How exactly do NT's make friends?

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Most obvious difference between NT's and aspies from a social perspective is that NT's seem to play "the game" to get to know other people better, whereas aspies get caught up in the actual "game".

There's pretty much always a game, whether it's explicit or implicit, if you're at a bar maybe it's dancing, if you're playing monopoly, cards, soccer, at work it's working, when you go shopping it's finding a good deal. There's always a "game".

For example, NTs poker players range from serious and competitive to laid back and talkative. But they are all there either to make friends or measure up against someone else, it's all about the individuals they are playing with, the cards and chips are merely a facilitator, a kind of social lubricant.

Aspies play Poker and their reactions go from an intense focus on the poker chips and the arrangement of the different symbols on the cards to those that just want to put a bullet in their heads out of boredom. Noone is really caring about the people and generally winning isn't number 1 on the priority list either, although not losing many times is because of the sheer fascination. When I play poker I'm so focused on the flow of the actual game I forget that the people I'm playing with even exist.



Coincidentally, I think a lot of aspies approach socialization as just another task, another "game" to be played, which is weird for NT's who see this as a totally separate and spontaneous thing that arises from the game.

I feel like that's a pretty clever way to put it.

In my experience, the way most people make friends is simply because they have a much broader definition of a friend than I do.

My definition of "friend" is pretty narrow.

My definition of "someone I know" is pretty broad.

It's funny about the whole idea of what appeals to people is talking about their problems, using their name a lot, always agreeing with them (Dale Carnegie). I hate hearing my name used in conversation, I don't like being agreed with if I think the other person is not being honest about their opinion, and I don't want to talk about my personal health problems or whatever unless I bring it up.

When I went to school as a kid there were actually some other kids I befriended naturally and others not so much, although they never seemed to understand how I needed "alone time" even when I was in a yard full of them. I was really good at drawing cartoons as a kid so a lot of other kids were interested in me for that reason and sometimes I liked it and other times it was hard to draw a picture when several pairs of eyes are staring down at you. I guess it's the same as when you go to work or a party, you just start talking with other people (maybe) and then you start to form a friendship, although it's not the same as being a kid where you're seated next to another child and then you like them instantly even though you don't even know them. When you're an adult you just don't say "Hi I'm (insert name here), wanna be friends?"

I've started up friendly two-way conversations with people I've just met but that's just someone I probably won't see again any time soon, like the cab driver or someone in the waiting room at the dentist. I remember once starting up a chat with a guy at Value Village who was browsing the toy section because he was interested in GI Joe figures while I was looking for troll dolls. Later my case worker who'd brought me to the store criticized me for talking about troll dolls more than what he liked. So I guess the only for me to have friends is to pretend I'm as interested in what nonsense they're into, but they can't pretend to be into what I like ... not that I'm completely uninterested in GI Joe figures, it's cool when any adult I meet likes to collect toys.

In the past I asked my mother why it seemed so much easier to make friends when you're a kid but making new friends as an adult was hard. My parents still have friends they've known since their childhood but then again their friends didn't have to move halfway across the country to have a life like nearly everyone I went to school with.

Yes theres a secret code in a book that only neurotypicals are allowed to read. No one the spectrum is allowed to read the book which is why we can't make friends. Everybody goes by this code, which is often seen as hidden. It is a book neurotypicals have grown up reading.

We Spectrumites have the means and the mind to break that "code"!

Amen to that. I think I understand NT communication better than they do. I could write that manual and I don't think they could even write the table of contents.

But...uh...putting it into practice convincingly is a different story.

wtf your avatar is both a tree and a dancer.

Yes, it is. Isn't it effin' wonderful.