Why is it so hard for NTs to accept a Special Interest

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I do not think that no one expects neurotypicals to not alter their interests, it seems a fraudulent 'us vs them' thing to suggest it only goes that way. I see people wanting changes from other people all the time.



I did not say that they should change their interest with the purpose of satisfying everyone else. I was saying that to try something else could expand their own horizons and that someone else could be telling them that with that same idea in mind. No one said you were saying they ought to not conform for the sake of not conforming either. No one assumed the worst extremes of having a special interest as being the only possibility. You seem to have assumed the worst as if you thought the OP's interest was under attack. It was not.



Already described in my first post as much as I have an opinion on it, which is only based on my own experience and perception.


Ok

I am still confused as to why you think I was specifically referring to one of your posts, as far as I can tell it wasn't your posts that gave that impression anyways.... It seemed a couple people NOT you suggested they should change it...sorry you felt attacked by my post, I'll just leave this thread before I piss anyone else in it off.

Zombiebride, so what is your conclusion?

I thought about it and read everyone's comments and now I think they may want me to expand my horizons and get different or better interests. They want me to have the ability to leave my comfort zone, which honestly I can't do, the reason why I have a special interest is because I can't handle things like socializing, unexpected events and bright lights and loud noises.

I thought about it and read everyone's comments and now I think they may want me to expand my horizons and get different or better interests. They want me to have the ability to leave my comfort zone, which honestly I can't do, the reason why I have a special interest is because I can't handle things like socializing, unexpected events and bright lights and loud noises.

People often call me childish because a long running Special Interest of mine has been Venom (cartoon character).

Although I do have a childhood friend, that while not a venom buff, enjoys comics. He would let me drone on for hours about Venom and actually look happy about it, even contacting me when he learned something about Venom I might not know. Having this outlet made a world of difference to me.

My girlfriend doesn't understand it, but accepts it. Even buying me Venom stuff I don't yet have. I know she tries to understand it, but realistically a serious obsession with a cartoon character at age 30 is really left of field and even I can accept that.

Having a special interest can be grounds for divorce?

There's so many things I find stupid about this world and its inhabitants that I shouldn't be surprised to hear that, but I'll wager anyone who divorces their spouse because they have a special interest is merely using it as the excuse because the marriage is unsatisfactory in other ways. Who'd want to spend their life with someone who didn't approve and endorse their special interests anyway?

ZombieBrideXD, if drawing Sonic is something you enjoy then don't let ANYONE on this planet tell you not to draw him. Better yet ask them if they approve knowing full well they don't as an excuse to laugh in their faces for having the temerity to think they can tell you what you should or shouldn't draw in the first place!

You're young, so you're probably still in two minds about trusting other people to make decisions on your behalf. You've been brainwashed for years to believe they know best, that they know you better than you know yourself, when the reality is that nobody has more experience at being you than you do.
If life has taught me anything its that if something feels good and doesn't involve injecting something into your arm, putting yourself in physical danger or breaking the law then you should probably do it. Yes its good to moderate things, but if you have Autism or Aspergers you already have the perfect excuse to be mindlessly obsessive about doing the things you love so why not get some mileage out of that?

Life is pretty crap, do what you can to enjoy it I say.

It's hard to argue with that, and makes it harder to refuse their suggestions when you understand they're making them for your benefit, but remind yourself they're trying to help you in the ways they think you need to be helped which may or may not be what you want or need.

More the point, drawing Sonic doesn't necessarily have to prevent you having a social life. It could even help you expand the one you have if you reach out to others who enjoy drawing or painting him.
I really don't like the idea that people should encourage you to turn away from activities that help you feel grounded because as someone with Autism I know how desperately important it is to have things like that to cope with all the other stuff.

