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Easier not to have friends?

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Malaise
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13 Oct 2015, 5:08 pm

I've often felt that way and kept my number of friends to a minimum, which often hurt as much as it helped. When I lost some over the years, I was often alone for awhile until I could make new ones. Being the type of person I am, that took time...

I think it also depends on the type of friend, though. Some people want to talk every day for hours, while others are content with much less. I'd be happy to have quite a few casual friends just for interesting discussions or gaming maybe once a week without much past that.



Ashariel
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13 Oct 2015, 5:14 pm

Zero friends, perfectly happy :)



Noca
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13 Oct 2015, 5:18 pm

It sure is annoying and draining from all the social obligations. Anyone I am friends with will learn that I can't handle being texted and msged every day. I can usually only handle one real life friend at a time. I went most of my life only having one good friend, and I was content.



kamiyu910
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13 Oct 2015, 5:40 pm

IgA wrote:
Not having friends ...

1... makes people think you are a jerk/witch.
2... hinders any chance of being able to stop antagonizing people from messing up your day

I find that these are only problems if you actually care about what other people think. For #2, just flat out saying "I don't want to go/talk to you." Won't get you friends, but it gets the point across without any fancy excuses. For #1, it doesn't matter to me if someone thinks I'm a certain way because the people who know me know how I am (or at least should, otherwise they don't actually know me).

The big negative I have with not having friends is that I do like to bounce ideas off people or sometimes I just need to rant and have someone tell me if I'm being unreasonable. I have one friend in person that I hang out with, because we share a lot of the same interests and I can talk an length about them while our kids hang out together. There's no real pressure, just once in a while either she messages me or I message her about getting together and we pick a day that works, and if something comes up, we understand.

I'm much better at online communications. I do not do the phone (which made one old conspiracy theorist say I was going to get blindsided because I wouldn't be up to date on the conspiracies... wut??) and most of my friends are online. Sometimes we can go weeks (or months) without talking and we're fine. No pressure. I may not have a lot of friends, but I know who my real friends are. They aren't nearby to come help out but sometimes I just need to talk about something.


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LtlPinkCoupe
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13 Oct 2015, 5:41 pm

I also feel like it's easier to not have friends....you don't get hurt or let down as much and as often that way. I have my stuffed animals, my laptop, and stim toys, and that's really all I need for right now. Sometimes I do wonder what it's like to have friends...if it brings as many joyful and secure feelings as the NTs in my life say it does, but, then something happens that reminds me that I'm doing the right thing by not really having any real-life friends.


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whatamess
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13 Oct 2015, 9:02 pm

I have a couple of good friends, who have been my friends for over 15 years. I can honestly say I trust maybe 3 people as my friends...everyone else is just an acquaintance and I am tired of trying to make friends. My old friends I believe are NOT NT, although they are not diagnosed...they live far away from where I live, so I only see them on occasions now...



slw1990
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13 Oct 2015, 10:44 pm

It kind of depends. I like having friends that are genuine, but if they treat me poorly I would feel more comfortable having no friends at all because I get tired of the mind games and power trips and it's not worth the stress that it puts me under.



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13 Oct 2015, 11:27 pm

Actually, it's easier not to have friends at the same time being validated than just not to have any friends.

All real friends are allies, but not all allies are real friends.

I have a lot of allies and I keep up guard up around them. If they take advantage of me, I'll backfire them. If I can actually trust them, I could consider them a friend.
But I have no actual IRL friend that I 'keep up' with. If anything, it's more like a 'friend' I pass by a lot with. (Classmates, colleagues, more everyday's non-strangers)

As I said, I don't initiate friendships. Nor initiate any social engagement unless I needed to. But if one needs me, I will come to them. People can trust me, but I can't trust them the same, unfortunately.


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IgA
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14 Oct 2015, 12:07 am

It has been so long since I have had a friend, I'm unsure I would even know how to have one now. I would have to restructure my life to accomidate someone else. It wouldn't work.