23 Oct 2015, 12:41 pm
ZenDen wrote:
alex wrote:
I think we, as aspies, have a tendency to be too honest. NTs often tell little white lies and expect others to do the same.
"Too?" So lying can be good and telling the truth bad? 1984?
Just because NTs do something doesn't make it right or even the best choice. A close look at our world today might easily convince someone of this. We can do better. There are other better ways to conduct social business.
"White?" The problem is: Who gets to decide the color of a lie? Not the recipient of the lie (unless the liar is found out). Researchers have found most people questioned will admit telling a few "white" lies each day, but they've found the actual number is much much higher.
Please remember, a lie may have a small effect on the liar, but the intent of a lie is to deceive others and the effect on others can be quite harmful in some instances. The telling of a lie causes someone's view of reality to be twisted ,sometimes permanently, sometimes seriously, depending on the lie. And often it seems a liar can and will lie and fool themselves, even for their entire lives. Even NTs will name some people as "uncontrolled" liars.
I'd suggest people stay away from lying as much as possible. Honesty is the best policy.
Born Liars is a pretty good book to read. Subtle lying it suggests is built into the fabric of communication.
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,921
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
23 Oct 2015, 12:47 pm
23 Oct 2015, 1:09 pm
InsomniaGrl wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
alex wrote:
I think we, as aspies, have a tendency to be too honest. NTs often tell little white lies and expect others to do the same.
"Too?" So lying can be good and telling the truth bad? 1984?
Just because NTs do something doesn't make it right or even the best choice. A close look at our world today might easily convince someone of this. We can do better. There are other better ways to conduct social business.
"White?" The problem is: Who gets to decide the color of a lie? Not the recipient of the lie (unless the liar is found out). Researchers have found most people questioned will admit telling a few "white" lies each day, but they've found the actual number is much much higher.
Please remember, a lie may have a small effect on the liar, but the intent of a lie is to deceive others and the effect on others can be quite harmful in some instances. The telling of a lie causes someone's view of reality to be twisted ,sometimes permanently, sometimes seriously, depending on the lie. And often it seems a liar can and will lie and fool themselves, even for their entire lives. Even NTs will name some people as "uncontrolled" liars.
I'd suggest people stay away from lying as much as possible. Honesty is the best policy.
Born Liars is a pretty good book to read. Subtle lying it suggests is built into the fabric of communication.
Lying is definitely built into the fabric of society and someone, such as the author of Born Liars, who is totally convinced lying is a natural part of life, will no doubt promote the advantages of lying, since they know of no other satisfactory way of life.
It's true, child psychologists suggest lying is good for a child's growth because, to support a lie, the liar will soon learn about such things as being creative with backup stories, and etc. which stimulates the mind, strengthens the memory and makes the liar more capable of social interaction and further, better lies.
At some point in my life I would, no doubt, have taken lying to my heart as a possible way of relieving the pain. But now, knowing what I've learned, my answer to such an offer/possibility is: NO THANKS!
lostonearth35
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Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,776
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?
23 Oct 2015, 1:25 pm
When I was a kid believed that lying would sned you straight to hell, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. One time I was watching an old Disney cartoon with the Three Little Pigs where Practical Pig (the smart one who built the brick house) had built a lie detector that would brutally punish anyone who lied. later the other other two pigs get captured by the wolf and he gets interrogated by Practical Pig and the machine, and by the end of the cartoon the machine severely punished everyone, including Practical Pig. What was going on in my mind the whole time watching this was "They're going all to hell now where it will be much worse and being spanked or suffer any of the amusing injuries of that machine."
I guess if what I believed is true, then heaven must be a very empty place. I never thought of toddlers crying just to get attention as lying before. And then there's so-called white lying where you pretend to love a gift you think is stupid so you don't hurt the giver's feelings, or telling a stranger at the door your parents are busy and can't answer and that you're really not home alone, which I read is not really lying, but I also read that little kids don't understand the "grey" between such things.
Trust is an all-too fragile thing. Mine has been broken too many times in the past and can never be repaired. 
23 Oct 2015, 1:34 pm
lostonearth35 wrote:
When I was a kid believed that lying would sned you straight to hell, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. One time I was watching an old Disney cartoon with the Three Little Pigs where Practical Pig (the smart one who built the brick house) had built a lie detector that would brutally punish anyone who lied. later the other other two pigs get captured by the wolf and he gets interrogated by Practical Pig and the machine, and by the end of the cartoon the machine severely punished everyone, including Practical Pig. What was going on in my mind the whole time watching this was "They're going all to hell now where it will be much worse and being spanked or suffer any of the amusing injuries of that machine."
