People "complimenting" me

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I think you are probably right. Good point. And of course I will probably analyze that to death as well!

I have actually gotten that some in real life. Even though I am mostly nonverbal sometimes I say something, and have heard "did he just talk?! Wow I didn't know he could do that!". And online in the forum I post the most to, I have been told I don't sound artistic. I have always looked at that as like an achievement, but maybe I am being naive.

I can see how it could be an achievement though Ezra so it can be both. For instance, if it is extremely difficult for you to verbalize words and if it takes huge amounts of effort for you to do that and you manage to say a few than in that case, it would be a great achievement and that should be noticed and celebrated. And if being able to articulate clear and concise eloquent written posts is something that you had to work really hard at to do than that is also a great accomplishment that should be celebrated and in that sense those comments can be received in a complimentary way and really taken for what they are worth and really appreciated.

I think the difference in whether it feels like a compliment or an insult is in the specifics or each situation. Like for me, there are times when my speech regresses and I have real and genuine trouble speaking. There are times when I become completely non verbal as well but those times are very situational and pretty rare. Growing up no one ever knew that that happened to me because I was a loner and always able to hide away in my room so I only hung out with people when I was able to speak well so no one ever noticed that I had some issues with speech. And most of my speech issues really became apparent and strong only recently since the stresses on my life have become more severe. So in public or around other people I always spoke very well even from toddler age, and in fact better than my peers. Even my parents never knew I had speech issues until I told them this year. So for someone like me who can very easily present and even at first glance pass as an NT who is just a little weird, for them to say, "wow, you are Autistic and you can speak clearly and intelligently, you must be really proud of that accomplishment!" That is almost like telling me I should be proud of the fact that I can breathe because that is such an accomplishment for me as an Autistic person. And that is actually a pretty good analogy because there are some times that I have trouble breathing as well. But for the most part that people know and see I can and always have been able to breathe just fine just like everyone else.

The problem is that some people's only thought of Autism is Rainman or more severe. So anyone who is more or less able to do normal things, like be married, have kids, speak well, have a job, drive, go to mainstream school, to them they think that that is totally astronomically amazing and that anyone at all on the spectrum should not be able to do those things. So if you do any of them you must have worked unbelievably hard all your life to be able to do them. They don't realize that the spectrum is just that, a spectrum with many degrees and levels of varying abilities among us. I believe we, as Autistics, all have the same core struggles. They just vary in degree.

So I would not consider you naive because some of the things that might be really easy for me might be super hard for you and you should be congratulated on being able to do them. But some things that might be super easy for you might be impossible for me and if I could ever do them I should be congratulated on them. I guess what would make it great is if people were just able to get to know us as individuals and then congratulate us for things that we manage to do that are very hard but the things that come naturally to us like breathing, they should just comment or refrain from commenting accordingly.

I guess I just don't know what they want from me, because no matter how autistic I'm acting, it seems to be wrong. For example today, I had to get up and leave the train carriage twice, once because someone was eating crisps with their mouth open and crunching them relentlessly, then someone was drinking from a squeeze bottle and sucking at it every time. I couldn't stand the noises. Or when I don't understand something that is excruciatingly simple to other people (usually emotionally based) and they look at me like I'm ret*d and can't understand why I just don't get it. When I have a handle on what's going on and am acting "normal," apparently I can't be autistic because I don't act like it. Then when I don't understand a woman is coming onto me even when she flashes me her breasts, I'm so autistic apparently I'm ret*d.
Can't win. I know this will seem like a "whinge" to some here but it's really more of a pet hate.

I would say that, in terms of social interaction at least, I probably fail most attempts at stealth.

I'm very awkward and monotone around people that I don't know very well, like my coworkers. There's no hiding that. I'm sure most people just read it as me simply being socially anxious. People aren't usually surprised if I tell them I'm an aspie though.

I do hate those so called "compliments" though. I feel sorry for others that hear them often. In fact, in general I hate the way people deny reality to avoid hurting feelings if that reality is perceived by them as being "bad".

If I say I'm chubby, and people say "no you're not!", it kinda frustrates me. I don't think being chubby is a bad thing and I'm not disparaging myself. I'm just stating a fact about my body type. I wish they would say something like "Yeah, you're chubby, and awesome!"

More people should validate people's realities in a positive way. "Yeah, you're autistic! And awesome!"

I am stealth autistic too I guess, if I try hard to "be normal". I have memorized most behaviour patterns, stupid rules and other s**t that "normal people" do. I can play stupid, then I am more normal.

The problem is when I ran out of energy and can't reenact the "normal person character". And I run out of energy very quickly. My brain calculates 1000 equations per second to be able to "act normal" and then I crash, no energy left.

And I hate "playing normal", but I do it when its necessary. But then I pay for it with a drained mind and body. I might go into a coma, thoughts might stop even. Just exhausted.

When I was younger I played normal all the time. Nowadays I mostly skip it. f**k normal.

So most of the time I am myself in a way that works. Rough, a little brutal and rude. Saves me energy. To others I am an ashole I guess. But on the other hand they are asholes to me. So it adds up.

I get that sometimes. I really don't mind. Sometimes I even like hearing this from people who actually understand what autism is; I've been working on "not seeming autistic" for many years, so for someone to say this to me is a vindication of that effort.

It's a bit more condescending coming from someone who doesn't know what autism is, but I don't really fault them for that and don't usually feel like it's worth my time to say anything more on it.

This. Totally.

I find that now that I am older and my life responsibilities are so much greater and my stresses can be pretty huge, I also no longer have the energy to constantly put on the "normal act". I think I pretty much do it unconsciously because I have had to do it for so many years when I was a kid. Back then HFA and Misophonia were not known and so everything was treated as a behavioral issue with discipline. So you either had to learn to pretend to be "normal" or you were punished a lot. I ended up spending a lot of time alone in my room because back then I did not realize or understand how much toll the acting normal was taking on me. All I understood was that if I was alone I could be the authentic me and not have to worry about it. Then I could relax and feel better. But in the past three years since I discovered I was on the Spectrum and this past year especially, it has been almost exactly one year since my diagnosis, I have outed myself a lot more.

Trying to act normal all the time takes a HUGE amount of energy even when we do it un or subconsciously out of learning to do it as kids to survive in an NT world. And now that HFA is known and it's getting more acceptable to stim in public or just be "weird" I am finding great relief in the ability to do so. So I am more and more allowing myself to relax and just be Autistic rather than have to constantly struggle at keeping up an NT facade. I still do a lot sometimes though when I am around some people and especially even around certain members of my family but little by little I am just saying, "screw that", I don't have the strength and energy to pretend anymore.