Should I involve my as bf in my social life?

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Try driving separately(if that's an option). That way when he gets uncomfortable he can head home to decompress.

My wife and I do that sometimes. I get my alone time but she can maximize her social time. Another benefit is that I won't have to take the alone time out of our time together.

Does it always go smoothly? Absolutely not.

The best solution for relationship problems is effective communication. Be it talking or letters as has been suggested. Bluntness can be very helpful and I’m among the group who prefers written communication over verbal more likely to be successful.

The one thing I would suggest however is explaining how relationships work and what they are specifically all the dozens of different types their are. This comes from the perspective that perhaps he doesn’t understand and a more informed opinion will put him at ease in regards to your relationships with others if he could understand them and they could be properly categorized. Why they exist, why you do what you do, why you desire them and what is going to happen in them. What the bounds are. There is a very difficult to understand difference between people who are extremely social and people who are not like myself. I realize you do it for entertainment purposes, only rational, it’s a good idea to use multiple sources it keeps one from going numb. Of course that can be difficult to relate to when you like the repetition of just one and it doesn’t go numb as for the average person. A difference of the way the brain processes pleasure. It’s quite interesting that one reason people interact with others is because it makes the time you spend together more enjoyable. That’s definitely something I don’t understand. Why the pleasure wrought would change, how it’s even possible for the emotions to change or desire to change. So transient.

Establishing clear bounds and expectations for the relationship between you two also creates comfort because it creates reliability. It lets him know exactly what he has to do to sustain a relationship with you and gets rid of the threat that it’s not going to work. It certainly appears he cares about you but would benefit from clear instruction on what to do to please you. A nice written list or rule. A plan for achieving whatever objective he desires. Perhaps marriage.

I would like to thank all of you for your responses. They have all been insightful and helpful. I have been doing a lot of reading and research and trying to apply what I have learned for the last 4 years. This is the first time I have reached out to others and am wishing I had a long time ago. Thank you, I appreciate the support and advice!

Sometimes it can be hard to read facial expressions, as he is an aspie, he may look annoyed but not actually be feeling annoyed. Hopefully more communication helps with that.

To maintain your dignity so you can feel happy in the relationship, don't you need to be willing to give it up if it does not work for you both? I think not being to attached to what the outcome is (a relationship or not) and being attached to feeling good yourself and helping him enjoy himself is how I would look at it. Some disagreements are part of life, but I would rather give someone up than make them unhappy in the long run.

At best, is it possible some of what looks like jealousy is difficulty understanding and relating to how much you need social contact? If that's the case, perhaps sitting down with him and sharing deeply about how much of a need socializing is for you might help change things. The difference from past discussions might be that you're approaching him for help by sharing that it hurts you if you don't have social contact. You are saying he isn't enough for you. If you are enough for him, it might not make sense unless you show him vulnerability and emotion and really convey this in a heartfelt way.

I find that extremely controlling, and would not accept this sort of talk from my wife.

I worry for you that you are essentially trying to appease him because you love him, but don't think anything less than all of you will be enough. And that's too much for someone who loves you to ask.

Being strong about who you are and what you need is a choice you can make. I worry it will be very hard for you to be happy with someone so controlling and intrusive.