I guess if what I believed is true, then heaven must be a very empty place. I never thought of toddlers crying just to get attention as lying before. And then there's so-called white lying where you pretend to love a gift you think is stupid so you don't hurt the giver's feelings, or telling a stranger at the door your parents are busy and can't answer and that you're really not home alone, which I read is not really lying, but I also read that little kids don't understand the "grey" between such things.
Trust is an all-too fragile thing. Mine has been broken too many times in the past and can never be repaired.
I guess if what I believed is true, then heaven must be a very empty place. I never thought of toddlers crying just to get attention as lying before. And then there's so-called white lying where you pretend to love a gift you think is stupid so you don't hurt the giver's feelings, or telling a stranger at the door your parents are busy and can't answer and that you're really not home alone, which I read is not really lying, but I also read that little kids don't understand the "grey" between such things.
Trust is an all-too fragile thing. Mine has been broken too many times in the past and can never be repaired.
Love can repair trust. Our minds are fragile and easily shaped. Look at the unfortunates who, in a terrible situation, have their minds totally reshaped by what is called Stockholm Syndrome, after only a short experience. The mind will forgive and forget. Look for love.
23 Oct 2015, 1:38 pm
23 Oct 2015, 2:58 pm
23 Oct 2015, 3:01 pm
ZenDen wrote:
InsomniaGrl wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
alex wrote:
I think we, as aspies, have a tendency to be too honest. NTs often tell little white lies and expect others to do the same.
"Too?" So lying can be good and telling the truth bad? 1984?
Just because NTs do something doesn't make it right or even the best choice. A close look at our world today might easily convince someone of this. We can do better. There are other better ways to conduct social business.
"White?" The problem is: Who gets to decide the color of a lie? Not the recipient of the lie (unless the liar is found out). Researchers have found most people questioned will admit telling a few "white" lies each day, but they've found the actual number is much much higher.
Please remember, a lie may have a small effect on the liar, but the intent of a lie is to deceive others and the effect on others can be quite harmful in some instances. The telling of a lie causes someone's view of reality to be twisted ,sometimes permanently, sometimes seriously, depending on the lie. And often it seems a liar can and will lie and fool themselves, even for their entire lives. Even NTs will name some people as "uncontrolled" liars.
I'd suggest people stay away from lying as much as possible. Honesty is the best policy.
Born Liars is a pretty good book to read. Subtle lying it suggests is built into the fabric of communication.
Lying is definitely built into the fabric of society and someone, such as the author of Born Liars, who is totally convinced lying is a natural part of life, will no doubt promote the advantages of lying, since they know of no other satisfactory way of life.
It's true, child psychologists suggest lying is good for a child's growth because, to support a lie, the liar will soon learn about such things as being creative with backup stories, and etc. which stimulates the mind, strengthens the memory and makes the liar more capable of social interaction and further, better lies.
At some point in my life I would, no doubt, have taken lying to my heart as a possible way of relieving the pain. But now, knowing what I've learned, my answer to such an offer/possibility is: NO THANKS!
To some extent would you say, what is true and what is not, does depend on ones point of view. I can't tell the truth, because i don't know it. My own version of true is so far from the truth, even if truth is/was determinable. I have to accept i am a vessel for untruth, even if i try/want to be honest. Or do you think honesty and truth are different? I try hard to tell the truth where i can. Should i communicate all my feelings in a situation, is that true? If i hold back, for whatever reason, or am too tired, am i being dishonest? I cant be all i am all the time.
I'm not trying to be difficult in my questions by the way, i see you have experience, especially if wrong planet isn't doing something stupid with the ages again!
24 Oct 2015, 10:04 am
InsomniaGrl wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
InsomniaGrl wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
alex wrote:
I think we, as aspies, have a tendency to be too honest. NTs often tell little white lies and expect others to do the same.
"Too?" So lying can be good and telling the truth bad? 1984?
Just because NTs do something doesn't make it right or even the best choice. A close look at our world today might easily convince someone of this. We can do better. There are other better ways to conduct social business.
"White?" The problem is: Who gets to decide the color of a lie? Not the recipient of the lie (unless the liar is found out). Researchers have found most people questioned will admit telling a few "white" lies each day, but they've found the actual number is much much higher.
