What is it beneath the social masks?

Post Reply New Topic

To answer the OP question. One of the biggest problem with cognitive/mask wearing, social faking, is that it doesn't benefit you, it's just the other person you are trying to impress that is benefiting from it. When NT's socialize with each other. They reinforce each others feeling. When you fake it with the mask and put on a show for the other person. All you're doing is satisfying the other person needs, but the other person is not satisfying your needs. And that's where it all breaks down.

I don't completely agree, i had many benefits from these masks: I had a great success at work for 7 years, without overadaptation skills i would never fit in (superficially). And finding a job is really important in life. Now i'm wondering what i can do as I'm not able to overadapt like before. I was told by a specialist that I came to cognitive saturation.
My mistake was to push too hard on overadaptation, what led to crash.

But with friends you are totally right, no need to be someone else.

@ The Phénix: I'm French from France, Europe.

@ AspieUtah: no, you did understand the question It's pleasant to read that you use the exact same expression 'auto-pilot' as for some things i overadapt without thinking too, I usually think auto-pilote mode!

So i'm a kind of Dr Jekyll & Hyde in my personnality as I'm socially so adapted in some situations, really unadapted in others (skills i've lost) and then private life with relatives.

To give an example, it's been a year than i'm not able to shake hands anymore, I don't kiss people when i meet them (here in France people kiss to say hi in friendly circles). I know if i force myself i'll feel bad because of the contact for hours, so...

Yes! you can and do benefit by indirect means. Otherwise, we wouldn't be wearing them. it's the direct stuff that I was talking about in my previous post.



When you live the theatrical life, all your life. It's gonna take a toll on you. And as you get older, it's only gonna get worse. you will start hating the masks, costumes and being on stage. If you can't just be the person that God made you to be. It tears you up on the inside to the point where you don't even know who you are anymore.

It's like abusing a high interest rate credit card. You don't realize the damage you've done until you get the bill.



With all the open intimacy over on that country. I'm suprized that hadn't drove you crazy. I was over there in 2006 and that was way too much for me.

Yes, in my teen years, I too wore mask upon mask, well planned and tailored to let the true me seep out in small portions, not overt enough to provoke an attack. That was, what I intended, but of course I couldn´t pull off such an act. I ended up totally confused about who I really was and with very little belief in my own acceptability.
The confusion went on in my adult years and I more or less felt, that I became the person whose manner I incidentally copied. (I still experience this, but at a harmless level).
I can see now, that it was the result of pain from rejection and an attempt at social adaptation by an intellectual approach instead of an intuitive.
I wonder, what a non autistic person would answer to the same question.

Well I guess that NTs, who have masks too use them as a pure convention. I think that lying and faking is not that hard to them, it's only a way of living in society.

The TV show Desperate Housewives explains very well why people smile falsely, which are the interests and stakes for the society. Bree Van de Kamp is the master in behaving in all situations with a smiling everything-is-fine mask.

I think it's good to have an ability to perform when needed, but to structure your life so that you only need to perform either for small periods regularly or even infrequently. The majority of our time, ideally, we would be allowed to be ourselves. I think that means having family and friends who accept you as you are and a job that lets you be alone a lot.

I say this because I really believe we have only one life and that we should 1) live our life as we are, on our own terms and 2) be a productive member of society.

For me, being alive is about exploring knowledge, about expressing myself through art, and about enjoying small moments. It's not about competition or loud parties or controlling groups of people -- though that may be what other people want out of life. They can have that. I want something else.

And I used to live in France...I was not a fan of the constant touching when greeting people and the staring from men on the street. :/