I was so frustrated that I beat her up

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whatamess
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05 Sep 2015, 1:31 am

YOU need to go get a psychological evaluation ASAP. Sorry, if you know your child is on the spectrum, thus know how hard it is for her yet can still do such a thing, you have a major anger problem and something else that needs to be addressed. I think your child's ASD is nothing in comparison to what you have.



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05 Sep 2015, 3:20 am

Despair and powerlessness can drive very gentle persons up the wall and make them react in ways, that they would never be reacting under normal conditions. Seeing your child self harm is very painful and OP was clearly triggered by her daughters self harm - on top of everything else.
OP has been deprived of the support, she should have had and she is more alone in this situation, than any parent should be. She needs proffessional support and more adult company. Friends and trustees.

OP, are there any local things, like Autism center, or any regional health centers with therapists, parent groups or self-help groups? Anything will be better, than the solitude/aloneness, you are experiencing now. :heart:


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B19
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05 Sep 2015, 3:33 am

Jensen wrote:
Despair and powerlessness can drive very gentle persons up the wall and make them react in ways, that they would never be reacting under normal conditions. Seeing your child self harm is very painful and OP was clearly triggered by her daughters self harm - on top of everything else.
OP has been deprived of the support, she should have had and she is more alone in this situation, than any parent should be. She needs proffessional support and more adult company. Friends and trustees.

OP, are there any local things, like Autism center, or any regional health centers with therapists, parent groups or self-help groups? Anything will be better, than the solitude/aloneness, you are experiencing now. :heart:


Yes, I agree. The social worker may be able to network to find you contact people running support groups for women parenting alone or mothers who want to get together to support each other's parenting. Can anyone tell the OP how to get a list of community resources in her area? Is there any sort of national number you can call to access information like that in the US?



whatamess
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05 Sep 2015, 8:36 am

"Seeing your child self harm is very painful and OP was clearly triggered by her daughters self harm - on top of everything else." - understood, but why doesn't the same apply to the child who is self-harming?



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05 Sep 2015, 8:48 am

Because a parent should know better--and provide, for a child, a suitable model to emulate.



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05 Sep 2015, 9:53 am

The daughter is 18 years old.



kraftiekortie
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05 Sep 2015, 10:05 am

These days, 18 years old is still pretty much a kid; don't you agree?

I know I was pretty much a kid at age 18.



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05 Sep 2015, 11:47 am

B19 wrote:
Jensen wrote:
Despair and powerlessness can drive very gentle persons up the wall and make them react in ways, that they would never be reacting under normal conditions. Seeing your child self harm is very painful and OP was clearly triggered by her daughters self harm - on top of everything else.
OP has been deprived of the support, she should have had and she is more alone in this situation, than any parent should be. She needs proffessional support and more adult company. Friends and trustees.

OP, are there any local things, like Autism center, or any regional health centers with therapists, parent groups or self-help groups? Anything will be better, than the solitude/aloneness, you are experiencing now. :heart:


Yes, I agree. The social worker may be able to network to find you contact people running support groups for women parenting alone or mothers who want to get together to support each other's parenting. Can anyone tell the OP how to get a list of community resources in her area? Is there any sort of national number you can call to access information like that in the US?


Here's the sticky part of that. In the US, in many states, any legal privilege of confidentiality goes out the window in cases of child abuse. Most mental health professionals, as well as social workers, are what's known as mandated reporters. They have a legal obligation to report what they've learned to the child welfare agency in that state, regardless of the fact of the usual doctor/patient privilege, and regardless of any provision of HIIPA.


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B19
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05 Sep 2015, 11:57 am

Thank you for that clarification of the USA context. I was not aware that mandatory reporting was imposed to such wide effect there.

New Zealand does not have mandatory reporting (though there are voluntary protocols). And in theory privacy is probably more protected here, by statute, though I think that there are a lot more breaches than we realise.



Jensen
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05 Sep 2015, 3:53 pm

whatamess wrote:
"Seeing your child self harm is very painful and OP was clearly triggered by her daughters self harm - on top of everything else." - understood, but why doesn't the same apply to the child who is self-harming?

The child, who is self harming is occupied by replacing mental pain with something more managable - namely physical pain - and she does not see her self harm as anything dramatic.