Please remember, a lie may have a small effect on the liar, but the intent of a lie is to deceive others and the effect on others can be quite harmful in some instances. The telling of a lie causes someone's view of reality to be twisted ,sometimes permanently, sometimes seriously, depending on the lie. And often it seems a liar can and will lie and fool themselves, even for their entire lives. Even NTs will name some people as "uncontrolled" liars.
I'd suggest people stay away from lying as much as possible. Honesty is the best policy.
Born Liars is a pretty good book to read. Subtle lying it suggests is built into the fabric of communication.
Lying is definitely built into the fabric of society and someone, such as the author of Born Liars, who is totally convinced lying is a natural part of life, will no doubt promote the advantages of lying, since they know of no other satisfactory way of life.
It's true, child psychologists suggest lying is good for a child's growth because, to support a lie, the liar will soon learn about such things as being creative with backup stories, and etc. which stimulates the mind, strengthens the memory and makes the liar more capable of social interaction and further, better lies.
At some point in my life I would, no doubt, have taken lying to my heart as a possible way of relieving the pain. But now, knowing what I've learned, my answer to such an offer/possibility is: NO THANKS!
To some extent would you say, what is true and what is not, does depend on ones point of view. I can't tell the truth, because i don't know it. My own version of true is so far from the truth, even if truth is/was determinable. I have to accept i am a vessel for untruth, even if i try/want to be honest. Or do you think honesty and truth are different? I try hard to tell the truth where i can. Should i communicate all my feelings in a situation, is that true? If i hold back, for whatever reason, or am too tired, am i being dishonest? I cant be all i am all the time.
I'm not trying to be difficult in my questions by the way, i see you have experience, especially if wrong planet isn't doing something stupid with the ages again!
You ask: "To some extent would you say, what is true and what is not, does depend on ones point of view."
I agree someone's view of truth must be dictated by a person's upbringing, environment and personal beliefs.
But please note that a "lie" is a deliberate act that the "liar" knows to be untrue according to their own belief system. I may tell you the sun is shining, but if I haven't looked out the window since I first saw the sun rise I may not tell a "truth" but this is not a lie because, in my mind, I was telling the truth. If, on the other hand, I deliberately avoided the weather report so I could tell you "I think it's sunny outside...come and visit." then we again stray into deliberate misinformation to "deceive" (that's the important word). Without deceit you can certainly have misinformation, but a lie depends on "intent."
"Should i communicate all my feelings in a situation, is that true? If i hold back, for whatever reason, or am too tired, am i being dishonest? I cant be all i am all the time."
This question has come up elsewhere as well, recently posted to say (paraphrased): "Is not telling the entire truth the same as lying?"
The consensus of respondents indicated most felt telling a partial truth...without resorting to a deliberate lie and for the benefit of the person being spoken to, would be called "skillful" communication, not a lie; I don't agree with this stance; I believe this would still be called "deceit." But remember, you're under no obligation to tell anyone anything you don't wish to, but avoid the intent to deceive (even if you think "deceiving" someone would be for their (imagined) benefit.
You said: "I'm not trying to be difficult in my questions by the way, i see you have experience, especially if wrong planet isn't doing something stupid with the ages again!"
I'm lucky to have gained some experience without flying off "The Cliff of Life." Sometimes just barely. I don't consider myself "skillful" but realize the importance of being so and (as best I can) direct my life in this manner.
24 Oct 2015, 12:53 pm
ZenDen wrote:
InsomniaGrl wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
InsomniaGrl wrote:
ZenDen wrote:
alex wrote:
I think we, as aspies, have a tendency to be too honest. NTs often tell little white lies and expect others to do the same.
"Too?" So lying can be good and telling the truth bad? 1984?
Just because NTs do something doesn't make it right or even the best choice. A close look at our world today might easily convince someone of this. We can do better. There are other better ways to conduct social business.
"White?" The problem is: Who gets to decide the color of a lie? Not the recipient of the lie (unless the liar is found out). Researchers have found most people questioned will admit telling a few "white" lies each day, but they've found the actual number is much much higher.
Please remember, a lie may have a small effect on the liar, but the intent of a lie is to deceive others and the effect on others can be quite harmful in some instances. The telling of a lie causes someone's view of reality to be twisted ,sometimes permanently, sometimes seriously, depending on the lie. And often it seems a liar can and will lie and fool themselves, even for their entire lives. Even NTs will name some people as "uncontrolled" liars.
