Why don't you like to talk?

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It's not that I don't like to talk, it's just not people always seem to take it the wrong way, especially those my own age.

In many ways I do like to talk, but I tend to shy away from it if it's face-to-face small talk, I often just can't think of anything to say. I've managed to do small talk briefly with people I'm reasonably familiar with in familiar settings, e.g. a brief mutual rant over bad weather or bad managers, but I can't keep it going for long. I do much better with my partner. We often have long conversations, and we both feel that silence between us is also a pleasant thing and that it's nothing to worry about. Though I'm still not in the habit of asking her much about herself apart from very basic things such as "how are you feeling today?" and "did you get that job done that you were talking about before?" We're both in the habit of talking about our main emotional experiences without being asked to, so it's not really a problem that I don't ask much.

I don't usually like small talk by texting. It gives me the time to think of a better response, but I don't like the way my phone keeps going off, interrupting me from whatever else I'm doing. Emails are much better for having a conversation, I can tackle the thing as one task, in a better-controlled manner. Instant messaging is easier for me than texting, I guess because of the bigger keyboard and screen.

The other practical problem is that getting involved in a conversation will likely require me to listen, and I often blank out when I'm trying to do that, which puts me in a difficult position. It's a strange kind of attention defecit, I often focus pretty well on what's being said to me, but that blanking out thing can strike at any time.

Well, it seems that I'm a "rare bird" in "Aspiedom", because I LOVE to talk (including small talk), and will often initiate it, on the bus, or in a doctor's waiting room, for instance.

I like to talk, and I don't mind small talk, but not when there's a pointless, boring or just plain awkward vibe to the atmosphere (which there often is). I hate it when it's like that, since then I've nothing sensible to contribute to the discussion.

It's not as I don't like talking. At times I find myself starting conversations with random people just because I have nothing better to do at the moment (for example I wait for lessons to start).

However my memory and attention deficits makes socializing conversations hard. I can easily hold conversations that have a non-human topic (such as homework or weather) but I fail badly in conversations requiring social intelligence. I have hard time figuring out who I am talking to (I can talk with another student and wonder if he is not a teacher), remembering facts about people (names, interests, personality, whatever I talked with him already about the topic or not) and making sense of rumors (when someone speaks about a Jacob I have no idea who is that Jacob although everyone else seems to know right away).

I also have trouble answering questions such as "How are you?" (I know I am supposed to answer "I'm fine" but I always forget to do it and wonder how to say what I really feel and why they want to know that). Personal questions give me a lot of trouble. I know whatever I say it won't describe how I feel in a way they will understand and also I know there is no point for them to know all that. Sometimes I try to simply say: "Lets change topic." or "I don't know, whatever." but then they dig "C'mon, tell us! Now you made us curious!" and I have no choice but to tell the truth as accurately as I can. And then, once my detailed monologue ends... they don't know what to answer and conversation dies. Sometimes literally - when I chat with people on Internet chat they often just close the chat window as soon as they read my answer... How rude!

Depends on who I am talking with. Generally though, I too hate small talk and even most conversations with other people. I rarely answer my phone when it rings. Just let it go to voicemail and then will respond by email or text when I have time to think about what I want to say. Small talk just seems so pointless - I find it hard to respond to someone else's comments when I have no interest in what they say. I also find that by the time I process what someone is saying and get ready to respond, they have already moved on to a different topic. Hearing multiple people talk is the worst for me, as I can't focus on what any one individual person is saying. I'm ok talking with a few close friends or family members since I know them and feel comfortable around them. But I get easily overwhelmed with any conversations.

steelmaiden, to answer, I'd list the same things that you did. I'm fine with a small amount of texting if there is a reason. Also, I like communicating via email when it is with a friend. I'm fine with strangers, such as at a check-out for a few minutes. Chatting for the point of chatting, (what IS that anyway?) or worse yet, when it seems like someone is "digging for personal details" about my life; shuts me down. Blech. BTW, your dad's visit sounds like a really nice time.

Depends on the day, some days I'm insecure about my ability so I avoid it, some days I'm just bitter and apathetic so I avoid it, and some days I try to.

I find it boring to talk most of the time

talking is a good way to pass the time and learn new things

i think it was ben franklin who said something like "better to be silent and be thought stupid than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."

I prefer dr. seuss' take on it- "be who you are and say what you feel, because the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter."

I love to talk, at least when it's with sensible people with good manners. I can't talk with emotional people for long. We just don't speak the same language. I do have a bit of issues with auditory processing, so I'm not a good listener. DH says I sound really smart when I'm talking, but seem slow and dumb when I'm listening. I know that I'm fine with giving presentations but terrified of people asking questions. I still prefer any information that matters written down. But general chattering that don't really matter with pleasant people is just fine. I probably break social rules left and right but I rarely feel self-conscious about them. If others feel uncomfortable that's their problem.

I like conversations. I like social connection. And I like people. But what stops me from talking or speaking up is social anxiety.

Today at work a colleague of mine was having across-the-room conversations with a visitor whom she didn't really know. And I wish I could do that to a stranger. I know in my head how to have conversations, how to connect and I can recognize non-verbal social cues easily. But I'm too shy, and it's almost impossible for me to have conversations with someone across the room. I'm not monotone, but I have a quiet voice due to shyness, so I always think the other person won't hear me. Also I don't have very good hearing myself, and I get anxious if I can't hear someone properly. Also I need to be close enough to someone to be able to see their face properly. Seeing a person's facial expressions during a conversation makes me feel less anxious and more confident for some reason.

I came up with an analogy that helps me: small talk is like small change. If you went around with only larger denomination banknotes in your pocket you would have a hard time buying a coffee if there was no change to help the transaction take place. Likewise you wouldn't want to save up your pennies to buy a car for cash. Small talk helps the bigger stuff happen when it needs to and has an important place. I kind of like it anyway, it helps me to feel in contact with people to some degree and can be a safe way of interacting once you know the expectations, fun even. Banter and BS are good social lubricants.

To be honest it's the bigger stuff I'm liable to have more problem with as in most people's world it invariably sooner or later seems to come to emotions, stuff about 'how are you feeling?' and crap like that, there's where I have the biggest problem. Articulating my inner world in ways that others can understand is just about my biggest difficulty in life.

Phone calls are awful though, I don't really do them. I've always been able to express myself through writing much better than I can talk so online stuff, emails etc are fine for me.