Gender Confusion

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I would do as you first instinct said - wait a bit. A mothers first instinct is usually the best guideline!

I used to want being a boy (and wear pants only, climb trees etc) since pretty early age (2 - 3yrs old) until I met my first boyfriend - because I didn't fit in with girls.
I still don't really fit in with girls … but I definitely prefer men as partners so - I'm definitely not a boy/ man!

So it may be just a fit in thing. Or a role try-out.

Bullying usually comes with certain bitterness and unwillingness to discuss it (being 'odd' I was bullied too) - you can ask next day things like 'Do you think it's better to be a girl?' 'Do you think girls are happier?' and see the responses.

I wouldn't rush with gender confusion thing unless you see other signs, like preference for girly behavior, interest in beautifying oneself etc coming up. There are NOT that many actually transgender children around...

There are lots of men who prefer other men as partners (macho guys, too, not just the effeminate stereotype of homosexuals). Sexual orientation and gender are not the same thing.

I also wanted to say to the OP:

To address any possible confusion about gender, I think the best thing to do is to talk to him about how what activities you are good at, how you act, the things you like, and even what you look like aren't what determines whether you're a boy or a girl. Tell him this very explicitly and give him examples of people in real life who defy traditional gender roles or gender stereotypes in some way (if you can talk about people he knows or people who may be similar to himself, that's probably even more helpful), and explain how they are still men/women. If he understands these things and has no problem accepting them, feels he can do what he likes and be who is regardless of gender, it's less likely to be confusion.

Thanks for all of your responses! F9, I think I am leaning towards waiting a bit longer. Since my son is almost 10 and has never once asked to put on girl's clothes, and he doesn't really gravitate toward girly things, I am thinking maybe it is just a phase. I will definitely stay in tune with him, but in the meantime, I think I will let it sit. He does love to make up silly things and stories and he doesn't really have any close friendships, so who knows, maybe he is just throwing out ideas. I do want to try to get him involved in more physical fitness type activities though to build up his confidence in himself.

I would like to point out that not all transgender kids show behavior stereotypical for the gender they identify as. Just as some born girls are 'tomboyish', some transgender girls are too. And some transgender kids would like to do stuff typical of their gender identity, but feel inhibited by the expectations placed on them to act like their birth gender.

What would more be a clear sign of transgender is if a child starts saying he/she hates his/her genitalia or wants the other gender's genitalia, or expresses discomfort with other gender-specific bodily features.

I would try asking your child, being careful not to hint at a particular answer, but say something like 'how do you feel about your body?' Ask about the body in general, then different specific body parts, and throw in 'penis' (or whatever he calls it) just like it's any other body part.

I don't think transgender = gender confusion. They generally seem pretty clear on what their gender is.

I don't think that stereotypically gendered behavior is the best indicator of whether a child is transgender. What the child says about him or herself is a much better guide than favorite colors, toys, how one dresses, etc. This should not be used to rule out the possibility of a child being transgender. What matters most is what the child says.

There are fewer transgender children than there are autistic children, but there are still millions of transgender people alive today, so they're not that rare.

At least one study has found a higher correlation between autism and being transgender than among the general population.

And...Ettina made at least a couple of these points better than I did, and before I did.

I don't remember much about myself when I was that young. Throughout my life I've tried to be a girly stereotype, but it didn't quite work out due to my body image problems.

I don't know. I'm defiantly not a female stereotype.