I'd suggest people stay away from lying as much as possible. Honesty is the best policy.
Born Liars is a pretty good book to read. Subtle lying it suggests is built into the fabric of communication.
Lying is definitely built into the fabric of society and someone, such as the author of Born Liars, who is totally convinced lying is a natural part of life, will no doubt promote the advantages of lying, since they know of no other satisfactory way of life.
It's true, child psychologists suggest lying is good for a child's growth because, to support a lie, the liar will soon learn about such things as being creative with backup stories, and etc. which stimulates the mind, strengthens the memory and makes the liar more capable of social interaction and further, better lies.
At some point in my life I would, no doubt, have taken lying to my heart as a possible way of relieving the pain. But now, knowing what I've learned, my answer to such an offer/possibility is: NO THANKS!
To some extent would you say, what is true and what is not, does depend on ones point of view. I can't tell the truth, because i don't know it. My own version of true is so far from the truth, even if truth is/was determinable. I have to accept i am a vessel for untruth, even if i try/want to be honest. Or do you think honesty and truth are different? I try hard to tell the truth where i can. Should i communicate all my feelings in a situation, is that true? If i hold back, for whatever reason, or am too tired, am i being dishonest? I cant be all i am all the time.
I'm not trying to be difficult in my questions by the way, i see you have experience, especially if wrong planet isn't doing something stupid with the ages again!
You ask: "To some extent would you say, what is true and what is not, does depend on ones point of view."
I agree someone's view of truth must be dictated by a person's upbringing, environment and personal beliefs.
But please note that a "lie" is a deliberate act that the "liar" knows to be untrue according to their own belief system. I may tell you the sun is shining, but if I haven't looked out the window since I first saw the sun rise I may not tell a "truth" but this is not a lie because, in my mind, I was telling the truth. If, on the other hand, I deliberately avoided the weather report so I could tell you "I think it's sunny outside...come and visit." then we again stray into deliberate misinformation to "deceive" (that's the important word). Without deceit you can certainly have misinformation, but a lie depends on "intent."
"Should i communicate all my feelings in a situation, is that true? If i hold back, for whatever reason, or am too tired, am i being dishonest? I cant be all i am all the time."
This question has come up elsewhere as well, recently posted to say (paraphrased): "Is not telling the entire truth the same as lying?"
The consensus of respondents indicated most felt telling a partial truth...without resorting to a deliberate lie and for the benefit of the person being spoken to, would be called "skillful" communication, not a lie; I don't agree with this stance; I believe this would still be called "deceit." But remember, you're under no obligation to tell anyone anything you don't wish to, but avoid the intent to deceive (even if you think "deceiving" someone would be for their (imagined) benefit.
You said: "I'm not trying to be difficult in my questions by the way, i see you have experience, especially if wrong planet isn't doing something stupid with the ages again!"
I'm lucky to have gained some experience without flying off "The Cliff of Life." Sometimes just barely. I don't consider myself "skillful" but realize the importance of being so and (as best I can) direct my life in this manner.
Hey, yes i go along with what you have said
Full disclosure is a bit of a grey area, i work part time in customer services, my job description basically involves holding back on actual thoughts and beliefs, and just 'acting a role' for a certain amount of time. I consider this to be a 'lie' for money. I have to deceive them into thinking i don't want to push some of them out the door. Also my clothes, make-up, and hair, are a deliberate attempt to, 'lie' and cover up my appearance. In this sense its very much part of how society is geared i think. Like my job, there are common practices that are hard to avoid (even if you want to) which have developed over time, and seem normal, but are akin to lying.If i was the first woman who painted her lips and cheeks to mimic sexual bodily associations, i could quite rightly be accused of lying, and deliberate manipulation. Because it is 'normal' it seems possible for people just to do it without even questioning if they are being truthful.
24 Oct 2015, 2:49 pm
You said:
"Hey, yes i go along with what you have said Full disclosure is a bit of a grey area, i work part time in customer services, my job description basically involves holding back on actual thoughts and beliefs, and just 'acting a role' for a certain amount of time. I consider this to be a 'lie' for money. I have to deceive them into thinking i don't want to push some of them out the door. Also my clothes, make-up, and hair, are a deliberate attempt to, 'lie' and cover up my appearance. In this sense its very much part of how society is geared i think. Like my job, there are common practices that are hard to avoid (even if you want to) which have developed over time, and seem normal, but are akin to lying.