Hmm just a thought, if you like to draw sonic I imagine you've gotten quite good....so do not stop doing that, however maybe its possible to draw other things as well. That is sort of what I mean by branching out that I mentioned earlier...like if there are skills you have related to your special interest you can expand that...but still stay true to your interests and expressing yourself. Also think about this....if you've ever had anyone who accepts your interest and even if they aren't particularly interested in it they still listen to you talk about it and maybe even try to get into it a bit more themselves......well other people can also feel that if you only talk about sonic around someone who has other interests then they might feel well 'left out' especially if they make efforts to respect your passion and it seems you make no return effort to maybe at least be open minded to some of theirs it can hurt their feelings. Of course there are always people that will criticize others for their interests or anything else, but that is not always why people criticize.

"the reason why I have a special interest is because I can't handle things like socializing, unexpected events and bright lights and loud noises."

This sentence implies so much. Firstly, no one in this thread, IIRC, said you should socialize more or go outside more. There's expanding your horizons and then there's changing your life around completely. Like, if I compared your situation to if an NTs, given what your baseline is for low stimulus being lower than that for other people, compared to an NT who was always doing the same thing, it would be like suggesting skydiving as a good alternative to obsessively reading. Pretty ridiculous. Finding another show or video game that you might be drawn to would not involve handling any of the things you said you don't like.

Secondly, you've declared that a reason for your interest is not actually interest but rather avoidance. This is the sort of thing that I was getting at. (Granted, I only got out of my comfort zone when something came to me, not the other way around of me seeking it out, so I know how that goes too. Also I could scarce ignore falling in love.)

Thirdly, a lot of people in the thread have explicitly told you 'don't pay attention to them and just do your own thing', there has not been a consensus drawn, even if you perceive one.

Oh, also, I own a gaming store. All the old people who come in looking for the books we also carry are totally dumbfounded by it, while we cater to lots of people for whom playing a game or games is what they do with their past-times. We can make you a sonic out of perler beads if you'd like :-p I do not think that there are wrong hobbies, people who do are just dumb.

I also think that small-focus hobbies are an autistic thing, not so much weird things, but it is true that I am suggesting that you consider a larger focus for your hobby which might also just not be how your mind works. Maybe if you found another thing to draw/watch/play that would crowd out all the sonic, and wouldn't be so much an expansion but a replacement, to which I see no benefit except if you've gotten bored of sonic.

Sorry sweetleaf. I am too argumentative.

"the reason why I have a special interest is because I can't handle things like socializing, unexpected events and bright lights and loud noises."


Go hang out with some other nerds! There's a big Sonic fandom on the internet, maybe you could find a meetup & make some new friends IRL who share your interest.

Sure, but what I meant was, if the special interest leads to the partner being ignored for hours on end at the drop of a hat, then it can amount to desertion. It's a question of degree. I've heard of ASD partners going into a world of their own to a ridiculous extreme, and it can get to a point where it's hard to see why they ever bothered to take on a partner in the first place, if all they want to do is live in their own heads.

My first marriage was much like that. I got so obsessed with multi-track recording that my wife hardly ever saw me, and she couldn't get me to give her any attention at all. I never meant it to be that way. By the end of the marriage she was practically tearing her hair out over it, and her desperate attempts to get me to just give her a bit of time only made me panic and withdraw from her even more.

The brains of neurotypicals are deficient in synaptic connectivity. As a result of this, sensory inputs to a neurotypical neural network are passed through fewer processing elements (neurons), resulting in the known neurotypical deficiency in attention to detail. Another unfortunate result of the neurotypical condition is the inability to appreciate repetition, as their neural circuitry is insufficiently complex to detect novelty arising from subtle and gradual variation. Hence their incapacity to accept a special interest.

You might drain the well of Sonic dry someday, and move on to another special interest. You may not. But neurotypicals lack the neural hardware required to even try, so they don't understand.

