Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Do you not offer other people things?

Page 2 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,280
Location: Pacific Northwest

24 May 2015, 11:03 am

screen_name wrote:
I would give the cold coke to the other person. Like CV2, my personal feelings about the person would not change my actions.

However, my husband does complain about me doing this type of thing from time to time. So, I'm guessing it has more to do with wether or not I was specifically taught some form of etiquette regarding each scenario and if I regard the scenario as applying to what I was taught. I *was* taught to offer the best option to others, especially guests.

An example where I fall short:
(This one happened recently)

My husband made dinner and set plates out on the table. He called everyone to come eat.

I noticed that there wasn't a fork at my plate, so I grabbed one and sat down at the table.

My husband asked me if I thought anyone else might be needing a fork or if I was the only one. I was very embarrassed, but got up and got forks and then drinks for everyone.

I was not intending to be rude at all. I was very embarrassed when it was pointed it out to me. It just simply didn't cross my mind. ...which is what I think you were talking about, right?



I do this too and it never occurs to me to do it for other people.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

24 May 2015, 11:47 am

I've just read the fork story, and I do that kind of thing too!



UnturnedStone
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2015
Age: 39
Posts: 325
Location: Australia

24 May 2015, 10:48 pm

It's a tough question to answer, if I hadn't observed NT behavior I would take the cold can for myself, because I would have figured if they wanted it, they would have already gotten it for themselves.

However, having observed NT behavior all my life and being told I am cold and selfish, I am more aware of these things, and attempt to be a "decent" person.

My GF would get the cold coke without question, friends on the other hand... they would be lucky I am offering them a drink in the first place (if they asked that is a different matter).

I will often unintentionally do something for myself and not others, it just doesn't cross my mind.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,646
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

25 May 2015, 12:45 am

I would take the warmer can. I've been told on many occasions that I'm polite.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


msnoname
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2015
Posts: 26

25 May 2015, 2:27 pm

It doesn't always occur to me that I should have offered someone something until I'm eating right in front of them, and even then I often need someone to point it out to me. I did it recently to a friend of mine actually. Our other friend asked if I could make her a grilled cheese, so I made one for her and myself, and it never crossed my mind that maybe the other friend might have wanted one as well until I was almost done my sandwich. He drove us to the grocery store for the ingredients.



Random42
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 360

25 May 2015, 2:47 pm

If I knew the other person also wanted a coke, I would give them the cold one. For some reason I think it tastes better straight from the can (it is fizzier) than when in a glass, so I would not split the cold one but would take the warm one. Likely, I would put the warm one in the freezer for 30 minutes and drink some water until then.

However, I would only known the other person wanted a coke if they asked for it... so if they didn't ask for it, I would probably take the cold coke without thinking of offering either coke to the other person.

It is only recently that I noticed NTs will spontaneously offer drinks even if the other person hadn't asked so I would probably forget to do so.



nerdygirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,645
Location: In the land of abstractions and ideas.

25 May 2015, 4:35 pm

When I have guests, I usually remember to ask if they would like something to eat or drink. It's one of those social graces I learned & memorized.

However, I am more forgetful regarding the people I live with. Things like the "fork story" happen to me all the time. Sometimes, I remember to do nice things like offer to make my husband a cup of coffee.

I will do things for people regardless of whether or not I like them. I may not OFFER things to people I don't particularly like, but I won't refuse to do a favor *just because* I don't like someone.

I also never agree with someone just because I like them! I am quite able to disagree with anyone, regardless of our relationship. I suppose that some people interpret my disagreement as communicating that I dislike them (not true!). I had never thought about that. But I think other people are glad to know that I can still like them, even if we disagree. That allows them to be their true selves around me, and I around them.