covering their backsides by saying "don't be so hung up on labeling yourself".

I think, you nailed it

'saves them money'

in what manner????

Sorry, I understand the difference, I just wrote doctor simply because it's easier to write on mobile than psychologist. I guess I could see why they might be concerned about that. But in all seriousness, the thing that's most stressful for me right now is the mixed messages I keep getting about what my diagnosis actually is.

I suppose that's a possible explanation. If that's what they've been trying though, it's pretty much the exact opposite of what I need, IMO. I'm generally optimistic, and have never been prone to that kind of thinking. I don't view the label as a negative thing. If anything, I see it as a key part of a path towards accepting myself as I am.

If I may ask, what kind of issues are you trying to discuss which are being evaded by the psychologist? (It may be that the psychologist just doesn't know and doesn't want to acknowledge that). It's very likely that members here will be able to discuss all the ins and outs of them, we've all walked a thousand plus marathons in the same shoes...

No wonder so many ASD adults aren't diagnosed.

Actually, there's a difference between therapists and psychologists. People use the words interchangeably, but it's wrong because all psychologists aren't therapists. You can become a licensed therapist with only an MA or MS, while a psychologist has earned a doctor of philosophy (PhD) or doctor of psychology (Psy D), so there's nothing wrong with you referring to them as "doctor." (For example, most people know of Dr. Phil... he has a PhD.) You don't need to have an MD for that title to be used, though we all know that's how it generally is used, but anyone who has earned a doctorate degree has technically earned the title. (Another example: someone who has earned a JD is a "juris doctor", so you may hear people simply refer to them as a doctor.)

Now you said number 2 tried to treat you for SAD, and your current one is treating you as well. How are you be treated though - just with therapy or have you also been treated with medications before? That might explain the comments about them not wanting you to label yourself.

I would say your current diagnosis is ASD, since you said you were officially diagnosed.

I mean, it mainly is anxiety issues. I tend to avoid a lot of conflicts because of my anxiety about how the interaction will go, which results in the situation growing worse and worse until I can't manage it any more.

My issue with Psychologist #2 was never that he wanted to treat my anxiety issues, it was that he wouldn't even entertain the notion that there was anything else going on. For example, I would try and raise a non-anxiety problem, such as having auditory processing problems at an event my employer hosted. To which he would respond (paraphrasing here), "you're too high functioning to be on the spectrum, all of your issues, including this one, are simply due to anxiety".

Additionally, part of the reason I was seeking therapy at the time was because I wanted to get a better understanding of the (ASD) diagnosis I had just received and how it did or didn't fit into my life. So his flat out refusal to address it was kind of a deal breaker there.

The most recent series of events with Psych #3 grew out of a conversation about how much anxiety I had about identifying as an aspie, or autistic, or whatever. Given the problems with the diagnosis report and the subsequent denial of it by Psych #2, I have a lot less self confidence about where exactly I lie in all of this than I want to. So I sometimes get bouts of anxiety or guilt about whether or not I should be participating in conversations on sites like this, or identifying myself as on the spectrum here.

It also has ramifications on how I deal with disclosure in real life. That's significantly complicated by the fact that my son is also diagnosed with ASD, because it raises a lot of ethical issues for me regarding things like hypocrisy and teaching my son self acceptance. If we're going to try to teach him that his diagnosis is something that he should be comfortable with and not embarrassed or ashamed of, then I feel like it's incumbent on me to be able to model that for him with how I deal with my own diagnosis, something I'm not doing such a great job with at the moment.

There's a lot more that I'm dealing with on top of that, but I think that covers the relevant parts to this discussion.

I'm beginning to think labels don't explain anything; only restrict us.

My parents are not willing to move beyond my diagnoses. They believe because of them, I will be unable to function in life. Then mentioning them to the average teen, the only thing they think of is the stereotypes for autism.

I wish people would understand these things are not true. I can be my own person if I have to be.

I think you should re-read the bold part, because it seems to explain at least why your current psychologist told you not to worry about labels. This is especially true if you actually brought up how you were anxious or wondering about exactly where you lie on the spectrum. I really don't think that's something you should be worrying about... why does it matter? What exactly are you trying to figure out? Do you know what level you were diagnosed with? Perhaps that would help calm the anxiety? I'm personally of the opinion that an official diagnosis doesn't "qualify you" or determine your ability to participate on this forum or even identify as being autistic, but that's just my opinion. Autism isn't something you develop, so if you know (and I mean deep down you really know) that it describes you, then who cares? What matters is that you're getting the help you need.

I'm still wondering exactly how you're being treated for anxiety. Sorry if it's offensive, but it seems like your anxiety is pretty bad at this point. Do you feel like seeing a psychologist is helping it? It sounds like you're also anxious about who you should disclose the diagnosis to? That's another thing you really shouldn't be worrying about. You disclose it to whomever you want to (because you may not want to disclose it to certain people - maybe a coworker, for example). I think it's a process and that you'll learn a lot of the answers to any questions you have as you go along. The psychologists you've seen may not be able to answer them, especially if they haven't worked with many autistic adults. Some people actually have to "grieve" getting the diagnosis. Maybe that's the stage you're still at? It sounds like it's a possibility.

You´re right. Labels don´t explain anything. They just point at certain characteristics in the person - be it healthwise or personalitywise - and they can easily be changed according to the latest scientific assumptions.
The labels are there for easier handling of knowledge.

However, they can help those who is in need of seeking help - and they can stigmatize healthy individuals with certain typical traits - like aspergians.

To many people "syndrome" sounds close to "sickness" = abnormality. There´s the rub.

Perhaps you should encourage your parents to read about the subject.
John Elder Robisons book, "Be different" goes about aspergers in a very un-dramatic, entertaining way and yet it explains the difficulties in the aspie brain seen from a childs / youngsters point of view - and points out, that, given the right circumstances, aspies may exell greatly.
He shows aspie-weaknesses and strengths as another setup - nothing more.
Your parents may benefit from reading this. Ask them.