What advice would you have for a parent of ASD child?

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One thing that most parents seem to have a big difficulty with, whether they are parenting typical or atypical children, is simply apologising when they are wrong! (I plead guilty to doing this in the past too.. with my now vast wrinkles (!) I can see how healing it could have been, for both children and parent).

Parents do seem to find it very hard to ask the healing question: "I'm sorry, I was wrong about that, can you forgive me?" Rather they just move on in silence typically, pretending that the error never happened. And if the parent has a neurotic need to "always be right", the kids not only learn it but tend to magnify it in their own personalities and behaviour, and it's a very unattractive trait that can negatively affect life relationships, work, the ability to form friendships. So if you can model the ability to say "oops, was wrong there, I am sorry" you are doing them a considerable service, IMO...

Sometimes it even helps to be wrong on purpose so that the kids can see you are only human after all They like that. I practiced it on the grandkids!

Yes, Camping Cat, setting clear limits and boundaries is really important, kids with no boundaries may like it when they are young but tend to run into problems at adolescence bigtime.

I don't think forcing something as complex as eye contact is possible. It's important, it needs to happen, but keep things relaxed so he can learn because it isn't about just looking, you also need to register when to look away throughout the conversation, and pay attention to hierarchies.....it's very tough to get it right, and you don't want to give him the idea he should just look at people. Staring doesn't go over well at all.

One thing I meant to mention before - establish what your child's dominant mode of learning is - visual, auditory, kinetic - as soon as you can. For example, one of my grandchildren was slow to learn toilet training - despite his mother's repeated explanations and attempts to guide him. The problem was solved overnight when a support person showed him a comic strip of a child following the steps to "going" - pulling down his pants, sitting on the toilet, pooh falling into the toilet, wiping his bottom, pulling up his pants, flushing the toilet, washing his hands, etc in a series of connected comic strip frames. He was a visual learner, and all the explaining by telling and describing didn't work, he didn't process information that way. Children don't always have just one dominant style, there are mixed learners, while others are profoundly single mode learners. I was primarily auditory, then visual, and not at all a kinetic learner. As I got older the auditory mode became more profound and the visual less, so there are changes over time too in some cases.

1. Learn to accept him for who he is, and look at what he is drawn toward. Help him learn as much as he wants about these things.
2. Be sure to stand up for him when he is picked on, teased, or otherwise mistreated by classmates (if it happens).
3. Having said 1) and 2), be sure to do your best to teach him what kind of "bending" to the needs of others is necessary to make it through life, and the difference between something he does for himself (like a hobby) or for others/out of necessity (school work, sharing things that aren't his, etc.). Much of my difficulty as a young adult has centered around trying to reconcile the fact that I'm different and special with the fact that I still need to function in the world. This leads to going back and forth between high and low self-esteem and times when I sacrifice something I shouldn't, or else don't make an adjustment that I should. The fact that many things I liked doing (e.g. math) were also part of school has made it harder for me to learn this balancing act.

I'd put him on a diet low in sugar, high in protein, veggies, and especially probiotics & see how his symptoms respond to it.

Many people on here don't believe me, but I'm essentially living a second life after major dietary changes over the last couple years + tons of probiotics. ASD symptoms are down ~95% from what they were and I'm happier and healthier than ever. When I took a course of antibiotics in October I had a relapse of increased ASD symptoms again. Loaded up on probiotics and am back to being & feeling better.

If you'd care to discuss any of this, feel free to PM me.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

There is a demonstrated higher incidence of celiac disease amongst children and adults on the spectrum, so you do need to monitor for those symptoms, particularly if there is a history of "tummy trouble" in family members. The symptoms are often mistaken for food allergies, and though allergies are part of the picture, celiac is more complex. Chances are your child won't have these, though it is something to be mindful of.

I would like to add that while the next several years will have many ups and downs to them, never give up.

The child you see now is not the child he will be in 5 years or 10 years.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you what your child "won't be able or can't do" They are wrong.

Our kids mature at their own rate and while he may or may not talk, read, etc when others of the same age are he can get there eventually.

God Bless

I want to thank each of you for taking the time to reply. I have learned so much. This is exactly what I was hoping for when I posted here. You guys are too much, really.

I know the road ahead isn't going to be easy. If I had to guess, my biggest downfall is going to be excusing his behavior too much because of his Autism. Luckily, my wife will have none of it. If he acts up, he's going to be in trouble with her.

I'm going to do my best to keep him looking for the positive, but I know eventually some darker times are probably going to come for him. Now I think I'll be a little bit better equipped. Thanks again all.

One advice I would add: DO NOT have any more kids!. Being on the spectrum myself 4 siblings was too much for me to handle. Back then though, my parents were Catholic and they don't believe in birth control. Large families are chaos bins that don't give anyone a chance.

Psychologists are very helpful to children with autism cope with problems, as well as their parents.
I read a review of a woman who has become stronger and more confident. Knowing that her child with autism, it is a strong moral oppression. But she did not give up and described her story with e child in her blog stopautismnow.com
I hope the review will be useful for those who need moral support, or does not know what to do in this situation.