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05 Sep 2015, 4:49 pm

Thank you all for your helpful comments. I got an appointment with a psychologist in my workplace. My daughter has Asperger's. She is extremely intelligent, and a big help for me. She is very kind and caring, a perfect child most of the times, if these tantrums didn't happen, she would have a perfect life. Every time she has a melt down, afterwards, she cries and asks me "mommy, what happened? what happening?" and few times while she was crying after a huge melt down, she was saying that doctors let her down, didn't help her....
These meltdowns happens twice or three times a months, specially every time before her period she has a big melt down.
She has a very sensitive soul so it hurts to see her in pain :cry: .
The other day she was telling me that she is willing to give up anything, even her soul to find a cure.
Other thing, from her childhood until now, she is very sensitive to my facial expressions. when I am sad or worry or even on pain, she is asking me, why am I sad? to see sadness in my face, drives her crazy. I try to smile all the time when she is around, but sometimes she could feel my discomfort, and it is one of the reasons for her melt downs, beside her PMS.



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05 Sep 2015, 5:11 pm

Iwannadie wrote:
Thank you all for your helpful comments. I got an appointment with a psychologist in my workplace. My daughter has Asperger's. She is extremely intelligent, and a big help for me. She is very kind and caring, a perfect child most of the times, if these tantrums didn't happen, she would have a perfect life. Every time she has a melt down, afterwards, she cries and asks me "mommy, what happened? what happening?" and few times while she was crying after a huge melt down, she was saying that doctors let her down, didn't help her....
These meltdowns happens twice or three times a months, specially every time before her period she has a big melt down.
She has a very sensitive soul so it hurts to see her in pain :cry: .
The other day she was telling me that she is willing to give up anything, even her soul to find a cure.
Other thing, from her childhood until now, she is very sensitive to my facial expressions. when I am sad or worry or even on pain, she is asking me, why am I sad? to see sadness in my face, drives her crazy. I try to smile all the time when she is around, but sometimes she could feel my discomfort, and it is one of the reasons for her melt downs, beside her PMS.


Thank you so much for the update. Later today I will send you a private message unless you don't want this to happen (you will get an email alert through the WP system that you have a private message). I have some suggestions re your daughter. Wow what a big step you took reaching out for help! Good for you! That's a tremendous achievement. I hope that person is able to help you; if not, there will be others who can. It's sometimes a process to find the one who best fits, though you have to start somewhere, and so you have taken that action. I really admire you.



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05 Sep 2015, 6:13 pm

Iwannadie wrote:
These meltdowns happens twice or three times a months, specially every time before her period she has a big melt down.


She may have premenstrual dysphoric disorder.



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05 Sep 2015, 6:32 pm

If you ever find yourself tempted to hit her again, call a crisis helpline instead. Usually, the numbers for crisis lines are on the very first page of the phone book. Pick whichever is closest to your situation and call them. They're really good at talking down people in crisis (it's their job, after all).



nick007
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05 Sep 2015, 9:18 pm

dianthus wrote:
Iwannadie wrote:
These meltdowns happens twice or three times a months, specially every time before her period she has a big melt down.


She may have premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
I was thinking the same thing & there are treatments that a female doc or a GP can prescribe.


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Iwannadie
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06 Sep 2015, 1:07 am

B19 wrote:
Iwannadie wrote:
Thank you all for your helpful comments. I got an appointment with a psychologist in my workplace. My daughter has Asperger's. She is extremely intelligent, and a big help for me. She is very kind and caring, a perfect child most of the times, if these tantrums didn't happen, she would have a perfect life. Every time she has a melt down, afterwards, she cries and asks me "mommy, what happened? what happening?" and few times while she was crying after a huge melt down, she was saying that doctors let her down, didn't help her....
These meltdowns happens twice or three times a months, specially every time before her period she has a big melt down.
She has a very sensitive soul so it hurts to see her in pain :cry: .
The other day she was telling me that she is willing to give up anything, even her soul to find a cure.
Other thing, from her childhood until now, she is very sensitive to my facial expressions. when I am sad or worry or even on pain, she is asking me, why am I sad? to see sadness in my face, drives her crazy. I try to smile all the time when she is around, but sometimes she could feel my discomfort, and it is one of the reasons for her melt downs, beside her PMS.


Thank you so much for the update. Later today I will send you a private message unless you don't want this to happen (you will get an email alert through the WP system that you have a private message). I have some suggestions re your daughter. Wow what a big step you took reaching out for help! Good for you! That's a tremendous achievement. I hope that person is able to help you; if not, there will be others who can. It's sometimes a process to find the one who best fits, though you have to start somewhere, and so you have taken that action. I really admire you.


Thank you for replying to my question. You mentioned about a private message. But I didn't receive any messages. I would love to hear your suggestions.