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Apparently NT's make friends from a "feeling"

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Malaise
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13 Oct 2015, 5:03 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
i make friends from a feeling. I'd imagine everybody does. If it feels right and it feels enjoyable to talk to them and hang out with them and I feel comfortable then I pursue it. It's not a feeling like falling in love, but of being comfortable and enjoying yourself and liking the other person's company.



Cockroach96
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14 Oct 2015, 8:20 am

marcb0t wrote:
Cockroach96 wrote:
You can't experience that feeling unless you are NT. No matter how hard an aspie tries to make friends, he will always fail. We are not wired to be able to do that.

Why do you so often make negative statements to an extreme degree? Cheer up, Cockroach96. You are welcome to be my friend. Sometimes all you gotta do is ask.

I've gained friends through asking directly, or talking about common interests, or just finding the right NT to hang around with in the past. Nowadays, I meet friends through my special interest online. Often, the feelings come afterwards, and I feel a strong love and, how should I say?... loyalty to them. Even when the worst of things happen in their lives, and they don't have time to chat.

Cockroach, I'm sorry that your experience has been negative. Try to understand that it's not universal for "EVERY" aspie. And of course you are welcome to PM me, or chat with me through Skype whenever our timezones and schedule agree. :)

(P.S. I can provide a skype chat number through PM. Just ask.)

I wasn't trying to be negative. Aspie brains just aren't wired to connect.
You can't make friends just by asking. That's not the way it's done.


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marcb0t
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14 Oct 2015, 8:31 am

Cockroach96 wrote:
marcb0t wrote:
Cockroach96 wrote:
You can't experience that feeling unless you are NT. No matter how hard an aspie tries to make friends, he will always fail. We are not wired to be able to do that.

Why do you so often make negative statements to an extreme degree? Cheer up, Cockroach96. You are welcome to be my friend. Sometimes all you gotta do is ask.

I've gained friends through asking directly, or talking about common interests, or just finding the right NT to hang around with in the past. Nowadays, I meet friends through my special interest online. Often, the feelings come afterwards, and I feel a strong love and, how should I say?... loyalty to them. Even when the worst of things happen in their lives, and they don't have time to chat.

Cockroach, I'm sorry that your experience has been negative. Try to understand that it's not universal for "EVERY" aspie. And of course you are welcome to PM me, or chat with me through Skype whenever our timezones and schedule agree. :)

(P.S. I can provide a skype chat number through PM. Just ask.)

I wasn't trying to be negative. Aspie brains just aren't wired to connect.
You can't make friends just by asking. That's not the way it's done.

Actually, you can, and I did it before. It was on a school playground. It was a kid who I was not on good terms with. I was sent to give him a message from a teacher figure, and afterwards, we looked at each other and I said, "hey, why don't we just be friends".

Then this guy said "OK". And after that, we hung out at school a lot. So it is rare, but sometimes it works. I do think it is strange in retrospect, but that's what happened.

Most often though, I can be good friends with people online, but have difficulty with real life interactions, though it's gotten better. That is generally more of an aspies's weakness. Of course every aspie has different levels of social problems. No two are completely alike.


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Cockroach96
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14 Oct 2015, 8:40 am

Socializing was much easier as a child, you could simply have a friend and play football with him all day.
In 11th grade I tried to make friends with two guys who were in 12th grade at that time, as they had been friendly to me before. However, they were just jokers who made fun of me.


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marcb0t
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14 Oct 2015, 8:49 am

Cockroach96 wrote:
Socializing was much easier as a child, you could simply have a friend and play football with him all day.
In 11th grade I tried to make friends with two guys who were in 12th grade at that time, as they had been friendly to me before. However, they were just jokers who made fun of me.

You know, I've unfortunately had those same kind of experiences. High School is a real hard place to make friends. Especially for an aspie. I won't deny that fact. Very sorry again to hear that happened to you. :(

Some of my best friends have been aspies, or suspected aspies online. Our they have similar traits. It's easier being friends with people who are outcasts as well, probably because we share that struggle and have some commonality to begin with.

Again though, I would not turn down your friendship.

You have a great day!


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14 Oct 2015, 9:00 am

Cockroach96 wrote:
Socializing was much easier as a child, you could simply have a friend and play football with him all day.
In 11th grade I tried to make friends with two guys who were in 12th grade at that time, as they had been friendly to me before. However, they were just jokers who made fun of me.


I experienced this too.

As a kid, you could just walk up to someone and ask if they wanted to climb trees, play in the sandbox etctetra...

Suddenly, almost overnight, there were new rules and you needed a reason to ask, a motive other than wanting to have fun and socialize, and you had to prove your worth somehow.

Since then I've barely had friends.

Imagine if it was like that with adults too. Maybe the societal infrastructure has become too complex. Maybe we are the sane ones and autism is showing symptoms as a reaction to an unnatural society.



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14 Oct 2015, 9:04 am

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Maybe we are the sane ones and autism is showing symptoms as a reaction to an unnatural society.

No, NTs are also aware that society is unnatural and harmful, but nobody has a choice. Autism is a pathology, a deviation from normality.


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14 Oct 2015, 10:12 am

Cockroach96 wrote:
Quote:
Maybe we are the sane ones and autism is showing symptoms as a reaction to an unnatural society.

No, NTs are also aware that society is unnatural and harmful, but nobody has a choice. Autism is a pathology, a deviation from normality.


We can always choose, so I thnk that it's the fact that deviations from expectations and normalcy are met with hostility.

It's tribal behavior, and deviating from the commonly agreed upon rituals for becoming an accepted member is what causes people to go into haywire.

You have to pass through various stages of a test and pass each one to be qualified and not be considered a threat.
The defense mechanism is understandable, because there are mean people out there. It is necessary. It's just that it's wired for a way of perceiving things that doesn't come natural to us.

It feels strange to force it.