Asperger and loneliness

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I feel terribly alone, it strikes me in the middle of the night as panic attacks. Honestly, that's the reason I'm on this site right now is because I couldn't sleep and I broke down, realizing at the inevitable failure of my social life. The misconstrued thoughts I have, and how much I care is always taken wrong. I feel so horribly alone it's like people that see me are thousands of miles away, I recently gained a friend. But I've yearned for a significant other for quite some time. I want to dive into someones heart and be surrounded how others are in a world of love and wonder, but I feel excluded. Every message left on seen, every girl I see always chats casually but when it comes to a number it's too difficult to have them hand out it. It's like I'm an anchor plummeting into the depths, I probably won't check replies here, but I feel absolutely awful.

As a previous poster said, my ideal balance is 75% alone and 25% maximum with others (actually 80/20 is probably better for me). I have to limit incursions on my personal time to maintain my emotional and physical energy in a positive state.

The only time I experience painful pangs of loneliness is a sudden burst of missing close friends/loved people who have died and are momentarily not there to walk beside me, sharing love, comfort, themselves anymore. Their deaths left a specific kind of survivor loneliness in my heart.

I have other friends, and loved ones, though these heart losses are cannot be filled by other people. The dead were unique in my life, and part of my shared experience with them died with them. I have become better at living with these losses. But it is still loss, not loneliness, that can occasionally claw at my heart in a painful way, against which I am powerless to do anything but honour their memory, lives, selves and what we shared. Nothing can bring them back. And unless there is an afterlife of the soul, we will never meet again. The losses don't go away and closure is just a word. You don't get closure, you just learn to live with the losses and pain in new ways. You change, the losses don't. Closure is a glib minimising concept that frankly makes me urgently move away from anyone who spouts such meaningless platitudes which reek of insincerity and/or lack of complex life experience. I would line them up with Job's Comforters!

Same here!
I suppose it would be nice to have a step-by-step instruction manual for that, but does something like that exist?
*google*
Oh, hello there : https://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Autistic_ ... nteraction
Haven't read yet, but will after a nap.

Being around a large number of people once in a while doesn't bother me, especially when I don't talk with them. Generally I'm around people at work every day. Outside of that I rarely go out with non-family members and as for romance, that's long been in my too-hard basket.

Anyhow, having no-one around wouldn't work for me. I live with my mother and I need her presence to regulate my behaviour, ie. not eating too much junk, not drinking too much, etc.

I feel lonely most of the time, but I have my mom to thank for this. When I was 18, she forced me and an old friend apart because she believed him to be gay. He wasn't, he had "regular" Autism. The irony is that whenever I try to be voluntarily social, my mom throws a hissy fit depending on who I'm talking to. However, whenever I'm not in a social mood, my mom forces me to "be social."

I often feel tempted to slap my mom in her face, or even better, do the same to her what
she did to me when I was 18.

I don't really want to be around people that often except my girlfriend who I love being around.