If i was the first woman who painted her lips and cheeks to mimic sexual bodily associations, i could quite rightly be accused of lying, and deliberate manipulation. Because it is 'normal' it seems possible for people just to do it without even questioning if they are being truthful."
As you say, NT society is often based on lies. And not being invested in lying (or in NT society) can give one a clearer viewpoint.
The more obvious this becomes, the greater is my resistance. This perhaps is easier for me, being retired, than for yourself or others who try to "fit in" just to earn a living....and I'll admit putting makeup on to conform with the looks of others is something many guys have little experience with, but it sounds like a real drag. But perhaps in your next job?
Right now it seems as though you're trying to conform to please/earn money, and not actually trying to tell/exhibit a lie.
If you haven't seen it yet you might get a laugh out of the Wikipedia entry for "Lie." There are many types of lies listed I'd never considered.
24 Oct 2015, 10:11 pm
I suppose a bit of room to not disclose or bend truth is useful. Certainly the lack gets ridiculous - I can't even reply to the supermarket cashier's "how are you today?" With the socially expected "fine thank you," because I'm often not fine and I don't know what else to say. I can't just SAY I'm fine when I'm not. It gets that pedantic. So liars - lie on 
25 Oct 2015, 12:02 pm
C2V wrote:
I suppose a bit of room to not disclose or bend truth is useful. Certainly the lack gets ridiculous - I can't even reply to the supermarket cashier's "how are you today?" With the socially expected "fine thank you," because I'm often not fine and I don't know what else to say. I can't just SAY I'm fine when I'm not. It gets that pedantic. So liars - lie on
It takes time and practice to change ingrained habits.
A "how are you today?" question might get a more personal response from you, such as: "Busier than a bed bug today; how's your busy day going?" Or if you're not feeling communicative you might just treat the cashier's statement as "Hello" and just say: "OK; how are you?"
What people don't want to hear is a description of your aches and pains. But, since YOU were asked a question, it's YOU who gets to choose the manner in which you respond.....be friendly if you are feeling friendly.....don't say much if you're not feeling communicative.....it's you who gets to decide.
P.S. "Bending the truth is lying." The word "bending" can have many degrees of meaning, depending on the individual. It takes a bit of thought and practice to become skillful at avoiding lies.
26 Oct 2015, 7:37 am
ZenDen wrote:
C2V wrote:
I suppose a bit of room to not disclose or bend truth is useful. Certainly the lack gets ridiculous - I can't even reply to the supermarket cashier's "how are you today?" With the socially expected "fine thank you," because I'm often not fine and I don't know what else to say. I can't just SAY I'm fine when I'm not. It gets that pedantic. So liars - lie on
It takes time and practice to change ingrained habits.
A "how are you today?" question might get a more personal response from you, such as: "Busier than a bed bug today; how's your busy day going?" Or if you're not feeling communicative you might just treat the cashier's statement as "Hello" and just say: "OK; how are you?"
What people don't want to hear is a description of your aches and pains. But, since YOU were asked a question, it's YOU who gets to choose the manner in which you respond.....be friendly if you are feeling friendly.....don't say much if you're not feeling communicative.....it's you who gets to decide.
P.S. "Bending the truth is lying." The word "bending" can have many degrees of meaning, depending on the individual. It takes a bit of thought and practice to become skillful at avoiding lies.
Just for interests sake, traditionally the question how are you, in polite society, would always be replied how, how are you? and not by actually answering the question. At some point i guess this was mostly dropped though.
26 Oct 2015, 7:47 am
ZenDen wrote:
You said:
"Hey, yes i go along with what you have said Full disclosure is a bit of a grey area, i work part time in customer services, my job description basically involves holding back on actual thoughts and beliefs, and just 'acting a role' for a certain amount of time. I consider this to be a 'lie' for money. I have to deceive them into thinking i don't want to push some of them out the door. Also my clothes, make-up, and hair, are a deliberate attempt to, 'lie' and cover up my appearance. In this sense its very much part of how society is geared i think. Like my job, there are common practices that are hard to avoid (even if you want to) which have developed over time, and seem normal, but are akin to lying.
If i was the first woman who painted her lips and cheeks to mimic sexual bodily associations, i could quite rightly be accused of lying, and deliberate manipulation. Because it is 'normal' it seems possible for people just to do it without even questioning if they are being truthful."
