Eye contact

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If he is autistic, he may not be able to hear what your saying when he looks at you. When you normally talk to him, does he cock his head to one side like he is straining to understand or to hear you? I know from personal experience that too much imput is confusing. You need to find out why he does it and not worry about what anyone else thinks. It could also change day to day.

NO! Don't force him to make eye contact. He doesn't want to make eye contact because he sees no purpose in it.
I don't make eye contact not becuase I am avoiding the other person or hiding something, but becuase I can't read peoples eyes. I listen to what the other person is saying without making eye contact I communicate to the other peron without eye contact. Making eye contact in both these circumstances doesn't make my communication any better, I can't look at somebody while talking because I feel like I am forcing myself into an area that I can't understand.

If you successfully force him to make eye contact, he will undoubtfully encounter stress, make him more aware of himself and cause your son to make wrong gestures to other people.
I once forced myself to make eye contact, the problem that I encountered was the timing issue of my eye contact. I wasn't sure how long I should make eye contact to another person and when to look away.
I didn't know the circumstances and conditions of when to look at somebody, I found that the whole ordeal too hard becuase I concentrated more on how I was perceived and my eye contact timing than the conversation.
I also made wrong gestures to female and male work staff, my mums partner and to my dad. My wrong timing eye contact issue caused me to give out the wrong signals to people. Basically it gave them the wrong impression, they thought I was flirting with them. It was terribly embarrasing for me becuase some older female staff responded positively to my wrong signals and obviously latter for the men. Terrifying and absolutely embarassing

If you don't want your son to flirt with you, then take my advice.

A psychologist put in my daughter's treatment plan that she would learn to make eye contact. I made him take it out, and told him it was totally unrealistic and that I'd rather she learn to fake it, whch both validates her discomfort and allows her to control herself. He smiled and said what do you mean fake it? I suggested she be taught to look at someone's forehead or something just beyond their face to give the appearance she was making eye contact and being "socially appropriate". He argued with me that this was something she had to work on! Well she doesn't, and she isn't. Professionals are out thre that don't have as much education as they should.

She has less trouble with brown eyes than other color eyes. Blue eyes creep her out. Babies creep her out because they tend to stare.

We tend not to sweat the small stuff, and pick our battles, this definitely is not one to pick.

I have trouble with eye contact too.

I would say no, i find that having a conversation with someone is hard enough and making eye contact with the person makes it even harder. If i try to make eye contact, i miss what the person was saying because i am trying too hard to maintain contact.

Dont force him, he will just get discouraged when he fails

Ok ok I get the message, after discussion we have decided that looking at the nose is the best method. It's not necessarily about wanting him to be anything other than comfortable and happy and to equip him with the skills to get by in life. I am not bad to him or a bad mother, I'm quite sure about that. But I taught my child to walk, to talk, to eat, to cook, to be independent so he can ultimately live without me. to me although this maybe a specific aspie trait it is just another skill for living - that is to communicate. Thanx to those that replied

No, don't force him to do that, that could lead to anxiety or resentment later on in life, or a greater fear of eye contact. There was always one particular teacher at school that used to have a real bee in her bonnet about eye contact. She would always say to me 'look at me when I am talking to you' and if I looked away she would grab hold of my head, I hated that.

If you are really that bothered, just remind him every so often to make a little bit of eye contact with people (just as a quick form of acknowledgement), particularly if he is directing a comment at them or starting a sentence or conversation (or if someone is directing something at him). Then for the rest of the conversation, he can look in another direction if it makes him feel more comfortable once the individuals concerned have been acknowledged by this small amount of eye contact. But don't force him, it won't do him any good in the long run.

Instead make him look at the nose or teeth as this'll be much easier for him

I say yes, make him have eye contact, but don't force him to always do it, just to the extent where he feels comfortable.

NO.

If he cannot then it is sufficient that eye contact is at least bothersome for him. Why inflict pain? He is not NT so do not force him to behave disingenuously. You know the research (I hope). However, as an insider, I will tell you why I cannot (below). Do you truly need to force him just to placate your NT expectations? Why is that? THINK.

I do not usually reveal this, but here's why for me: To look into another's eyes is like looking into a solar eclipse. Understood?

Here's another thought: You're just his mother, not an all-knowing being. In other words: Who died and made you God? How can you possibly "know" eye contact is in fact desirable, other than it's just a societal normality? By analogy, this is sort of like telling an amputee, "Come on, just get and walk." You cannot dictate to another or even know what it is to be autistic. Perhaps you have a lot of learning ahead of you &/or compassion to grow. Are you up to the challenge?

Incidentally, look at my forum profile, or anyone else's here, for that matter. Do we truly seem "disabled" to you? I am grateful for what I have been given. True, being autistic is hard, but I am enhanced as well. I know, for certain, other WP members are gifted in their own right!

Do not judge when you do not have the data. Are you confident in your assessment? What assumptions are you making? I analyze and interpret data so your posed question is indicative of unsufficient evidence. What are your motives? THINK.

Instead of trying to change your child (which is futile anyway), why don't just accept and love him? Maybe you could concentrate on removing his obsacles instead of forcing him to do something painful.

THINK.

NO! And everyone here was much too polite to you.

I'd never imagined such clarity from you. Must be REALLY angry.

I don't know why some people seem to have read, or are intentionally trying to find the meaning that i do not like my son. That to me is way off the mark. I think it would make life easier for my son if he could be more engaged when he is speaking. When he talks and no-one listens it hurts him and it hurts his feelings, people are sometimes not aware that he is talking at all, because he doesn't even face them. I don't care where he looks, why the hell should I, he is my son and I understand him perfectly well. I think to create an analogy of me trying to play god, because i am trying to help my son but have not done it in a way that you think is the right way is a completely over the top reaction - What would be preferred? That I dogmatically do things my way and never question. I do not understand why I am recieving some harsh criticism from the ones that have done so and you know who you are lab_pet, krex, inventor et al.
Maybe the question I posed was not phrased properly, I was actually asking if I should continue or if there were any alternatives some responses have been useful. My son loves me the way I am and I love him the way he is, although he does try and stop me smoking, and cheers me up, when I feel down, and tries to stop me buying an extra chocolate bar because he knows I'll really regret it in an hours time,we do all sorts to help make each others lives better.
You are....annoyed because I didn't know. You are annoyed.... because I asked, you are annoyed.....because.... a lot of the annoyance doesn't even seem relevant to what I originally posted, I just seem to be a convenient place for people to vent.

To Lab_pet

NO!

My dad used to force me to do that, as a child and he was the parent that I've feared, the most as well. I run into conflicts with domineering men to this day, because of that.

My parents also thought that they could get me to lose my Cockney accent and turn me into a typical Canadian, by telling me not to talk though my nose. To this day, I hate Canadian and American accents, because I associate them with plainness, I'm very quiet around my parents, though I'm a chatterbox when I'm out with my friends or at my clubhouse, and I'm twenty times as Cockneyfied, as I was when I was being told not to talk through my nose, twenty years ago, at the age of twelve.