any aspies that CAN read facial expressions/gestures fine?

Post Reply New Topic

I look at it this way: we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

I've known people who seem purely "neurotypical" who either do not have the desire to, nor are unable, to discern what's going on emotionally (or even physically) with another person.

Reading facial expression is a skill that can be learned like everything else. We have eyes and we can see so we can learn what means what we see. We don't read it intuitively like NTs do but with enough practice we can learn to read them effectively. It's like learning foreign language.

Personally I can read facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures of a close one enough to tell whatever they are happy, normal, sad or angry as long as I focus on the cues. However if I don't pay attention I either won't realize a thing or just realize "something is off here" if their behavior is really unusual.

But with strangers all I can read are gestures and tone of voice (sometimes), if i focus. Facial expression doesn't do well with my prosopagnosia because to my memory someone happy is a different person than someone sulking even if they are actually the same person because the happy and sulking faces seem so different. I can never tell if what I see is an unfamiliar face expression of a familiar face or a natural face feature of an unfamiliar face.

I can read body language and other non-verbal cues just fine, like an average person. Well, I never thought about it until I came here, because although I was diagnosed in childhood, the misunderstanding of social cues symptom was never mentioned to me. I think somebody once said to me (when explaining about my diagnosis) about not understanding body language, but I used to think that meant sign language. But since I joined WP 5 years ago (wow, is it that long ago??), and read so much more about Asperger's than I knew of, I looked back on a lot of childhood memories and realised that I did not struggle with reading non-verbal social cues at all. I was good with understanding what other people meant related to their tone of voice, and their feelings. Same with body language. Somehow I still struggled with making friends, but I used to cling on to other kids and I knew from non-verbal cues that they didn't want me there but I ignored it because I didn't want to hang out on my own.

I didn't study social cues either. All these things were just stuff that I picked up as I grew up, just like all children do.
I'm good with picking up on subtle social cues. Sometimes I pick up on things that others don't. Like a few weeks ago I was having lunch at work with some other colleagues, and they were all looking down at their phones. Then another colleague walked in to join us with lunch (she's a lot older than us) and looked at everybody in the room in dismay, because it felt like an unsociable atmosphere to her. I was on my phone too, but I quickly put it away because I didn't want her to think I'm one of them. I can't say for certain that they did not pick up on her feelings about all of us on our phones, but I assume that the others didn't. Now every time she has lunch the same time as me, I feel guilty for being on my phone, so I don't get it out. I don't think anyone else has noticed. She doesn't say anything. I can just tell how she feels about this by her facial expressions and body language.

Another thing is, I have social instincts. Before I knew my boyfriend, I had this man who liked me. Nobody told me he liked me, but I could just tell he did by his body language. I liked him back, and then he started chatting me up and wanting to come round. It was then that my instinct kicked in, and although he was not wearing a wedding ring, something told me that he was married and that he just wanted sex. I thought about it, and decided to allow him to sneak to my house for sex, even though I was aware that it was wrong and I was aware that I was being used. But I was just so lonely back then that I made myself become blind to the truth, and just enjoy sex and having a chat afterwards. Some things he said to me were obviously lies, but I just played along because I couldn't be bothered with arguments. Also he never told me not to tell anybody that we are seeing each other, but I just instinctively knew not to tell anyone anyway. It's just social instinct. Something inside me tells me these things. I can work out what I should and shouldn't say, and I don't be too honest; I know how to tell white lies and I do tell white lies in my daily life. Sometimes they come out to avoid beating round the bush, and other times I just use them to avoid upsetting someone, or to avoid trouble, or to avoid an awkward situation. Last year just after my birthday, I came into work and was asked my colleagues if I had an nice birthday, and I said I did, then I said that I had my favourite cake. Then one of my favourite colleagues, who is overweight, joked to me, ''did you save me a piece?'' I knew she was joking, and it only took me a second to think up an appropriate response without offending her. So I could have said ''you don't need cake at your weight!'', but my social instinct (what reacts in less than half a second) kicked in telling me that will be awful to say that, and so instead I joked back with a grin, ''sorry, you're too late - we all finished it up yesterday!'' And she laughed warmly.

See, I just know how to juggle these social cues so easily. I know I'm going to get a string of posts after this trying to prove me wrong by putting a load of ifs, ands, buts and maybes in my mouth, but I shall ignore, because I know myself that I can read non-verbal cues just fine.

Sometimes people think they are a lot better at reading people than they are. Or they think they are reading someone's face, but really they are reading a whole lot of other things. I did a whole lot of those online tests for face reading a few of them before I suspected that I have Asperger's and I was very bad at it. However, I think IRL what I am doing is reading body language, the situation, tone of voice, the words that are being said, and throwing in some common sense. If I can only go by the eyes I have virtually no clue. If you add the mouth I am just barely better. If you add the situation, tone of voice, and common sense then I am probably about as good as a typical NT.

I don't look at people when they're talking to me, so maybe that's why I haven't learned to read expressions too well.

A big smile or tears are easy. Most everything in between looks like blank stares.
I'd think, "Why does everbody keep staring at me like that?"

I don't know how well I read facial expressions and gestures. I often don't look too much at people when I'm interacting and I don't look at eyes or else glance for a split second and look away.

I became aware that I don't look at eyes when watching movies and TV shows either so I tried forcing myself to look at eyes on TV. I didn't get any information from the eyes. They just looked empty and vacant, and that was kind of spooky and actually scares me.
afterwards I had a dream that I was sitting across from a man with a beard and I looked up and our eyes met and his eyes were glowing and it scared me and I woke up.
So I decided it was ok to not look at eyes.
People have told me I'm shy and timid but that's ok, I don't mind.

How about if you read it too well?
Aspies are notorious for massive attention to detail and NTs are notorious for "sloppiness."
What if NTs broadcast their facial expressions and body language with the same sloppiness?
Might we Aspies be seeing several various emotions broadcast? After all who is always completely single minded and/or fully confident in their talking and behavior? Second by second the unconscious communicates and tints and keeps flexing communication in multitude of ways people never understand.
Wouldn't this "muddy the waters" when trying to read nonverbal... hell, even verbal tones and prosody... even the words chosen, who says NTs have chosen or even know the right word for what they really mean.

Stir all this into the mess and no wonder people with massive attention to detail see "some" ambiguity in the communication.

I think for me, I can read faces averagely if I'm allowed to put my full attention to it, like an online test or watching a TV-series. If I'm interacting with someone, I have much more trouble because there is too much info to process at once.

Because of that I'm the type of guy that looks to the side and down when talking to people most of the time, so I can focus on what's being said to me.