Passive aggressiveness...that is unconscious?

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When people are familiar or close, they drop many of the polite social conventions and are more willing to communicate bluntly with each other, but that is not passive aggressiveness, and I consider it a positive rather than negative, I don't want to deal with fake niceties from people close to me.

Close people often insult each other, it's not really a passive aggressive thing, more of a we are close and know each other really well including each other's foibles thing.

Dianthus I have thought about this type of attitude especially with close relations.

This girl irritated me in many ways, and I found myself being quite negative towards her; but there was nothing obvious that irritated me, and it became more and more difficult to even be polite to her.
One day it dawned on me why I was feeling this way, she reminded me, of a younger me, and had an outlook that was similar to one I held in my teenage years. I stopped feeling negatively about her, she was not annoying me, it wasnt her issues fueling the passive aggression, she was reminding me of my unresolved issues.

It is impossible for me to tell from others' descriptions whether something is made up or overblown in their heads, esp. if there is no eggsample. Even with eggsamples, people often describe situations in ways biased towards what they already perceived and judged to be the case in that situation, so it is generally still hard to tell.

But when you start thinking that way about another person's experience, isn't it a bit invalidating of them? Not everyone all the time perceives things wrongly, even on the spectrum.

I've seen a discussion elsewhere (another site) in which everyone was arguing about perception and memory and reality, and basically one person was opining that those three more or less never have anything to do with each other. So he was basically saying that nothing anyone remembers about anything or perceives about any situation can ever be the truth or accurate.

I call bullsh!t on that stance. Because, although research does indeed show that human perception and recollection can be flawed and colored by many factors, research has also shown that people do have a capacity for not just putting everything through a filter of their own perception.

Sometimes something is exactly as it seemed. Sometimes someone is being a passive aggressive ass and the "victim" is correct in knowing what's happening.

I think it's deeply invalidating to always say to someone "Well I don't know what really happened so I'm going to reserve judgment because YOU might be wrong about the whole thing."

That's really insulting. I give people the benefit of the doubt. If someone says someone wronged them and they've figured out it was not in fact accidental, I will believe it and respect what they are relaying to me unless or until there is evidence that are deluded.

The opposite approach reminds me of the bad old days when women were not believe if they reported they were raped. Or children not believed if they spoke up about molestation.

In my own case I know my so-called friend and I know exactly what he was doing. What you think about that is immaterial, because you weren't there, don't know him, and don't know me. So how can you form an opinion that I may or may not be incorrect? You just have to take my word for it unless some other information comes along directly associated with the incident.