How did your family perceive Your autism?

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Lumi
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24 Jun 2015, 11:31 am

Very surprised as I was diagnosed. My parents learned to understand my special needs as visible disability.


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HighLlama
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24 Jun 2015, 4:46 pm

Proteus wrote:
He tried the “it’s all in your mind” gambit, but it didn’t upset me because I knew he was speaking from profound ignorance on this subject.


A phrase I truly hate, though I will admit that many of our feelings are based on perception. However, NT versus Autistic perception will obviously vary. And in most situations, the phrase just isn't helpful. It may be all in your head, but why?

Anyway, thank you for sharing!



Jensen
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24 Jun 2015, 5:46 pm

My parents are dead too, but my mom would have been interested, as she had always been on to "something" about me, right from the beginning - and was continually wondering about herself. When I disclosed to my niece, she just said, "Yeah, OK". She wasn´t exactly surprised, it seems. My brothers half brother (my sort-of bonus-brother) got extremely friendly, when I told him.....he is rather "spergy" himself.


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CockneyRebel
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25 Jun 2015, 12:28 am

My mum sees it as an illness that needs to be cured. My dad sees it as something that affects my intelligence, even though that's never been the case for me. I had a very rough time with my parents until I moved out on my own, 9 years ago. They were always at me for one thing or another, and my dad kept on stating the obvious to me about everything. I wasn't physically abused. However, there was a lot of verbal abuse when they were trying to raise the autism out of me. My parents should have both stopped when I turned 18, but my mum kept on persisting. I've never had ABA forced on me. What my parents - mum in particular did to me was almost as bad. Let's just say that I haven't talked to them in depth about any of my special interests since I was 10, and I have no plans on doing so, anytime soon.

My sister never gave me credit for having a brain and every time I tried to talk about anything to the entire family, she'd take over with her take on each topic and tried to make it sound as though she was the intelligent one, and I was the slow one who was clueless.


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25 Jun 2015, 1:27 am

My parents weren't surprised. They knew I was different and we're glad to put a name to it. My paternal grandmother said something very odd and I still don't know how to take it. She asked me if I knew I was pregnant with a child with AS or further on the spectrum would I abort it.



Jensen
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25 Jun 2015, 1:49 am

In the first place, you could tell her NO and explain why. She may be curious if you would risk having a severely handicapped child.


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0xalis
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25 Jun 2015, 2:09 am

I'm 19 now and we didn't know until I was 18. Their feelings on it are basically "that explains a lot."
Everyone just figured I was a problem child, but nobody ever thought to take me to a shrink. :roll:


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EdgySpirit
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26 Jun 2015, 6:23 am

Only my closest family and in-laws know so far. Initially they were sceptical- especially when being asked for supporting information.

However when we have discussed the signs they usually said "That explains a lot" and "I do that too!"

We think we may have a full house of aspies wife + 2 and strong traits on both my own and OH's family.


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Violetvee
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26 Jun 2015, 8:15 am

My family's pretty much OK with it as a whole, though it does get on their nerves sometimes. My parents knew there was something different about me when I was little, but since I'm the eldest they didn't have anything to compare it to until after my sisters reached those same points. They didn't even start thinking about it being a form of autism until a few years ago, when we were watching Alphas and they noticed how similar I acted to the (wonderfully-portrayed) high-functioning autistic character that was on the show. It was at that point my mom decided that I/we needed to try and get an official diagnosis for it.

That said, my mom is also of the opinion that her own father probably has Asperger's as well, which leads me to think it may run in her family. She's also worried about my future, since I have no idea on what I want to do anymore.


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nick007
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26 Jun 2015, 10:49 pm

My mom suspected me of being autistic as a toddler my my doc laughed & said "Nick's just being Nick". My parents didn't bother to try & get me diagnosed cuz they thought they would get dismissed without a good evaluation & they didn't see how a diagnoses would help me cuz there weren't any services or awareness in my area. Instead I got diagnosed as being dyslexic & having ADHD which I do have in addition to my Aspergers. I also have a rare low vision disorder I was born with that I wasn't diagnosed with till my senior year of high-school & I had sever skin eczema as a kid. My parents didn't dwell on my Aspergers much because of all my other issues & they didn't tell me anything about it till after I graduated high-school.