You can leave your comfort zone. You won't fall down and die by just stretching the safety net a tiny bit. You're stronger and more capable than you think. It's really hard, I know, and I rarely socialize and hate bright lights/loud noises, but it's important to nourish and grow your comfort zone by trying new things...there was something I tried that worked for me; however it may not work for you: I was obsessed with Tom Waits when I was seventeen, and knew it was a problem because my family informed me when I was little that obsessing over one tiny thing and dismissing everything else is generally not healthy. So instead of running away from my Tom Waits obsession, I indulged in it by reading about his life, his interests, and his musical influences. I'd find three musicians who Tom Waits loved and I'd force myself to read everything about them. What kept me going was even though they weren't Tom Waits, they were connected to him in some way. I'd read the books he read as well. Tom Waits was a huge fan of Jack Kerouac and Charles Bukowski, so I started reading Jack Kerouac and Charles Bukowski and became a huge fan of them myself. My interests spread from exclusively Tom Waits to Jack Kerouac, Tom Waits, and Charles Bukowski in equal portions. My mind was more enriched because of it, and life was less depressing.

NT's fear obsessionality and they view your SI as such.

Tell them to F-off.

The simple answer is NT's are fine with special interests. They do this all the time. We're not THAT much different.

The difference between us and them is that while we both are always looking out for #1, residents of NT-land are more apt to embrace human connectedness, the principle that what benefits us all will ultimately benefit us as individuals. They learn quickly that human beings are born not for ourselves, but for the whole world. We aspies, on the other hand, fail to see the point of putting the best interests of others ahead of our own. And not that NT's are perfect either. But generally the way people relate to each other is first understanding the depth of human selfishness and then acting to satisfy the needs and desires of others. Look at the most popular, wealthy, powerful, and influential people out there and you'll see people who are EXCEPTIONALLY good at delivering what people want.

Apply same to your Sonic the Hedgehog interest. Don't ask "what harm does it do anyone else?" Rather, ask "what good does it do anyone else?" If your Sonic preoccupation benefits no one but yourself, people will view it as a useless waste of time and energy.

Now, turn that around. Take your Sonic preoccupation beyond the game. Are you blogging about Sonic? Are you posting YouTube vids, walk-throughs, other instructional/informal web content? If you do that, are you REGULARLY releasing new content and running ads on them? Are you organizing Sonic-related gaming events in your area? Do you attend gaming conventions or Sonic conventions specifically, or if those don't exist, do you organize them yourself? Do you trade Sonic-related merchandise for profit, make/sell costumes for Sonic-related cosplay? Write/publish fanfic? If you do any number of those things, NOW you're taking it beyond a preoccupation and framing it as a service to others who share your interest. You fill a need or desire. NT's can relate to that. Now, they may not accept that as something that's legit, but nobody HAS to. I don't consider Windows to be a legit operating system, but so what? If you're out there building a business around a video game character, helping people with like interests, and you're doing better and have more freedom than MBA's who can't get out of their mothers' basements, or even 30-year wage-slaves, then people are ultimately going to respect you and think you're some kind of twisted genius.

I'll be honest here…I'm only now catching on myself. I'm a musician, part of a sub-culture that has always lived among the chronically poor. At one point I ran in some fairly prestigious circles in my area, and then times changed, things went sour with jobs, etc. People in charge of the non-credit program at the community college where I work dropped the ball and I'm down to ONE student, whereas my competitors are doing well. I ended up taking care of a 3-year-old full-time to cut daycare expenses. So, all in all, I'm potty training and feeding the little one, which leaves a VAST amount of time during the day. When I finally chose to stop feeling sorry for myself, I came to realize there are other musicians out there, all over the internet, and they've either been where I am or they're there right now. So I made a point of writing and producing music, sharing it through social media, and connecting with other musicians and fans. Then something weird happened…my views on YouTube went from barely over 100 views/month to, as of today, just over 600. My future plans are to gauge what people are listening to and start delivering content for licensing in hopes of making some REAL money so I can do a much better job helping more people than I can at the moment. I'm not really trying to attract attention to myself. That's just a consequence of helping people out.

Focus your preoccupation in such a way that it benefits others, and you'll be amazed how differently people respond to it (and you).