As you say, NT society is often based on lies. And not being invested in lying (or in NT society) can give one a clearer viewpoint.
The more obvious this becomes, the greater is my resistance. This perhaps is easier for me, being retired, than for yourself or others who try to "fit in" just to earn a living....and I'll admit putting makeup on to conform with the looks of others is something many guys have little experience with, but it sounds like a real drag. But perhaps in your next job?
Right now it seems as though you're trying to conform to please/earn money, and not actually trying to tell/exhibit a lie.
If you haven't seen it yet you might get a laugh out of the Wikipedia entry for "Lie." There are many types of lies listed I'd never considered.
"Hey, yes i go along with what you have said
Full disclosure is a bit of a grey area, i work part time in customer services, my job description basically involves holding back on actual thoughts and beliefs, and just 'acting a role' for a certain amount of time. I consider this to be a 'lie' for money. I have to deceive them into thinking i don't want to push some of them out the door. Also my clothes, make-up, and hair, are a deliberate attempt to, 'lie' and cover up my appearance. In this sense its very much part of how society is geared i think. Like my job, there are common practices that are hard to avoid (even if you want to) which have developed over time, and seem normal, but are akin to lying.If i was the first woman who painted her lips and cheeks to mimic sexual bodily associations, i could quite rightly be accused of lying, and deliberate manipulation. Because it is 'normal' it seems possible for people just to do it without even questioning if they are being truthful."
As you say, NT society is often based on lies. And not being invested in lying (or in NT society) can give one a clearer viewpoint.
The more obvious this becomes, the greater is my resistance. This perhaps is easier for me, being retired, than for yourself or others who try to "fit in" just to earn a living....and I'll admit putting makeup on to conform with the looks of others is something many guys have little experience with, but it sounds like a real drag. But perhaps in your next job?
Right now it seems as though you're trying to conform to please/earn money, and not actually trying to tell/exhibit a lie.
If you haven't seen it yet you might get a laugh out of the Wikipedia entry for "Lie." There are many types of lies listed I'd never considered.
I shall check out wikedpedia. I think that being retired can have its advantages as far as being forced to lie goes. I think life the older you get, can appear to be something of a dream imagined. I don't entirely agree with it, but it reminds me of this quote from a tv series.
'You, yourself, this whole big drama, it was never more than a jerry rig of presumption and dumb will, and you could just let go. To finally know that you didn't have to hold on so tight. To realize that all your life, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain, it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.'
I think in some ways it relates to our conversation. I guess i'm talking about the idea of there not being a real, some truth to really hold onto.
As a side note, i'm not really into sport, but all sport would be impossible without the ability to lie. Tennis could not be played if people didn't lie about the play they intend to make. Its just 'allowed lying', mostly i think sport is just a way of not actually being violent, or killing anyone, or stealing land for real. Though of course people do get hurt and killed from time to time.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,921
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
26 Oct 2015, 12:51 pm
ZenDen wrote:
C2V wrote:
I suppose a bit of room to not disclose or bend truth is useful. Certainly the lack gets ridiculous - I can't even reply to the supermarket cashier's "how are you today?" With the socially expected "fine thank you," because I'm often not fine and I don't know what else to say. I can't just SAY I'm fine when I'm not. It gets that pedantic. So liars - lie on
It takes time and practice to change ingrained habits.
A "how are you today?" question might get a more personal response from you, such as: "Busier than a bed bug today; how's your busy day going?" Or if you're not feeling communicative you might just treat the cashier's statement as "Hello" and just say: "OK; how are you?"
What people don't want to hear is a description of your aches and pains. But, since YOU were asked a question, it's YOU who gets to choose the manner in which you respond.....be friendly if you are feeling friendly.....don't say much if you're not feeling communicative.....it's you who gets to decide.
P.S. "Bending the truth is lying." The word "bending" can have many degrees of meaning, depending on the individual. It takes a bit of thought and practice to become skillful at avoiding lies.
And what if you don't want to avoid all lies? because you know there are some contexts/situations in which it could be necessary and/or the better option. And would you say there is anything wrong with simply keeping parts of a story to yourself?
Like if I went camping with some people and we decided to trip on some psychdelic drug I probably wouldn't tell my mother or grandma among other family about that part....but I would be open that I had gone on a camping trip and had fun. But yeah I see no reason to include details like that if it would bother/overly concern the person you're talking to.