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EzraS
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27 Jun 2015, 2:24 am

I was very thoroughly diagnosed by the time I was two years old.
My dad is very accepting of my autism and acts like I'm the best kid in the world.
My mother seems clearly unhappy about it. She is a good mom as far as taking care of me goes, but seems obvious to me she's not happy about having an autistic child. Like really disappointed.



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27 Jun 2015, 8:58 am

EzraS wrote:
I was very thoroughly diagnosed by the time I was two years old.
My dad is very accepting of my autism and acts like I'm the best kid in the world.
My mother seems clearly unhappy about it. She is a good mom as far as taking care of me goes, but seems obvious to me she's not happy about having an autistic child. Like really disappointed.


Sorry about your mom. I hope you understand this is not a reflection of you, but an issue within herself which she has to deal with. Being undiagnosed, my family has no stigmatized label to agonize over, but have always hated the traits and "odd" behaviors they see in my dad and myself. It's tough being harassed out of love, especially when they don't understand how you think.



iliketrees
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27 Jun 2015, 9:20 am

The only people in my family who know about the possibility of me having autism are my parents.

They actually haven't said very much about it, really. Neither of them are surprised by the suggestion from mental health that I most likely am.

My dad doesn't seem bothered at all. As I've probably said before on WP, autism runs in his family and even those without autism do have the traits of it, though not at an impairment level. So it really doesn't change anything for him. I think my dad sort of gets me.

My mum, however, has nobody in her family who is autistic. If I am that'll be her first relative with autism. I don't think she's quite let on how much she is bothered by it. She hasn't told me very much. One thing she has said really has stayed with me. She said although I've been her daughter for 18 years, she doesn't really know or understand me or the way I think. She was crying telling that to mental health. She wants to understand but she just can't. She tries to find ways in which we're similar, tries to relate to me in any way she can. She's upset and doesn't feel like she's doing enough even though she's trying she just can't understand my mind. It does hurt and I want to help her understand but I don't know how to. :(



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27 Jun 2015, 11:57 am

iliketrees wrote:
My mum, however, has nobody in her family who is autistic. She said although I've been her daughter for 18 years, she doesn't really know or understand me or the way I think. She was crying telling that to mental health. She wants to understand but she just can't. She tries to find ways in which we're similar, tries to relate to me in any way she can. She's upset and doesn't feel like she's doing enough even though she's trying she just can't understand my mind. It does hurt and I want to help her understand but I don't know how to. :(

With all that insecurity going on, it´s difficult. It is in danger of becoming far more dramatic, than it ought to be.
I have following suggestions:

...that you perhaps found her text, a material, that could explain to her (without scientific details).
Go through it yourself and find out how you could explain and add to the text.

You need to clarify questions. If the question is blurry, the answer will be messy.
Ask her about incidents, that have made her feel, that she doesn´t understand.

She can´t understand your mind?
You could be curious about her mind. Ask her to explain how she thinks in certain situations. What she is thinking in situation this or that. Then you could compare.

Maybe she has a very intuitive-emtional approach, while you have a logical? That would be classical.

Perhaps it sounds naive, but it could create an entrance.


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SteelMaiden
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27 Jun 2015, 2:10 pm

My dad was the the one who spotted my autism and got me diagnosed privately (NHS waiting lists = long).

My mum, on the other hand, has been in denial about it ever since it became apparent (although she is slowly understanding bits of it). She used to find any reason possible to say I am not autistic, like "you smiled, you can't be autistic", "you lied to the psychiatrist to get discharged, that's clever so you can't be autistic", "you have a close friend, you can't be autistic" and all that bullsh*t she comes up with.

My dad encourages me to try and overcome parts of my autism, which can be annoying sometimes when he tries to get me to go to the supermarket with him (although he has thankfully stopped trying to get me to go to the theatre since the meltdown at the theatre), but he is the one who helped me settle down at university, he was all for me getting a support worker.

My mum often says "I wish you could be normal" to me. My dad says I am "unique and special to him".

My dad is a PhD in Civil Engineering (what an aspie course lol) and I've seen mild autistic traits in him. Although he is my role model as he went from living in a rural village in past Northern Cyprus to becoming the CEO of the biggest oil company in Cyprus, and generally being famous. My mum has done very little and fed off my dad until they got divorced.

My mum is an extreme NT.


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HighLlama
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27 Jun 2015, 3:06 pm

Does anyone have any NTs in their lives who resent the term "neurotypical"?