Appropriate response to low-level mocking
I am going through this kind of low-level mocking on a daily basis. Whenever this happens i just stare at them, smile, and tell them that i am impressed by their wits. The uncomfortable feeling they experience that is caused by me staring at them is usually enough to make them stop. It doesn't work all the time, but at least they will temporarily stop doing this because of being confused.
So i basically use one of my "flaws" as a tool against bullies.
What i still cannot handle is them laughing at me for no apparent reason. Mostly it is due to me acting weirdly in social situations or saying things in a very monotone voice that makes me sound "like a robot". I try to mask it by doing some sort of comedy of the situation. Of course i don't wanna be seen as a joker in this situation, but since they laugh anyway it is best to keep doing that than to feel aggravated by them.
I am grateful for any other solutions that might help.
I don't know how to handle that neither.
Once I was at the policestation to make a complaint, I got ridiculed and they let in another can of policeofficers to take a good laugh. Some days later buying a newspaper, there was a short guy next to me who was quite nervous, I took a look, it was that policeofficer who first made fun of me, ow he had shrunk a lot!
Falloy
I can't address your problem as I don't know how to deal with situations like this. I too am a middle aged man that is occasionally the subject of derisive comments, mocking or laughter. I have taken to avoiding interacting with others as much as possible, but don't suggest this as a solution.
I just wanted to say that I stand beside you and wish I could be more support. I wish I could say "I've go your back". Instead, all I can say is "that you are not alone".
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
I give them a cold stare like "excuse me?" looking down my nose at them. Then I just give a very, very light chuckle and smile and shake my head and turn away. I've made it clear that I know what they are doing and I'm laughing at them and I don't care. If they choose to engage me after that then all bets are off. They will either carry on with their small snide s**t and know that I know and I don't care so it won't matter or they will escalate and I'll put them in their place fast.
Also if they are teenagers or 20somethings I "mom" them. I go up to them and ask what that have to say. Then I give them a lecture I know they will laugh about later but they don't dare laugh at me while I'm doing it because of the mom tone and the fact that I'll easily find out their names in this town and call their parents. I've done that and will in a heartbeat and would welcome it if someone did that if my kid acted that way. Sure they will laugh about it later but they won't say a word when I'm talking to them.
Thats how I handle it.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
How about smiling at one of them and saying something like "Hey!, I remember you from the abortion clinic, how are you feeling?"
In situations like the one I described I feel that I have to be very careful with dealing with teenage girls - I am a middle aged man and they know that the power is with them. They can say that any response I make to them is inappropriate. I saw two girls using exactly this technique on a ticket inspector earlier in this week to avoid paying their fare.
I've also found in the past that making a witty comeback is worthless if you are responding to a group - again they have the power. I could respond with a cracking one liner that would make Oscar Wilde sit up and applaud but the group decides what's funny and what's not and I'm the victim in this situation and can't by definition be funny. You also have to respond on their level so it's no use coming out with some eloquent witticism when they only understand "**** off you ****ing ****er.""
As I said in my previous message I will I could just let this roll off me (and at my age I should be able to) but I can't.
I've often noticed that it can be strangely difficult for one male to go into battle against a group of females.
androbot01
Veteran
Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
These things are done subtly, so that the perpetrators can always deny they have done anything. Violence is clearly inappropriate. Asking if they have a problem with me will just provoke a denial and further laughter. I can try and ignore it but I will automatically blush and my body language will become very self conscious. They will know that they have won.
I really don't see this incident as being a big deal. Young girls in groups are often mean and excluding. I also seem to either evoke amusement or disdain in others. So what, big deal. If people look at me I look at them. If a response is called for, I'll respond, but to even consider violence in this situation is an over reaction.
I completely agree, though to be fair, boys can be absolute skunks too.
I think just a little bit of violence can work wonders, though one has to be extremely careful. A group of unruly kids sat in front of me on the bus, and it soon seemed pretty clear that they were trying to show the rest of the passengers that they could do exactly what they liked. You know the type? They didn't explicitly mock anybody, but they wouldn't get out of people's way, and made sudden movements and piercingly loud noises right next to people, implicitly taking the mickey. They were sitting in front of me. I whacked the ringleader round the back of the head with one of my leather gloves and told him to settle down and shut the f*** up (or words to that effect).
I'd taken quite a risk, but it turned out very well. The whole pack of them instantly quietened down and sniggered at the one I'd struck. They didn't cause any more trouble. There were no CCTV cameras on buses in those days. Apart from the risk of my method backfiring on me, I see nothing wrong with it. What I'd really like for such problems in the future is a trained wasp.
androbot01
Veteran
Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
I'd taken quite a risk, but it turned out very well. The whole pack of them instantly quietened down and sniggered at the one I'd struck. They didn't cause any more trouble.
Haha, sounds like you did the right thing in the situation.
I think the best response would be to genuinely be able to ignore it, to treat it like a minor annoyance like a barking dog or crying baby. To really believe that the person doing the mocking is immature and can't help what they're doing - any more than the dog or the baby can.
I absolutely can't do this though.I think this is because some part of my brain agrees that they are right. I've been told from an early age that I am funny-looking and weird and wrong in all of my views and interests.
How can I get rid of this voice though? How can I build my self esteem? I think I am falling into quite serious clinical depression and this is only making most of the people around me (my employer and my mum) angry. How can I get my groove back?